When You Say Forever
by dorothywrites
Summary: A little over a hundred years ago, Alec and Magnus were together. When the unthinkable happens, Magnus makes the choice to find Alec again in the future. But when he finally finds him, will it still be the same? Don't own it, etc. Alec/Magnus.
1. Chapter 1

**When You Say Forever**

He woke to a soft rapping at the door. Midnight visitors weren't exactly uncommon, but as he walked to the door, he let himself hope for a certain someone to be on the other side. When he opened it, he wasn't disappointed.

There stood the object of his affections. He was slightly shorter than himself and his skin looked ghostly pale in contrast to his all-black attire. Magnus stepped aside to allow the young man to entire his small home.

"I'll always wish you lived closer to the city," the young man said. "Whenever I come out here, I nearly get eaten." He was removing his cloak as he spoke, and with his final words, he looked up at Magnus and blushed. "You know what I meant..."

Magnus simply smirked.

"Alexander," he said, taking his visitor's cloak and hanging it on a nail, "If it will make you happy, I will look into relocating. However, I don't think you came here to talk with me about my _location_." He took a step closer to Alexander, who still wore his weapon belt concealed beneath the bottom of his black sweater. Magnus could see the edge of a blade poking from beneath the wool. He frowned and did not move forward.

"What's wrong?" Alexander asked, taking a few steps toward him and stopping only inches away.

Magnus reached out and lifted the bottom of Alexander's shirt, only slightly, and began to undo the buckle of his belt. Alexander jumped slightly and then realized what Magnus was doing. He looked up at him apologetically and helped with the removal of the belt. Magnus carefully placed it on another nail and lingered there for a moment, staring at one of the soiled blades.

Seeing his lingering gaze, Alexander came up behind Magnus and wrapped his arms around his waist. "I told you," he followed his stare, "I had to fight off a few demons on my way here..."

Magnus turned in Alexander's arms and looked down at him. He leaned forward, letting their foreheads and noses touch, and whispered "I just worry."

"I'm fine, Magnus," Alexander said, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck. "You don't have to worry about me."

He leaned upwards and kissed Magnus. It was light at first, meant to ease Magnus's worry, and then grew from there. Magnus let his hands fall to Alexander's waist and drew him in closer. Alexander tangled one of his hands in the soft hair on Magnus's head as they kissed.

Trying to get closer to him, Alexander took a few steps forward, backing Magnus up against the wall. Magnus pulled him even closer, as if trying to bring Alexander into himself through his night clothes and skin.

Magnus slipped his hands below Alexander's sweater, causing shivers to run through both of them as their skin touched. Alexander lifted his hands from Magnus's hair and raised them into the air and Magnus pulled the black sweater over Alec's head, their kiss only breaking for a moment.

Once his sweater had been discarded to the floor, Alexander began to fumble with the buttons on Magnus's nightshirt. It only took a few moments before that, too, was on the floor. Relishing in the warmth of the newly discovered skin, Alexander let his kisses stray away from Magnus's mouth, along his jaw, down his neck, and for a few moments he focused on the sensitive spot just below his lover's collarbone.

Magnus gasped softly as Alexander's teeth nipped lovingly at his skin. He gently grazed Alexander's spine with his nails as his other hand tousled his dark hair. Alexander carefully sucked on Magnus's skin. It was hard enough that it would leave a mark in a few moments, but not hard enough to be painful.

The soft pressure caused the other man to gasp audibly which in turn caused Alexander's lips to curve slightly upward. Deciding that he had left his mark, Alexander trailed his kisses back up Magnus's neck, following the same trail he had taken down, and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before touching his forehead to Magnus's and looking into his eyes.

They were close enough that they could not see each other's eyes in focus, and they were probably both slightly cross-eyed, but they could see the colors, could see the passion, could see the love... And that was okay.

Magnus, who had kissed many people before Alexander, would never have thought that kissing someone with his eyes open would be pleasurable. If he had been asked before, he would have said it sounded awkward and unappealing. But now, as Alexander's mouth closed over his while his eyes stared at his, he couldn't imagine _not_ seeing those blue orbs as a warm tongue slid past his lips.

The only time it was awkward at all was when he needed to blink but was afraid that if he did, the connection would be lost. So he let his eyes beg him to close them as they began to burn and tear, not caring about the slight pain if it meant that he could keep this connection alive for a few seconds longer. When Alexander blinked, so did he, and not a moment sooner.

Alexander pulled away after several moments and rested his head on Magnus's shoulder, his warm breath flowing out over his throat and chest, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Both of them were all but gasping for air and holding on to each other for dear life.

After a moment, Magnus ran both of his hands down Alexander's back, down to his waist, and then met his lover's hands on his own waist. They stood in silence for a moment, just listening to each other breathe. It was in moments like these when Magnus couldn't help but look back on every relationship he'd ever been in and realize how utterly _different_ and _beautiful_ this one was. He could have stopped now, gone to sleep, and been perfectly at peace and content. And even though he didn't necessarily _want_ to stop and go to sleep, it amazed him that he _could_ have if Alexander decided he needed to leave.

Which he hadn't decided, since half an hour later they were in a similar yet different position in Magnus's bed, gasping for quick breaths of air between fevered kisses as Alexander moved above him. Their hands were everywhere at once as Magnus encouraged his lover with subtle gasps and cries with each movement.

When it was over, they held each other in silence, as they always did, while they tried to learn to breathe again. Once they had managed to start breathing normally again, their chests rising and falling in unison, Alexander looked up at Magnus with sad eyes.

"I should get back..."

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment and tightened his arms around him. "You could stay here... I wouldn't mind."

"They'll be wondering where I am."

"You have hours to come up with an excuse."

But Alexander moved to get up, slipping from Magnus's arms with reluctance on both ends.

"Alex--"

"I'm sorry, Magnus, I just can't stay," he said, picking up his clothes from the floor. He put the bottom half of his clothing on and then moved toward the bedroom door to go find his sweater.

Magnus watched him leave the room, seemed to think for a moment, and then followed him, picking up his discarded pajama pants and hopping into them as he followed.

When he found Alexander, he was pulling his sweater over his head and reaching for his belt at the same time. Magnus put his hand over Alexander's against the top of the belt on the wall and looked him in the eyes. Alexander looked away as Magnus laced their fingers together and brought his hand to his lips, kissing Alexander's knuckles.

"Let me do it, Alexander."

Alexander shook his head but allowed Magnus to draw him into his arms.

"Please," he said. He kissed Alexander's forehead, eyelids, the tip of his nose, and then finally brushed over his lips, each time whispering the word.

"Not tonight, Magnus," Alexander breathed, reaching behind his lover and taking his belt from the wall.

Magnus backed away, looking slightly dejected.

"I promise, Magnus, I won't change my mind... I'm just... I'm not ready."

Magnus looked into the blue eyes that were gazing back at him and moved forward again, placing his hands on Alexander's waist, feeling the bumps under the wool where the blades seemed to be mocking him.

"It won't hurt," Magnus said, his face against Alexander's neck. "It will feel strange for a little while, but I promise you it won't hurt, if that's what you're afraid of..." He pressed his lips to his neck just above the neck of the sweater.

Alexander shook his head.

Magnus drew back with a sigh.

"I'm not afraid of that, Magnus," Alexander said, resting his forehead against Magnus's. "I'm just worried about my family."

"It'll be hard, yes," Magnus nodded slightly. "But it will be worth it in the long run... I promise, Alexander, it _will_ be worth it."

"I'm just not ready _now_, Magnus." He kissed him quickly and then stepped back, letting go of Magnus and reaching for his cloak. "And I've really got to go."

He clasped his cloak around his neck and kissed Magnus once more. Their lips lingered for a moment before Alexander pulled away, smiled at him, and turned to go.

"Be careful," Magnus said as he watched him disappear into the woods. Alexander didn't turn back as he went on his way, his secret staying behind him, as always.

Magnus closed the door and leaned against it, praying that Alexander would make it back to the city in one piece. He sometimes wished the boy weren't so brave, so strong... It would have made it much easier for the both of them. Then again, if he weren't as strong and brave, he may not even have been able to make it to his house in the first place.

"City... He wants you to move into the city," Magnus said, thinking about it for a few moments. He hadn't ever lived in the city... He preferred to live alone, in a place where only his client pool knew he was. Living in the city would mean that more people would know where to find a warlock. He wasn't sure he wanted the attention just yet.

Magnus sighed and walked back toward his bedroom, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly alone, and locked the door to the house with a wave of his hand.

As he crawled into bed he wondered if he would ever convince Alexander to do what he wanted to do so desperately... He curled up inside his blankets. They were cool, but they still faintly smelled of Alexander, and Magnus was able to fall asleep quickly with the scent filling his senses.

--

It had been two weeks since he had last seen Alexander, so he was surprised when his younger sister showed up on his doorstep.

He hadn't seen her in a few months, since the last time the Shadowhunters had called on him to assist with an injured comrade.

When Magnus opened the door, he hadn't been expecting anyone. But when he saw her standing there, panting and out of breath as though she had run all the way from the outskirts of the woods, he automatically felt his heart sink into his stomach. Something was wrong.

She grasped the door frame for support and he offered to let her inside to sit down and regain her breath, but she merely said "No time! Come with me!" and pulled him out with her.

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, who was hurt, what had happened... But he was running beside her, trying not to trip or run into any trees. It was several minutes before he realized that he wasn't wearing proper shoes for running through the terrain and that he would probably be sore when he stopped, but he didn't care.

The girl slowed down slightly, trying to pace herself, and Magnus took the opportunity to ask the question he'd been dreading: "Irena... What's going on?"

"Alexander," she gasped out as she ran.

His heart felt heavy as they ran and he wanted to stop and beg her to tell him more so that he wasn't too broken when he arrived, but he knew there wasn't time. She wouldn't be rushing him like this if it wasn't important.

When they arrived, she all but pulled him through the door by his sleeve, down the hall, and into a room. His parents were there, as were two other Shadowhunters. Irena stopped, panting, at the edge of the bed.

"Mom, Dad... This is Magnus Bane. He helps us sometimes..." She looked as though she were going to collapse, but Magnus wouldn't have cared if she dropped dead at that moment. It wasn't that he was heartless or didn't like her, but he was too busy looking at Alexander... His Alexander... Who was lying in the bed, covered in his own blood, his skin and lips pale as the moon.

He sucked in a breath and tried to act as though it weren't tearing him apart inside to see Alexander like this, but he was sure he wasn't doing a good job of it.

Alexander's father looked at him with a questioning stare as his mother sobbed in her seat and held her son's hand.

"What was it?" Magnus asked, trying to assess the situation. If he knew what kind of demon he was working with, he could probably stop the venom and buy himself some time to heal the other wounds.

"We don't know," Irena said.

"You--"

"He went out on his own tonight. Mitchem found him like this," said his father, indicating a Shadowhunter who was standing in the corner of the room.

_He went out on his own_, Magnus thought. _Why would he do that?_ And then the words played in his mind, each syllable like a new knife being stabbed through his heart: "_Whenever I come out here, I nearly get eaten._"

"Where did you find him?" _Did you need to ask_?

"By the outskirts of the woods, just outside of the city. If I had known that Irena was going to bring you from there, we would have brought him to you... It would have taken less time," replied the one named Mitchem.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room," Magnus said, trying to remain calm.

Alexander's mother kissed her son's hand as she rose from her seat. Her husband put an arm around her shoulders and lead her out of the room. The other Shadowhunters followed and then he noticed that Irena hadn't gone.

"You, too, Irena..." He said, nodding toward the door. "I can't do this with anyone else in the room."

"Magnus..." She said, approaching him. "He told me what he was doing when he left..."

Magnus looked away from her.

"He was coming to you." He had expected her voice to be bitter, but it was soothing.

"Magnus, he was going to do it."

Now he looked at her, confused.

"He told me he was going to let you make him stop aging. And that when he got back in a day or two, he'd need me to cover for him."

Magnus swallowed the rising lump in his throat.

"You probably can't do anything about this now..." She said, looking at her brother with sad eyes. "But... I thought you should know... He had chosen you." Her voice broke as she said the words and then she rushed out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her.

Alone, Magnus walked over to the bed and pulled back the cover that had been pulled over Alexander's chest. He held his breath, not wanting to smell all of the blood, but the stench burned his eyes, as if rubbing salt on the wound hadn't been enough.

He looked at Alexander's face, beautiful even now, though his hair was sticking to his forehead, gummed by blood.

Magnus felt sick but knew that he had to do something.

He took Alexander's hand in his own in a feeble attempt to comfort the shivering young man. "I'm here, Alexander. I'm here."

He tried to concentrate on giving Alexander some of his energy. Maybe if he could fight for just a little while longer, Magnus could try to stop the venom that was currently surging through his veins.

After a few moments, Alexander feebly opened his eyes. The corners of his mouth turned weakly and Magnus tried to smile back, even through the hopelessness of the situation.

"You're here," he said.

"I should've been here sooner."

"I was coming to see you..." Alexander said. He promptly began coughing, small drops of blood flying from his mouth and onto the blanket.

"You shouldn't have come alone."

"I've done it before."

Magnus couldn't argue.

"I'm not going to make it, am I?" Alexander said.

"What—What makes you think that?" Magnus asked, wondering if it was obvious.

"Because you're talking to me instead of being frantic. You're trying--" He coughed violently. "You're trying to keep me calm."

"I'm trying to keep myself calm," he whispered. "I can't lose you, Alexander. I'm just trying to buy myself time to think of something..."

"I couldn't do it without Irena being okay..." Alexander said.

"Alexander--"

"She told me she'd never speak to me again if I went through with it... Today I told her that I was going to do it anyway, just to see what she'd say, and she told me... She told me she supported me, because I obviously loved you..." He took a deep breath and then coughed again, making Magnus wonder how long he could hold this off. "She said I was lucky to find someone I wanted to love forever..."

His eyes were fluttering slightly.

_Forever_. The word echoed in Magnus's head and he had an idea.

_No,_ his conscience told him. _Don't be selfish._

"Alexander..." Magnus said, holding his hand tightly within both of his own. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I will _always_ love you."

Alexander opened his mouth to reply but was overtaken by a sudden pain that shot through his entire body, making him convulse violently. He shouted out in pain, his eyes wide open in terror, and Magnus knew what he had to do.

He let go of Alexander's hand and held out both of his palms above him, wondering how long he had before the demon's attack would finally take Alexander from him.. He had to work quickly, since his spell would only work while Alexander was alive.

That was what was supposed to make it so difficult to perform the spell... Since it had to be performed while the person was still living, the one performing it had to decide in the final moments whether to attempt to save the live or let go.

Even though it wasn't his choice to make whether Alexander lived or died, his parents had left him alone with Alexander, knowing that there was the chance that their son could die while Magnus did his work.

There were several flashes of light, a few separate whooshing sounds, sparks, and a steady stream of thoughts coming from Magnus that filled the room.

When all was said and done, Magnus sank to the floor, his entire body drained of his power, just as Alexander took his last breath.

The door opened and the family came in, Alexander's mother breaking down into fresh sobs as Magnus shook his head to indicate that he hadn't been able to save her son. Irena looked at him in disbelief... Apparently she hadn't believed the words she'd said about him not being able to do anyithng. She began sobbing with her mother, both of them holding onto Alexander's father. Mitchem came over and tried to help Magnus off of the floor, but he was too weak to even stand. Or perhaps he liked the position he was in... From where he was, he could still see Alexander, who looked as though he were smiling.

It had been eight weeks since Alexander had died and Magnus had moved into a small apartment within the city. He wondered if everything could have been avoided if he had taken Alexander's advice sooner.

He walked outside and stood in the rain, wondering how long it would be before his spell took effect. He sat down on the steps of the building, watching puddles grow in the street, and wishing that he didn't feel as though he had been cut in half.

Since his death, Magnus had been trying to relive every moment he had ever spent with Alexander. The first time they had met, their first kiss, their first time... But not just the good things.. He had relived their first fight, the day that Alexander had told Irena about their relationship, the various times that Alexander had called on Magnus to help the Shadowhunters and then tried to pay him, because he hadn't thought that it would be appropriate not to pay him...

He didn't know how long it would be until the spell worked, but he knew he didn't want to wait. He felt broken and didn't know how long he could survive with that feeling. Magnus knew he had something to look forward to, even though it didn't feel like it right now, but he just needed Alexander there to remind him that life was worth living.

_Forever_, he thought. _He was willing to be with me _forever.

And, being the selfish Warlock that he was, Magnus Bane intended to make him hold his end of the deal.

--

Comments love.


	2. Chapter 2

**When You Say Forever**, Chapter 2

Magnus looked at the ball of fur sitting at the foot of his bed. It seemed as though the cat was the only thing in his life that stuck around lately... Not that he had much of a choice after Magnus had decided to keep him around. He felt so selfish using his magic to keep the cat around for these fifty-odd years, but he couldn't help it. He needed some kind of companionship that wasn't going to run away, like that mangy dog he'd had before.

"Your birthday is coming up, Chairman Meow," he said, curling his toes against the cat's white fur. "Fifty-seven?"

The cat purred and nuzzled his face against Magnus's feet, tickling them and making Magnus smile.

"I'll have to throw you a big party. With those blue drinks you like... With the rats..." The fur ball's ears perked up and he licked a paw expectantly.

"You'll have to promise not to run off this time, though," he said, looking at the cat sternly. After all this time, it was sometimes as though they could speak to each other and actually understand.

"And you can only play with the rats... No eating them. I don't need trouble."

Chairman Meow looked about as disappointed as a cat could look and hopped off the edge of the bed, mewing in an agitated manner as he sulked out the door.

"You'll appreciate me eventually..." Magnus mumbled, raising a hand and summoning some paper and a pen to begin planning the party.

He had been throwing parties frequently over the past ten years or so... It wasn't because he enjoyed them all that much. He usually didn't even like to be acknowledged as the party's host, but he was waiting for something.

He lowered the paper into his lap and dared to think the name that hadn't passed his lips in more than a hundred years...

_Alexander._

He had been thinking about him increasingly over the past few months, wondering if he had been born yet, if he was in the city, as he was supposed to be... He wondered if he would look the same or if Magnus would have to search for him.

He knew the rules of the spell by heart, since he had made sure of it ninety years ago, thinking that the spell would take effect much sooner. Instead, he sat here a hundred years later, wondering if the spell had never worked at all and he had let Alexander go for nothing.

_No,_ he thought, stabbing the paper with the pen. _He did_ not_ die in vain._

_You're right,_ said a voice in the back of his head. _He died for your selfishness._

Magnus rolled his eyes. The guilty conscience thing was really starting to get older and older. He had beaten himself up enough over it in the past century, he was tired of hearing that little voice trying to stir up drama.

In reality, though, he wasn't sure if he actually believed his spell had worked. Magnus had always been to afraid to see if any Alexanders had been born to Shadowhunter children... Though he didn't even know if he would have the same name.

And no one had ever shown up on his door claiming to remember being in love with him in another life.

_If only_, Magnus thought, looking down at the invitations.

Instead, he'd have to continue letting in these strangers, fellow Downworlders, who probably only liked to come to his home because of the great parties he had tendencies of throwing. Well, at least there was one thing he knew he was good at...

--

Alec approached Clary and Jace, who were standing outside of Taki's. He was exhausted, but he felt at ease as soon as he saw that Jace was perfectly unscathed after meeting with the Silent Brothers.

"Hey," he said, ignoring the girl and walking over to Jace. "Izzy's on her way. She's bringing the mundane."

Several minutes later, they were all crammed into a small booth and Isabelle was openly trying to discuss the business that Clary and Jace had been on in the Bone City.

"We got a name," Jace answered her without a second thought, "Magnus--"

"Shut up!" Alec scolded him, hitting him with his menu and looking around to see if anyone had heard. No one seemed that interested, but you never knew in places like this.

"This place is full of Downworlders," he explained. "You know that. I think you should try to keep the details of our investigation secret."

"_Investigation?_" Isabelle laughed at him, mocked him. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."

"Good idea," Jace said, closing his menu and putting it down on the table. With a completely serious face, he said "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein."

Alec nearly choked on his water. He coughed and spit it back into his glass, hoping that he wasn't drawing any unnecessary attention to himself.

Several minutes went by without any further excitement... The waitress took their orders, Clary asked stupid questions, and then Jace got up to flirt with the waitress.

"He really shouldn't tease the wait-staff like that," Isabelle said, rolling her eyes in Jace's direction.

Alec, who had been trying not to stare at Jace as he did so, looked at his sister. "You don't think he means it? That he likes her, I mean."

Isabelle shrugged off his question, taking a sip of her drink and simply saying "She's a Downworlder."

Alec, who would be about as low as a Downworlder if the Clave ever found out his secret, couldn't help but pity the poor waitress. He knew Jace's charm and his charisma and the way that it could make a person _fall_. He sighed, looking down into his glass. He didn't want to drink it, since most of it was backwash, but his mouth suddenly felt dry as he thought of what would happen to Jace if the Clave found out that he was so interested in Clary.

It was obvious, of course, that he liked her. And even though they could only assume that she had Shadowhunter blood, she hadn't been raised that way, and he knew that she wouldn't be able to stay around. She'd be gone soon, things would go back to normal. But what if Jace decided that he didn't care if she was a mundane? What if he cared enough about her to sacrifice his potential standing in the Shadowhunter society?

_She's only been around a few days_, he told himself. _Stop thinking about him being stripped of his marks..._

He joined into the conversation sometimes, trying to act like nothing was wrong. He seemed to do that a lot lately. Ever since he had realized that he harbored such an impossible crush on Jace, he had been over-thinking everything he did or said. It was like he needed to think about what he was supposed to do before he could actually do it, like he was somehow changing his own fate.

Not that he believed in fate... He was a Shadowhunter. He probably wouldn't meet a very good fate, so why think about it?

"Wait." Isabelle straightened in her seat, reaching into her purse and fidgeting around in it. She paused for a moment and said "What did you say that name was? The name in Clary's head?"

"I didn't," Jace replied. "At least, I didn't finish it. It's Magnus Bane." He looked at Alec, grinning triumphantly as though he had just won something important, just by saying the name. "Rhymes with 'overcareful pain in the ass.'"

Alec looked down into his coffee cup and muttered a few choice obscenities to the dark liquid. He felt like he had heard the name before, but he couldn't place it.

"I'm almost totally sure..." Isabelle pulled a bright blue piece of paper out of her bag and unfolded it. "Look at this!"

Alec held out his hand and took the paper from her. He looked down at it curiously and then shook his head, not seeing the point. "It's a party invitation. For somewhere in Brooklyn..." He scrunched up his face. "I hate Brooklyn."

"Don't be such a snob," Jace said, taking the paper from him. He looked down at the electric blue and then straightened in his seat, looking at Isabelle with surprise, "Where did you get this, Izzy?"

"From that kelpie in Pandemonium... He said it would be awesome. He had a whole stack of them."

Alec looked back at the paper, not understanding what Jace was making such a fuss about. Then he saw the tidy scrawl at the bottom of the invite: _Magnus the Magnificent Warlock_.

Oh.

That must've been why he recognized the name. Isabelle must've mentioned the party at some point and he had simply shrugged it off.

_What if I had remembered?_ he wondered. _Maybe Jace would be looking at me like that..._

Alec shrugged off the question and tried to turn off that voice in his head entirely, though he knew it wouldn't be gone for long.

He was right... The voice wasn't gone for long.

That night, when Clary and Isabelle came down dressed for the party, he saw the way Jace looked at Clary. He felt something pull in his chest, wishing that someone would look at him like that. _No,_ the voice said. _You want him to look at _you_ like that_.

He shook his head and then waited quietly until it was time to go.

_I hate Brooklyn_, he thought to himself as they walked through the streets.

After they found their destination, marked by nearly a dozen vampires' motorcycles (that Jace took pleasure in sabotaging with holy water), he watched as Isabelle pressed the doorbell. He looked at the name on the plate, the only one, and felt a strange fluttering in his stomach.

Isabelle moved to press the buzzer a third time and he stopped her without thinking. She gave him a funny look and he swallowed, simply saying "Don't be rude." He didn't know what made him stop her... Who really cared? He was just a Downworlder, wasn't he? What could he do to them?

"Alec--" She started, but she was interrupted by the door opening.

--

Magnus pulled the door open, wondering who else could possibly be coming. He had thought that all of his guests arrived half an hour ago.

However, when he opened the door, his breath caught in his chest.

_Alexander_, he thought.

"Magnus? Magnus Bane?" Said the girl standing in front of the small group.

"That would be me."

He looked over all of them and then back to Alexander. His hair was longer and he was about a year younger than he had been... But it was definitely him. And they were Shadowhunters. It had to be him. Had he remembered? Was that why they were here?

_Don't get your hopes up only to have them crushed,_ he thought. And then he noticed who else was with them... _Clary Fray... Damnit... Something must've happened._

His hopes fell as quickly as they had flown. _You've never met either one of them,_ he reminded himself. _You don't know why they'd be here._

"Children of the Nephilim," he said, trying to sound casual. "Well, well... I don't recall inviting you."

The girl held out an invitation, waving the blue paper in front of him. "I have an invitation. These are my friends."

He took the invitation from her and pretended to look upset. "I must have been drunk," he said, opening the door and stepping aside. "Come in. And try not to murder any of my guests."

"Even if one of them spills a drink on my new shoes?" Asked the blonde in the group.

"Even then," Magnus said. He saw the stele in the boy's hand and snatched it from him, just as he used to take Alexander's weapons from him. He hoped that it would trigger something in Alexander's memory, but he didn't let it be known that it was strictly for show. "As for this," he said, sliding the stele into the boy's jeans pocket, "keep it in your pants, Shadowhunter."

He turned around and started up the stairs. When he didn't hear them all following, he turned around and said "Come on... Before anyone thinks it's _my_ party." He let his gaze linger on Alexander for a moment before he turned back around and continued up the stairs.

It was a while before the blonde Shadowhunter approached him with their business. When the blonde was finished gloating about the fact that he had destroyed the vampire's bike, Magnus decided to ask why they had come in the first place, even though he had a feeling he knew...

"So is that why you wanted to crash my party? Just to wreck some bloodsucker bikes?"

"No," the blonde said. "We need to talk to you. Preferably somewhere private."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. He peeked at Alexander, who was looking around the place. This wasn't about him... He didn't seem to have any idea who Magnus was. He looked at Clary, who didn't have a clue, either, but seemed to know that he knew her somehow. _Why does it never work the way I want it to?_ he wondered.

"Am I in trouble with the Clave?" He asked, knowing the answer.

"No," the boy said.

"Probably not," Alexander said. Magnus saw the blonde kick him in the ankle, making him jump, and was tempted to do something, but didn't. _You don't know him_, he reminded himself, _Stop being protective._

"No," the boy repeated, and Magnus wondered if he could read his mind. "We can talk to you under the seal of the Covenant. If you help us, anything you say will be confidential."

"And if I don't help you?" He mused.

"Maybe nothing. Maybe a visit from the Silent City."

Magnus shuttered. "That's quite a choice you're offering me, little Shadowhunter."

"It's no choice at all."

"Yes," Magnus replied. "That's exactly what I meant."

He lead the three of them to his bedroom. _When you thought about bringing Alexander in here,_ he thought silently, _You didn't think it would be like this._

"Nice place," the blonde said. "Guess it pays well, being the High Warlock of Brooklyn?"

"It pays. Not much of a benefit package, though... No dental." Magnus closed the door, leaned against it, and crossed his arms. "So. What's on your devious little minds?"

"It's not them, actually," Clary said. "I'm the one who wanted to talk to you."

Magnus looked at her. "You are not one of them. Not of the Clave. But you can see the Invisible World." _God, I sound like a psychic on Oprah,_ he thought.

"My mother was one of the Clave," she said. "But she never told me. She kept it a secret. I don't know why."

"So ask her," he said.

"I can't. She's... She's gone."

Magnus was intrigued, but didn't show it.

"And your father?" He asked, though, again, he knew the answer he'd receive.

"He died before I was born."

He sighed. "As Oscar Wilde once said 'To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.'"

Magnus wondered how she knew to come to him. After several more moments of arguing, in which Alexander said nothing, the girl mentioned his signature.

_Damnit._

"My signature... I knew it was a folly when I did it. An act of hubris..."

"You _signed_ my mind?" She asked.

He raised his hand, signing his name in the air. It stayed for several moments before it faded away as the girl stared at him.

"I was proud of my work on you," he said. "So clean... So perfect."

Alec listened in slight shock as the Warlock explained what he had done to Clary's mind. It was crazy that one person could do something like that... Completely control what a person would and would not remember.

_Well,_ he thought. _He's not the High Warlock of Brooklyn for nothing..._

When Magnus began to talk about being damaged, about his own troubled past, Alec felt the same fluttering in his stomach that he had before, only this time there was an added sense of sadness to it. He sometimes felt like he was damaged, but it was nothing compared to what Magnus had been through...

"It wasn't your fault," Alec said. He didn't even realize he had spoken until Magnus's hazel eyes were locked to his. "You... You can't help how you're born."

He felt his cheeks starting to burn, hoping that he hadn't said too much.

"I'm over it," Magnus said.

Several minutes later, Magnus seemed to have an idea for helping Clary. He opened a copy of the Gray Book and set it down in Clary's lap.

From where he was standing, Alec had a pretty good view of the book and could clearly see the rune for remembrance. Clary seemed to focus on it for a few moments, and Alec did as well... He suddenly felt the overwhelmed with the thought that he was forgetting something important, that he needed to remember something... And then Clary began to turn the pages at an alarming speed for someone who was seeing runes for the first time, and Magnus took the book away.

"That's enough," he said, closing it and slipping it back onto the shelf. "If you read all the runes at once, you'll give yourself a headache."

"But--" Clary protested.

"Most Shadowhunter children grow up learning one rune at a time--"

Alec zoned out for several moments, staring at the book and trying to remember whatever he could have possibly forgotten. He had seen that rune dozens of times... Why did it feel so strange now?

"--The Silent Brothers have the sword... the cup, and the mirror were in Idris, at least until Valentine came along," he heard, snapping him out of his daze.

"Nobody knows where the mirror is. Nobody's known for ages," Alec said, hoping no one had noticed that he had been off in another world for several minutes. And then he faded back into staring at the book...

And then he heard Magnus speaking again, breaking him from his thoughts and making him stare at the colorful Warlock.

"He suffered a grave defeat, and he hardly seemed—seems--the type of man to suffer defeat gracefully."

Their eyes met.

"Were you at the Uprising?" Alec asked without thought.

"I was." Magnus was holding Alec's stare, looking at him with an intensity in his eyes that made Alec want to look away, but he refused. "I killed a number of your folk."

"Circle members," Jace interjected, "Not ours--"

"If you insist on disavowing that which is ugly about what you do," Magnus said, still holding Alec's gaze, "you will never learn from your mistakes."

Alec looked away quickly and plucked at the coverlet of Magnus's bed. "You don't seem surprised to hear that Valentine's still alive..."

"Are you?" Magnus replied.

"So you won't help us find the Mortal Cup?"

"I wouldn't if I could," said Magnus. "Which, by the way, "I can't. I've no idea where it is, and I don't care to know. Only a fool, as I said."

Alec straightened and said "But without the cup, we can't--"

"Make more of you, I know. Perhaps not everyone regards that as quite the disaster that you do. Mind you," Magnus added, "if I had to choose between the Clave and Valentine, I would choose the Clave. At leas they're not actually sworn to wipe out my kind." He looked back at Alec, who looked away when their eyes met. "But nothing the Clave has done has earned my unswerving loyalty either, so no, I'll sit this one out. Now if we're done here, I'd like to get back to my party before any of the guests eat each other."

When they got back to the party, there was a sufficient amount of drama involving the mundane. Apparently he had been stupid enough to drink something, even after Isabelle told him not to, and had gotten himself turned into a rat.

By the time Clary had found Simon, argued with Jace, argued with Magnus, argued with Jace again, and then fought with Magnus some more, Alec just wanted to go home and never think about the night again.

They were finally leaving. Clary had put the rat in her backpack and they were almost out the door.

"Don't want to overstay our welcome," Jace said, addressing the fact that Magnus saw them leaving.

"What welcome?" Magnus asked. "I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but it wasn't. Not that you aren't all fairly charming, and as for you--" he said, looking at Alec and winking. "Call me?"

Alec's eyes opened wide and he tried to say something but his mouth just wouldn't cooperate. He could feel his face, neck, and ears getting warm, but he couldn't move or say anything. And then Jace pulled him toward the door, Isabelle following close behind. Once they were outside, Alec could feel how hot his face was, the blood pooling just beneath his skin.

Alec walked several yards with Isabelle before they realized that Clary and Jace weren't right behind them. Isabelle, slightly buzzed, was whining about how worried she was about Simon.

"If anything had happened to him, I—I don't know what I would have done..." She sniffed.

"Probably whatever it is you did before," Alec said, frustrated with her sudden interest in the mundane. "It's not like you knew him all that well."

"That doesn't mean I don't--"

"What? _Love_ him? You need you _know_ someone to love them."

"But that's not all it is," she defended. And then her tone changed as she asked "Didn't you have any fun at the party, Alec?"

"No." He answered.

"I thought you would like Magnus. He's nice, isn't he?"

"Nice?" Alec laughed. "Kittens are nice. Warlocks are--" He paused, trying to think of something. "not." Lame.

"I thought you might hit it off," she said. "Get to be friends."

_Sure, friendship is exactly what you were thinking._ "I have friends," he said, unconsciously looking back in Jace's direction.

_Sure, friendship is exactly what you want,_ he shook his head and sighed. _Why don't things ever work the way I want them to_?


	3. Chapter 3

**When You Say Forever,** Chapter 3

He didn't know what he was doing... All he knew was that he was out of his mind. Crazy. It was nearly three in the morning and he was standing in front of the sparkly Warlock's door... He'd probably be struck down by a rainbow lightening bolt just for pressing the buzzer.

Alec stood there for several moments before his hand reached up and pressed the single button, hearing the buzz sound, almost waking him from a daze the same way he was sure he was waking up the Warlock. He jumped slightly and looked around, coming to his senses and asking himself what the _hell_ he was doing here at three in the morning. Three in the morning.

"IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING," came a loud bellow that seemed to draw closer to the door with each word. "THIS _BETTER_ BE GOOD!"

Alec considered hiding, running, spontaneously combusting—anything–to get away from the angry voice on the other side of the door. But before he could move his feet, the door swung open and he didn't have the option.

--

Magnus Bane was many things. One thing that he _wasn't_ was prepared to see Alexander Lightwood standing on the other side of the door when he opened it.

He wanted to look up to whatever higher being had brought him back to his doorstep, but decided it wouldn't be appropriate just yet. He didn't know if Alexander remembered him or if he had just forgotten his shiny little Shadowhunter sword after the party.

"Shadowhunter." Magnus leaned against the floor.

"Warlock," Alexander said, his voice faltering slightly.

"What brings you back? Forget one of your toys? Think another of your friends might be a toad on my floor somewhere?"

At his confused look, Magnus laughed softly and then stepped aside. "Come in."

The boy swallowed and seemed to rethink his actions, hesitating on the steps.

"Boy, you did not wake me at three in the morning to stand on my doorstep and gawk at me," Magnus said, trying not to let his desperation to get him inside get the better of him.

Alexander took a few steps forward, pausing once he was past Magnus, and Magnus closed the door, bolting it securely.

"What brings you by?" Magnus asked.

"How did you know?" Alexander said, his voice soft. He was still facing away from Magnus, so he did not see the look of shock on his face at the question.

_How did I know?_ Magnus thought. _How did I know_ what? _That you were my Alexander? That you were born to be mine? That you were the sun and the moon and the stars the second you walked into my home?_

"I--" Magnus started, but he was interrupted.

"Is it obvious?" Alexander turned toward him. "Does everyone know?"

Now Magnus was becoming confused. _Know what?_

"The way I walk? The way I talk? There has to be _something._" The boy was looking at Magnus with big, blue eyes, as if begging him to answer.

"What are you talking about?" Magnus asked, admitting to himself that the boy obviously didn't remember. He could feel his heart breaking slightly at the thought that he'd have to wait longer.

"HowdidyouknowI'mgay?"

Magnus, who had always thought his hearing was superior to most people, hadn't understood a word of what the boy had just muttered. Realizing this, Alexander repeated himself, slower, "How... How did you know that I'm... I'm..." He paused and closed his eyes, as if saying it aloud for the first time, "gay."

Slightly stunned, Magnus looked at Alexander, _his_ Alexander, and tried to come up with a reason that wasn't "Because I was your first love... I was your first kiss... First everything. Only everything."

He realized that Alexander was looking at him with such a desperate intensity and said, "It's not like it's obvious--" The boy breathed again. "--It's just that old saying, I guess... It takes one to know one."

"So you... You knew just because... Because you are?"

Magnus sighed on the inside and nodded, feeling a lump rise in his throat with the lie.

"How... How did you know that you were... you know?"

"I liked boys," Magnus shrugged.

"So you didn't have to... Do anything with anyone to figure it out?"

"Well, that's just part of the fun," Magnus smirked and winked at Alexander, making his pale skin turn red as Magnus's favorite nail polish.

"Look, little Shadowhunter, there's nothing wrong with who you are. It's just how you were born..." _How I made sure you were born._

"But it could change, right?"

_No._ "You never know. But why do you think it would?"

"Well... I've only ever _liked_ one boy. I... I don't know if I'd like anyone else," Alexander said, the pitch in his voice jumping octaves over the course of the sentence.

Magnus blinked.

"I mean, I might like someone else, eventually, I just don't think it would be... a boy."

"Who, then?"

"What?"

"Who is it that you 'like'?" Magnus asked.

"Um... Well.. We're friends. We spend a lot of time together..."

"The blonde boy."

This time, Alexander blinked.

"Was... Was that obvious, too?"

"No. But he was mildly attractive and I'd imagine you spend more time with him than anyone else." Magnus felt a pang in his chest at the thought of Alexander thinking he was in love with the blonde boy. The protector... Magnus had asked for protection for Alexander... Now here he had an Alexander in front of him who was a shadow of his former self's strength, but who was in love with the boy who was meant to protect him.

"I'm sure you'll find someone more suited to you, Alexander," Magnus said, taking a few daring steps toward him. "I saw how the boy looked at your friend Clary--"

"She's not my friend," Alexander said quickly.

"Doesn't mean I didn't see how he looked at her. He obviously doesn't have much interest in people like us." Magnus stopped only an inch away from Alexander, wondering if he should take the risk of moving any closer and at the same time noticing Alexander hadn't backed away.

"Like us?" Alexander breathed.

Magnus nodded and watched the boy's eyes flutter slightly, but then they stared nervously into his own.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus noted the subtle differences in the way Alexander smelled. Even after a hundred and some odd years, he still remembered every vivid scent that his Alexander had carried on his skin. It had always had a special twist of wood, from the time Alexander had spent in the woods outside of the city... With Magnus. Now that scent was gone, covered instead by the stench of the New York streets. It was more corrupt than the innocent scent of the Alexander he had known, but the smell did not fool him: This Alexander was much more innocent and vulnerable than the original.

Hardly able to stop himself and his curiosity, Magnus leaned forward and chastely brushed his lips against Alexander's.

The boy gasped and his body jerked noticeably, but he did not pull away.

Magnus noted with a slight upward twist of his lips that Alexander tasted almost the same.

--

Alec stood, stunned, when Magnus kissed him. It had been the last thing he expected when he had come back, hadn't it? Hadn't he just come here to talk to the Warlock?

_Hadn't he?_

Yet here he stood, closing his eyes and wishing he could draw back, but feeling as though he were under a spell.

_If only I could blame it on his magic,_ Alec thought, trying to find the courage to either pull away or kiss him back. His body wanted him to do the latter... But his head was telling him he needed to get out of there. _Now._

When Magnus gently moved his lips, as though asking permission for the kiss to go ever-so-slightly further, Alec's body won over and he surrendered into the kiss.

He hadn't ever felt anything so thrilling. _How can anyone kiss a _girl_, _he wondered silently. _Girls are all soft and..._ He stopped thinking. This wasn't a girl. This was _Magnus Bane_ the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

_How many people has he kissed to get this good at it?_ Alec wanted to shake his head to make the thought of Magnus with anyone else go away. He suddenly felt possessive of the Warlock, though he couldn't place the feeling. It was suddenly overpowering the jealousy of Clary.

Magnus pulled back slightly, as though testing the waters to see how Alec was after the slightly-unexpected-yet-slightly-expected kiss. Alec, who had now thrown away any and all hope of ever thinking of a girl as anything other than _just a girl_, brought a nervous hand up, cupped Magnus's neck, and pulled him closer.

Taking this as a positive sign, Magnus took hold of Alec's waist and brought him closer. As his mouth opened hesitantly to an almost-equally hesitant tongue, Alec wondered if Magnus was as nervous as he was. Of course, he probably wasn't, but it made him feel better to think that maybe Magnus was unsure. Magnus was the High Warlock, but what did that mean if an entire legion of Shadowhunters was breathing down your neck for making out with one of their boys? Which, of course, would be what happened if anyone ever found out... After Alec had been stripped of his runes and deemed a Mundane, of course.

Alec's eyes snapped open as he realized what he was doing.

He all but jumped backwards and was, he admitted to himself later, thankful that Magnus had had a good grip on his waist, lest he would have fallen backwards and probably caused some kind of injury that he would never be able to explain.

Magnus looked startled, but Alec refused to meet his eyes. He simply looked at the floor and muttered something about how he needed to go back to the Institute before someone realized he was missing.

This was a lie, of course, since no one would notice he was gone. He could stay here all night and no one would ever be the wiser...

_No! Don't get any ideas!_ He scolded himself, trying to put his mind back into a proper place. But when he looked up from the floor, all he could focus on was Magnus's lips, full and flushed, and think about how pleasant it had felt to kiss him. How _natural_ it had felt...

His entire body felt warm, but now he wondered whether it was from their kissing or from the embarrassed and shamed flush that was starting to engulf his body. Alec stepped around the still-shocked Magnus and headed for the door.

"Alexander--" Magnus said, trying to grab his wrist as he passed.

"No! I—I have to go. I—I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have come here," Alec said, trying to pull the door open.

Magnus, who came up behind him and unlatched the door for the frustrated Shadowhunter, stood so close that Alec could feel the heat radiating from him and could smell the distinct scent of lavender. He let himself wonder if his clothes would smell like that when he got home, but he quickly thwarted the idea of it and opened the door.

"Alexander, don't be afraid of who you are."

Alec decided not to turn around, but he did pause long enough that Magnus placed a hand against the small of his back. He took a deep breath, feeling the heat of Magnus's hand all but burning into the skin below his shirt, and then quickly took the stairs two at a time.

He didn't look back.

--

Magnus stood and watched Alexander rush away. He had pushed him too far, asked for too much too quickly... But how could he not? He had been waiting so long for him to come back. And here he was for the taking, but he was so out of reach.

As he walked back to his bedroom, he wasn't sure what to expect. Would Alexander come back?

Eventually, his memory would return and he would remember everything about their relationship... At least, that was how it was supposed to work out. But even if he did, would it scare him too much for him to return to Magnus? Or would he stay with _Jace_, the boy who could protect him and who would let him worship the ground he walked on until the day he died?

Magnus leaned against the hallway wall and stared blankly ahead of him. What if Alexander eventually remembered and chose to ignore it? Wrote it off as a mistake he had made once and wouldn't make again?

"No," Magnus choked. "No. That won't happen. That's not how it's supposed to happen."

He trudged on to his bedroom, wondering how he had let himself fall into his current situation. The spell hadn't been fool proof... It wasn't a guarantee. It had just been his only chance, so he had taken it. He had to hold on to hope that his Alexander was in there and that he hadn't accidentally created _Jace's_ Alexander.

It would all have to play out one day at a time...

But in the meantime, he had that kiss. _That kiss..._

He had opened his eyes after a few moments, to see if Alexander still had the habit of opening his eyes when they kissed, but his eyes had been squeezed shut so tightly that Magnus recalled wondering if he was hurting him.

Then he realized that things were playing out the way they were supposed to... That had been Alexander's first kiss.

Or at least he was hoping so.

What did he have to hold on to if he couldn't hope that it was going to work out?

So he crawled into his bed, pulling the canary-colored comforter up over his head and trying to savor the last remnants of Alexander's scent on his pajamas.

--

Back at the Institute, Alec was doing the same thing.


	4. Chapter 4

**When You Say Forever,** Chapter 4

Was it possible that Jace would have said such a thing? Would Jace ever have said that he was too afraid to kill a demon? ...To _Clary?_ Even if Alec didn't believe it, he didn't know how else the Mundane would know such a fact. Then again, the girl seemed to know everything she shouldn't know. She knew about their world, many of their ways, and was learning more each day. And she knew he was... Well. She _knew._

Again he was walking, walking, walking with no predetermined destination. His feet just kept moving, even though he knew Hodge would have his head if he knew he had just walked out like that. By the same token, Jace would probably tear him a new one if he knew how physical he had just been with Clary.

There was a strong gust of wind that ripped through Alec from behind. Unprepared for the blast, Alec stumbled forward slightly and hugged his arms to himself as he realized how chilled the air was. He could hear Jace's name echo in his head as Clary had told him that he was the one to say he was a coward. Maybe he could have expected it from Isabelle, like a joke that the Mundane may have misinterpreted, but there was no way Clary could have misinterpreted Jace. He was always so straight-forward...

Alec realized that he had been walking quickly and began to slow down, feeling his legs beginning to tire from his hurried pace. He was in shape, so the burning in his calves told him that he had walked farther than his body was used to. Looking up, he was surprised to see where his feet had led him. He was only feet away from Magnus Bane's doorstep.

He cursed himself inwardly, wondering why his feet kept bringing him back to the Warlock's home. No matter how much he fought that side of himself, it kept coming back. The problem with it recently was that the attraction he had grown used to for Jace was now resurfacing and focusing on Magnus, which was, in theory, tenfold worse than being attracted to his friend.

The part he wasn't sure about was whether it was worse because he was attracted to a Warlock, that he had kissed the Warlock, or that he felt as though he was betraying Jace.

_No,_ he thought. _I'm not betraying Jace. That's ridiculous..._ He stared up at the Warlock's door, wondering if he should knock, wondering if he could face him again after the night before. _I'm betraying all of my people,_ he mused, looking down at the ground.

He heard a humming motor coming from the darkness down the street and saw a single headlight approaching him.

_A vampire_, his mind registered. Assuming that Shadowhunters and vampires probably weren't on the best of terms at this point in time, he quickly bounded up the stairs and knocked on the door. Maybe if Magnus was quick, he'd be in the house before the vampire was any wiser.

As the door opened in front of him a few long moments later, the realization crossed his mind that he could have simply run in the adjacent direction, gone back to the Institute. Why had he gone to the door?

--

When the door opened, the first thing Magnus noticed was the vampire on a motorbike racing by and then lifting off into the air. The second thing he noticed was the cold Shadowhunter standing on his doorstep. His first thought was to question why he noticed Alexander _second._

"Alexander," he said in surprise. The boy looked cold and worn down, but the worn part wasn't just because of his shabby sweater. His face looked like it had aged ten years since the night before, making Magnus sure that something must have happened to the boy.

"I—Uh... Can I come in?"

Magnus stepped aside without a word and then closed and latched the door once the boy crossed the threshold.

"Did something happen?"

Alexander leaned against the wall and then threw his head back against it with a loud thud. Magnus winced at the sound, trying to ignore the fact that Alexander was currently _leaning against a wall_ and approached him slowly, hoping to coax the problem from him.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing is right anymore," he mumbled. His eyes were closed tightly and his hands were balled into fists so tight that his knuckles were white.

"What do you mean?" Magnus was close to him now but was afraid to touch him, not wanting to upset him anymore.

"Everything is changing! _Everything!_ And I... I can't have all of it change at once! It's just... It won't work. I can't do this." He took several deep breaths, obviously trying to keep from breaking down.

Magnus watched as the boy started to tremble, clenching and unclenching his fists. Without warning, he began to slide down the wall, falling to the floor and sitting on the ground, his arms quickly wrapping around his knees as sobs broke free.

Magnus looked around, like he was expecting some assistance to come from a miraculous source. It had been more than a century since he had had to comfort Alexander, and he knew how to do it, he just wasn't sure if he was allowed to. The last time he had to do it, they were in an established relationship. Now Magnus wasn't sure if he had ground to stand on or if he was allowed to touch Alexander, knowing he was part of the grief the boy felt.

Alexander made no sound, but his shoulders shook violently and Magnus could hear him trying to breathe, trying to regain his composure.

Hoping he could convince him that it was okay to let it all out, Magnus crouched down hesitantly and touched Alexander's shoulder. The boy made no move to get away from him and his state didn't change, so Magnus took this as a sign that it would be okay to get closer to him.

He sat down next to him and carefully put an arm around his shoulder. After a moment, he gently pulled him closer and felt the boy relax against him.

"It's okay, Alexander. It's... Everything is going to be fine," he said, stroking his hair and feeling the sobs beginning to subside. This would be the harder part for the boy: He wouldn't know how to act after breaking down. It would be up to Magnus to keep the situation from snowballing.

There were several moments of silence during which each of them tried to figure out what to do next. Magnus simply did what felt comfortable and held Alexander close to him while gently massaging his shoulders with one hand. Alexander seemed to be regaining the ability to breathe steadily while trying to maintain what little dignity he thought he had left.

Minutes that seemed like hours passed by in silence and fifteen minutes into the lull, Magnus realized with quiet astonishment that Alexander had fallen asleep. Afraid to wake and startle him, Magnus slowly moved away, keeping a hand on Alexander to ensure that he wasn't going to fall over and smack his head on the doorframe. Once he was up and he had regained feeling in his legs from the knees down, he waved his hands gingerly and Alexander was lifted into the air in his very position.

Magnus carefully maneuvered him down the hall and through his bedroom door, halting slightly and wondering if it would be appropriate to put him in the bed. Deciding that it would be okay for now and he would deal with any repercussions later, he turned down the covers with a nod of his head and then placed Alexander down with a soft creak of the bedframe.

As tempting as it was, he decided against covering him up himself. Instead, he waved his hands to bring the covers up to Alexander's shoulders, which the boy gratefully curled into, and then left the room, silently closing the door behind him.

--

Alec woke up feeling warmer than he was used to, which immediately made him wonder if he was getting sick from his late-night stroll in the city. He rolled over in the warm comforter, wishing he never had to open his eyes from the pleasant dream he had been having. Well, he didn't remember it, he just knew he wanted to keep sleeping in the warm bed that smelled like lavender.

His eyes snapped open when he realized that he wasn't in his own bed. The first thing his mind registered were all of the bright colors that stood out in the dimly lit room and then he remembered his breakdown in the hallway. Had that all really happened?

And why was he in Magnus's bed?

...Had anything happened?

_No,_ he thought quickly. _No, I'd remember that._

He wondered how long he'd been sleeping and if anyone had noticed he wasn't at the Institute.

Was it morning? Had he slept all through the night?

The panic set in.

He jumped out of the bed and rushed to the door, pulling it open and finding Magnus pacing on the other side. The two of them stared at each other for several awkward moments and then looked away. Alec found himself wondering if anyone else could be awkward with Magnus or if it was just him.

Then, when Magnus didn't try to make a witty remark, Alec decided that it was just him.

Alec looked back at Magnus, who looked back at him, and asked himself how many times they'd do this before one would find their voice and _say something_.

"I... I'm sorry," Alec said, finally.

"Alexan--"

"No, I... I shouldn't have come here an—And broken down like that," Alec said, remembering his sobs with a painful twinge of humiliation. "I think it would be best if... Well, if we pretend that it never happened."

Magnus took a few steps toward Alec, who was studying a speck on the floor with unmatched intensity, and put his hand under his chin, raising his face to look at him.

"Alexander, you shouldn't just forget about your emotions."

Alec, surprised by the look in Magnus's eyes, averted his own eyes and muttered "I shouldn't have them in the first place."

"Why don't you tell me what happened? Maybe we can go from there." He removed his hand from Alec's chin and took one of his hands. "Don't be afraid of me, Alexander. I'm not one of the bad guys." Magnus smiled at Alec and Alec couldn't help but feel like he could trust him.

"I don't know which side is up anymore," Alec admitted, not protesting when Magnus took a carefully-planned step forward, bringing them close enough that Alec could feel the heat of him.

"On a good day, the side of the coin you chose is up. On a bad day, well...," Magnus took his other hand,"You just need to find a new coin."

"Clary has turned everything upside down. Jace is different around her, Isabelle is happy to have a girl around and was toying with the Mundane boy, and Hodge acts like she's a miraculous Shadowhunter already... And I'm the only one left who hasn't got something new to fawn over. That girl is ruining my life."

"And this, Alexander, is why girls should be avoided at most costs," Magnus said, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching.

"And then there's you," Alec whispered. "I don't understand this."

"What's to understand?"

"I've never... I've only ever been attracted to... To..." Alec sighed in quiet frustration.

"The blonde."

"Jace."

"That doesn't mean it's wrong to be attracted to someone else," Magnus said, squeezing Alec's hands.

"But it was safe. I never would've acted on anything with Jace," Alec closed his eyes, feeling the awkwardness of their eye-averting coming back as he thought about how close they were. "But with you..."

"Well, what's the point of a mutual attraction if there's nothing being acted on?" Alec could hear the smirk on Magnus's mouth without having to see it, but he could also hear something else in his voice. It was a slight quiver that was almost unnoticeable. Maybe he only noticed it because his eyes were closed and he couldn't see the confidence in Magnus's eyes. Surely that was all it was... His inability to see the confidence.

"You're a Warlock," Alec noted on a breath, noticing that Magnus must've been closer to him.

"You're a Shadowhunter." He was _much_ closer, but Alec wasn't going to open his eyes to see what he already knew. Magnus was only millimeters away.

"It's wro--" But his words were swallowed as Magnus kissed him, evicting any thoughts of impurity from Alec's mind while flooding his entire body with warmth at the same time.

It was the warmth he'd felt in the bed, including the aroma of lavender, but there was an added safety to being in the Warlock's arms. He found it strange that he felt so perfectly at peace right where he was, no matter what kind of turmoil was going on in the outside world. Everything else stopped existing, if only for this one perfect moment when their mouths became familiar with each other.

Alec felt a strange urge to open his eyes. There was something intimate about this kiss that was different from the day before. Yesterday the kiss had been surprising and unexpected; Alec had panicked, knowing he should pull away but being unable to. Tonight the kiss wasn't a surprise and he never wanted to pull away, even though he knew he should. Instead of Magnus kissing Alec, _they_ were kissing each other. And he wanted to see it.

He opened his eyes slowly, wondering how stupid it would look if someone were to see this. How many people opened their eyes while they kissed someone? Well... Since he'd only kissed Magnus, he didn't really know if it was proper protocol for kissing or not. He just assumed it probably wasn't.

Alec realized nervously that Magnus had probably felt him opening his eyes when his eyelashes brushed against him and he quickly closed his eyes. But in the moment that his eyes were opened, he realized just how close they were at that moment and that he had never been that close to _anyone_. It was like in the last twenty-four hours, he had gone from thinking that his best friend was Jace, the person whom he had known for so many years, was the closest person to him. But now he was seeing something different... Magnus _got_ him. He understood him on a level that Jace probably never would. And that didn't make what he felt for Jace go away, it just made it easier to push it into the back of his mind.

He felt the flutter of eyelashes that he had thought Magnus would have felt and opened his eyes in surprise. Their eyes met as their mouths moved and Alec's heart nearly burst with the emotion he saw in Magnus's eyes. It seemed almost like it was too much for just one kiss, something that would have to come out one kiss at a time. And then, as quickly as it was there, it was gone, and Magnus closed his eyes and the kiss lost some of it's power.

They broke the kiss at the same time several moments later. Still needing contact, Alec leaned his forehead against Magnus's and raised his hands from his waist to his shoulders. As their breathing began to return to a normal pace, Alec opened his eyes and found Magnus looking at him questionably.

"You don't... Think about the blonde do you?" Magnus asked. His lips were flushed and curved into a teasing smile, but his voice carried a heavier weight that made Alec wonder if the wrong answer would be the end of him.

"No," he answered honestly. Even if he did _think_ of Jace, he wasn't imagining that Magnus was him, which is what the question was asking, so he wasn't lying.

They stood like that in silence for several moments, feeling each other's heartbeat, and then parted, bringing the awkwardness back into the air. For how confident Magnus was when others were around, Alec couldn't help but realize how many times it seemed awkward when they were silent together. It was like there was an elephant in the room that Alec couldn't see and Magnus wouldn't address.

"I should get back to the Institute," Alec said, looking in the direction of the door.

"It's getting... Early? It's nearly four," Magnus informed him as they walked.

"I should be able to get in without anyone realizing I was gone," he replied. And then he could sleep all day, unless the Mundanes caused more trouble. Which they would, so he'd probably only get four or five hours of sleep. It'd still be sufficient...

Before he opened the door, Magnus turned to him and looked at him for a moment. Unsure of what to do, Alec just stood there holding his breath. Then, without warning, Magnus kissed him quickly. It was over as soon as it began, but it held every emotion that they were both feeling. The uncertainty of whether this would happen again, the nervousness about the situation as a whole, the worries about Jace from both parties... All of it was combined into that one chaste kiss.

And then Magnus opened the door and Alec walked away without a word to acknowledge what they both already knew.

And when he got back to the Institute and crawled into bed, he didn't bother changing. He got together a bunch of the spare blankets from other rooms and piled them all onto his bed. Even though the room wasn't cold, he wanted to mimic the warmth of Magnus's bed.

He pulled the blankets up over his head and inhaled deeply, breathing in the familiar scent of Magnus mixed with lavender. Between the warmth and the soothing aroma, it was only moments before Alec was able to drift off into sleep.

...Only to be rudely awakened an hour later. But in that one hour, he slept better than he had ever slept inside the Institutes walls. And when he took his sweater off to put on something clean, he tucked the sweater under his pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

**When You Say Forever,** Chapter 5

Magnus was laying on his bed, trying to convince himself that Alexander would start to remember things soon. He already seemed to be picking up on his own instincts, didn't he? He had opened his eyes during their kiss... Then Magnus had made the mistake of opening his own, making Alexander self-conscious...

He sighed and waved his hand, sending a stream of sparks toward the ceiling with no intention other than to entertain himself. There was little to do other than wait for Alexander to show up on his doorstep again, hopefully with full remembrance of his previous life and throw himself into Magnus's arms.

As the sparks subsided, Magnus stretched out. It was probably nearing noon based on the way the sun was coming through the open creases in his curtains.

He needed something to occupy his time. It had been a while since he had thrown a party (two whole days!), but he wasn't feeling in the mood to plan one. He could clean, but that idea didn't really appeal to him at that point in time, either.

Magnus rolled over on his bed, catching a whiff of Alexander's hair on his pillow. Ever since the boy had come back into his life, there was nothing else he could think of. He knew it was pathetic and that his entire existence shouldn't be based on one person, but that was what it had come down to. He had spent so much time thinking about everything he had never said, never done, never felt... Now all he wanted to do was say, do, and feel everything he had dreamed of since he performed the spell.

Instead he was being forced to live through the awkward beginning of his relationship with Alexander all over again. The glances, the sneaking around, the breakdowns, the nervous kisses that never truly gave him what he needed.

Magnus smirked to himself. He was, afterall, a man. Albeit not a mortal man, but a man nonetheless. After going through the months and months it had taken him to get Alexander to come to his bed all those years ago, he had a hard time believing he'd be able to be quite as patient _now_, especially when he knew exactly what he was missing.

He traced his fingers over the curve of the pillow, remembering the first time he and Alexander had made love. It hadn't exactly been the most fulfilling or romantic of their trysts, but Magnus still cherished it. Until then, Magnus had never been with a living human... His partners were usually the fey or vampires, both of which were always very self-centered and quick to leave afterwards, which he had always been fine with.

But with Alexander it had been different... They had been lovers for so long before that night that it was something new for Magnus entirely. He wasn't used to being invested in the coupling on an emotional level, as sad as that was. He had never been _in love_ with the person he was with. All through the beginning of his relationship with Alexander, he had been convinced that he was only feeling the flutter in his chest and the weakness in his knees because it was the thrill of being with a Shadowhunter; someone forbidden. But even when he justified it like that, he couldn't do anything other than think that he'd be able to walk away once he got the ultimate prize: The Shadowhunter's virtue.

Nope, didn't end. After that night, it just meant that he couldn't stay away from him. They met more frequently, even if they weren't necessarily doing anything other than holding each other and talking about the different things that would keep them apart.

Magnus rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, remembering the night he had asked Alexander to let him make him immortal. He had proposed it after they had finished making love one night... He had tried to be casual about asking him, but he was terrified that Alexander would be afraid and would turn him away.

Alexander, bless his soul, had simply looked at Magnus as though he didn't understand if he was joking or serious.

"You... What?" He'd asked.

"I don't want to have to live without you, Alexander," Magnus explained, threading their fingers together. "Whenever you walk out the door, I'm fearful of what might happen to you on your way back to the Institute or when you're out fighting demons. I've never been afraid of anything."

Alexander had just looked at him.

"I think I know a spell which will let me make you immortal, like me. Of course, there are still some things that could kill one or both of us... But... Well... We could be together, Alexander. Forever."

"Magnus--"

"No," Magnus had said. "Don't answer me now... You can think about it. Don't say yes or no until you've thought about everything."

Alexander had thought about it for a few good months. Looking back on it now, Magnus was sure that Alexander really had thought about _everything._ He had weighed every one of his options, looked at the situation from every angle... And then the day that he decided he'd go through with it, he was ripped from Magnus by a demon.

_But I don't need to worry about that now..._ Magnus thought, sitting up in his bed and trying to think about the bright side. _Jace is there to keep him safe... That's the only reason that boy has the strength he's got... I asked for a protector._

He heard a sound from his right, in his fireplace, and looked over to see it flare up in a blaze of green. He looked at it curiously and then, as it subsided, noticed the small piece of paper folded in the middle of the logs.

"I don't do housecalls," he said, opening his hand and watching the paper as it floated toward him. He casually opened the folded page, looking down at the words written in black ink in a hurried script.

It was only a matter of moments before Magnus was out the door.

--

"Magnus!" Isabelle exclaimed when he burst into the room.

"What happened?" He demanded, looking at Alexander lying on the bed. The scene was all too familiar and he felt his heart shattering.

"A Greater Demon," Isabelle said as she stood, "Hodge said that his antidotes weren't--"

"Obviously," Magnus said, getting closer to Alexander and trying to sense how much damage had been done.

"Do you think you can--"

"Get out."

"What?"

"You need to get out. Close the door."

Magnus didn't watch her go, but he heard the door close. He locked the door with a wave of his hand and without looking away from Alexander.

He was lying there so still, barely breathing, and Magnus couldn't help but wonder if he was going to lose him again... If he was going to have to make the choice between keeping him and trying the spell to start them over again in the future.

"No," he said aloud. "I'm not letting you get away from me again..."

He rolled up his sleeves, feeling uncomfortably similar to a doctor in a lab coat, and went to work.

First he did what Hodge seemed to have forgotten to do and cleaned the wound as best he could without causing Alexander further pain. He knew he was hurting him whenever the unconscious form in his hands would lurch forward or cough violently. But there was nothing he could do to ease his pain... The poison had been in his system for far too long already and Magnus didn't have any time to do magic that wouldn't save the boy. Alexander's comfort wasn't as important as his life at this point, and even though it was killing Magnus to know that his lover was in pain, he had no other choice.

He tried everything he knew, but it was so rare for someone to survive an attack on a Greater Demon to begin with that he had treated so few... He didn't make housecalls, afterall, and this was usually something that the Silent Brothers would have been called for. If the Silent Brothers couldn't come, you and your family generally started planning the funeral and saying goodbyes.

But Magnus _was_ here and he _was_ going to save Alexander, even if it killed him.

It was nearly six hours before Magnus felt confident enough that he had gotten every ounce of poison out of Alexander's system that he stopped. While trying to keep from falling over but still staying close enough to Alexander that he could feel his pulse, Magnus pulled a chair up as close as he could get it to the infirmary bed and sat down.

His entire body ached with exhaustion. His hands were throbbing and his head was pounding so hard that the sound of his own thoughts were hurting him, and this wasn't even including the pain in his chest whenever the thought that Alexander wouldn't wake up crossed his mind.

Of course the chance remained... Magnus knew that the poison of a Greater Demon could be removed after much effort, which he had done, but that didn't mean that the person would wake up the same. It didn't even mean that the person would wake up.

He couldn't fix everything about Alexander... He had been able to do everything he could, but there were still some superficial injuries, and perhaps a broken or sprained ankle, that would have to be addressed later. For now, Magnus just wanted to see Alexander open his eyes and remember him... Remember everything.

"Just open your eyes for me," Magnus whispered, brushing a strand of the boy's dark hair away from his face. "Just let me know I haven't lost you again."

Magnus sat there staring at Alexander for what felt like hours... There was no light coming into the room, because there were no windows, so Magnus had no idea what time it was or how much more time could be expected to go by before the boy would wake up.

But he did know that he was going to go insane if something didn't happen soon.

Just when he felt like hope was fading, there was a deep intake of breath from the bed, breaking his concentration within his own mind, and Alexander's eyes slowly began to open.

It was all Magnus could do to restrain himself from jumping on the bed and throwing his arms around him.

Alexander blinked a few times and then tried to move, but then grimaced noticeably and stopped.

"You were attacked by a Greater Demon," Magnus explained.

As if he hadn't previously noticed Magnus in the room, Alec turned his head sharply and then groaned in pain. It pained Magnus to see him like this, but there wasn't much he could do for the pain in his own state of weakness.

"Where is Jace?" Alexander asked.

Magnus felt like he had been stabbed through the heart.

"I don't know..." Magnus said, looking down at his hands. There was dried blood on his previously perfectly-manicured fingernails and the tips of his fingers were still tingling... All that effort, and the first thing Alexander asked him was about the _blonde._ "He wasn't around when I arrived."

"How... Why did you come?"

"Does it matter?"

"How did you know to come?"

"Again, Alexander, does it matter? I came, I saved you, the end." Magnus winced at the harshness of his own words.

"Thank you," Alexander said, his blue eyes meeting Magnus's.

Magnus could see the thanks in the depths of the blue, but he didn't see the adoration and love that he so desperately needed to see. Every moment that he didn't see it sent him further into the belief that his spell hadn't worked a century ago and he was going to have to try to win the boy over _all over again._

--

Alec stared into Magnus's eyes for several moments before averting his gaze. He looked down at Magnus's hands, folded in his lap, and then reached out faintly and took one of them before he realized exactly what he was doing.

He could see blood on his hands, Alec's own blood, and felt an unfamiliar stirring in his stomach.

Magnus met his eyes again and Alec couldn't help but feel terrible, though he didn't know _why_ he felt horrible. The stirring in his stomach was replaced by a feeling of dread, like something terrible was supposed to happen.

Alec blinked several times and then took a moment to regain his thoughts. He felt tired and overwhelmed, but there was something else he couldn't place. He was trying to come up with words to express his thanks to Magnus, but it was as though he couldn't form the sentences to say them.

Magnus squeezed his hand gently and Alec looked at their hands, fingers now entwined, and realized he could feel Magnus's pulse synched with his own. Magnus's hand felt warm and it was at that moment that Alec realized exactly how cold he was. He had always seemed unable to stay warm when other people were... Even now, in the middle of August, he felt chilled, though that could have been from blood loss.

He tore his eyes away from their hands and scanned the room, looking for a blanket.

"What's wrong?" Magnus asked, concern apparent in his voice.

"I'm... Well, I'm kind of cold," Alec admitted, not seeing any and wondering where on earth they all were.

_In your room,_ he told himself. _You took them all last night..._

Magnus looked around and saw the same lack of blankets that Alec did. He looked back at Alec and then seemed to hesitate for a moment.

Alec, wondering what had given Magnus pause, let his mind wander to where he assumed Magnus's mind had gone. He swallowed air and then, being mindful of which parts of his body were more sore than the other, shuffled sideways on the small bed, still holding Magnus's hand.

After a moment of surprise, Magnus accepted Alec's silent invitation and got into the bed next to him. Carefully helping Alec curl into him without causing him any pain, Magnus wrapped his arms around the boy and just held him.

--

When Magnus woke up in the morning, he felt light and warm in a way he wasn't used to. When he opened his eyes, he found himself in the bleak infirmary of the Institute, a place he most certainly had never woken up before.

He blinked a few times and realized exactly _where_ he was and _who he was with._

Behind him, he could feel Alexander pressed into his back, his arms wrapped around him. Magnus took a deep breath and then held it, waiting to feel Alexander breathing against him. He was rewarded a moment later by a warm breath passing over his neck, causing his stomach to flutter and his hair to stand on end.

Content, Magnus closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep, entwining his fingers with one of Alexander's hands as he did.


	6. Chapter 6

(AN: This chapter contains several quotes from CoA. I do not own CoA, CoB, etc. Don't sue me. They're just in here because my story directly parallels the books.)

**When You Say Forever,** Chapter 6

"Are you sure you have to go?" Magnus asked, his forehead pressed to Alexander's.

"It's almost four in the morning. A, I'm betting tired and B, my mother is back at the Institute. She also has a habit of checking on me. If she hasn't noticed I'm gone yet, she'll notice soon." He said, staring into Magnus's eyes as he did.

Magnus didn't know which Shadowhunter was Alexander's mother or if he had met her before. The name Lightwood clicked in his head, but so many other Shadowhunter names also clicked in his head. He was thinking that perhaps it was Maryse, mainly because her eyes matched Alexander's, but at the same time, he could have been born to Valentine and still looked like this. Magnus had made sure he would be the same person.

_Only weaker,_ he reminded himself, looking into Alexander's eyes and seeing the faint shimmer of his vulnerability encased within the blue.

"Magnus?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you know much about the Inquisitor?"

Surprised by this slightly mood-breaking question, Magnus drew away, noting the dark red patch he had left on Alexander's neck several minutes prior. He smiled inwardly.

"What about her?"

"I know of her and I know what she's capable of... But I think she's been called to deal with Jace," Alec said, averting his eyes. "And I'm worried."

"You have nothing to worry about. If your friend is innocent, he will be fine."

"He is."

"Then he has nothing to worry about," Magnus said shortly. Realizing that he didn't actually want to try to keep Alexander any longer when he knew that the golden-eyed dreamboat was on his mind, Magnus started to walk to the door, Alexander in toe.

When they arrived at the door, Magnus stopped and looked at Alexander, meeting his eyes and smiling at him. Alexander looked down at the floor for a moment and then toward Magnus's hand, which rested on the doorknob.

Alexander took a step forward and leaned in to kiss Magnus lightly. It was a chaste kiss, almost as if to thank him for not reacting to Alexander's speaking of Jace. He placed his hand over Magnus's on the doorknob and turned it, and Magnus wondered if Alexander could feel the warm tingle that spread through each nerve in his hand, up his arm and straight through his entire body.

"I'll see you?" Alexander said.

"You will," Magnus replied as he held the door opened and watched Alexander walk off on the dimly lit sidewalk. After the final over the shoulder glance back, Alexander finally began walking away at a more steady pace. When Magnus could no longer see they boy's shadow in the far distance, he stepped back and closed the door, sighing loudly.

Chairman Meow peeked around the corner and mewed.

"Go to sleep," Magnus said. "There's nothing more to see tonight."

The cat looked about as annoyed as a cat can convey and then pranced off into the living room. Magnus watched him go and thought about how many different habits and traits Alexander was beginning to find.

His instincts had already told him to open his eyes when they kissed, bringing back a natural connection that seemed to grow each time they were together. But aside from that, Magnus noticed that Alexander had been touching him more than he had a mere few weeks ago. He was still tentative and very innocent about everything, but he was learning, and he seemed to have an instinctual feel for every one of Magnus's weak spots.

Then again, Magnus thought with a sly smile, he also knew where all of Alexander's weak spots were and had been taking full advantage of it. Alexander himself probably didn't even know where they were... But Magnus hadn't left that mark by mistake.

He began to head back to his room, wondering if he actually wanted to go to sleep tonight, and waved his hand to latch the door shut. The last thing he needed was an unwelcomed vampire barging in at the first sight of daylight just because the Night Child was too late getting back to his little house.

--

Alec heard the elevator as he was walking back from the kitchen, where he had been trying to get rid of the red blemish he had spotted on his neck. Courtesy of Magnus Bane, Alec had almost been expecting it to start flashing with a glittery signature. Magnus liked to put his signature on things, didn't he?

He had seen a woman who he could only guess was the Inquisitor. The very _unhappy_ Inquisitor.

_Well... You'd be unhappy, too, if you got here at five in the morning,_ Alec noted.

"Alec. What are you doing awake at this hour?" His mother asked.

Alec turned away slightly so that the left side of his neck wasn't visible to her. "I was getting a glass of water."

"Ah. Well, if you wouldn't mind, could you go and wake Jace? I'd like him to meet me in the library."

He nodded, reaching up and pretending to scratch his neck as he walked by her. Once he turned the corner, he heard the two women walk away in the direction of the library. The Inquisitor had looked like a very strict woman, but she was much older than Alec would have imagined her to be.

Alec wondered what she would want to talk to Jace about at this hour. Why couldn't whatever she had to say wait until morning? Would it be so terrible to wait just four more hours and then catch him after he's had time to wake up and start functioning?

He arrived at Jace's door and knocked on it hesitantly at first, almost wishing that Jace was already awake and would come to the door right away and make a joke about his weak knocking.

When the door didn't open, he knocked again, harder this time, and a moment later the door opened, covering Jace in light.

Alec looked at Jace as he tried to blink the light out of his eyes. He looked like a sleepy angel, his golden hair forming almost a bed-head halo around his head. All Alec wanted to do was smooth it down to the sides, but instead he just shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor to push the thoughts away.

"Alec?"

"Sorry it's so early. Mom sent me to get you. She wants to see you in the library," he said, barely looking at Jace. Instead, he was looking past him into the blackness of the room.

"What time is it?"

"Five a.m."

"What the hell are you doing up?"

"I... Never went to bed." Alec said with a shrug. It wasn't like he was lying...

He watched as Jace ran a hand through his hair, making his hair form a crooked halo, something that almost made Alec want to laugh. "All right. Hang on a second while I change my shirt."

Alec swallowed but watched as Jace walked back into the room. The light seemed to follow him, so Alec took a step slightly to the side to let more of the light in. After a moment of digging through one of his drawers, he found a shirt that was suitable and pulled his other shirt over his head. Again, Alec swallowed hard and tried not to stare at the shirtless version of Jace standing but ten feet from him. Then he noticed the cuts and bruises that stood out on Jace's skin.

He looked away.

"What happened to you?"

"Picked a fight with a pack of werewolves." He said it like it was an everyday occurrence as he pulled the clean shirt over his head and walked back over to Alec, ready to head to the library. He wasn't even wearing shoes.

They started walking and Alec tried to push the image of Jace without a shirt out of his head. It wasn't appropriate... Now, anyway.

_No, ever,_ He reminded himself. _You shouldn't think about him like that._

"You have something on your neck," Jace said, startling him out of his inner quarrel.

_Shit,_ Alec thought, his hand flying to his neck. "What?"

"Looks like a bite mark. What were you doing out all night, anyway?"

"Nothing," Alec said, knowing that he was blushing as he lied. "I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head." _And ended up at Magnus's... As I do at least twice a week._

"And ran into a vampire?" Jace joked.

"What? No! I... fell."

"On you _neck?_"

Alec choked slightly on his retort and Jace seemed to get the hint.

"Fine, whatever. What did you need to clear your head about?"

"You. My parents. They came and explained why they were so angry after you left. And they explained about Hodge. Thanks for not telling me that, by the way," Alec said, nudging Jace in the arm.

"Sorry," Jace said, his face flushing slightly. "I couldn't bring myself to do it, somehow."

"Well, it doesn't look good... It looks like you were hiding things." Alec let his hand fall away from his neck and looked at Jace. "Things about Valentine."

Jace stopped short and stared at Alec, looking as though he felt betrayed. "Do _you_ think I was lying? About not knowing Valentine was my father?"

"No!" Alec replied, wondering if his words had been taken for the wrong meaning. "And I don't care who your father is either. It doesn't matter to me. You're still the same person." He reached out to put a hand on Jace's shoulder, but Jace took a step away.

"Whoever that is." Jace's words were colder than Alec expected and he nearly shivered under the stab of them.

"I'm just saying. You can be a little—Harsh sometimes. Just think before you talk, that's all I'm asking. No one's your enemy here, Jace." He took a step forward, wanting to offer Jace some form of comfort, but Jace took a few steps backwards and then turned away.

"Well, thanks for the advice. I can walk myself the rest of the way to the library."

"_Jace—_" Alec practically said his name as more of a begging plea for understanding, but Jace walked off all the same and Alec knew better than to follow him. Instead of making things worse, he simply turned around and walked back toward his room.

What was he supposed to do? He cared about Jace so much, but it was like Jace wanted to cause trouble for himself. A fight with a pack of werewolves? That dragon demon in the sewers? Did he _want_ to get himself killed?

Alec felt an unfamiliar pulse on his neck and reached up to touch the mark Magnus had left. It was funny how the most unstable aspect of his life, his unchartered fling with Magnus, was currently relaying his pulse to him... His stable pulse.

--

Magnus sat in his armchair watching another rerun of _America's Next Top Model_. He really enjoyed the makeover episodes, so he frequently sat down and conjured them up one by one. His favorites were when the girls with really long hair cried as their hair was chopped off in large clumps, especially in braids or pony tails.

He hadn't seen Alexander in several days, which generally wasn't good. It meant that there was some kind of drama going on at the Institute. He had heard from a few fellow Downworlders that the Inquisitor was at the Institute, which tended to put people on edge.

Imogen wasn't an easy person to deal with by any means, but Magnus knew that she wasn't unjust unless there were extremely extenuating circumstances. After the Circle had been broken, she had done everything in her power to get those who had fought for Valentine to see justice. Most of them had renounced their leader upon learning of his true nature. That tended to be how it went with everyone...

His fire flared up across the room in a flash of green.

With a brief mental flashback to what had happened last time he received a letter, he hastily summoned the letter and almost tore it in his rush to unfold it.

"Magnus," it read. "Jace has been taken to be held in the Silent City."

"Too bad for him," Magnus said aloud. Why was Alexander writing him about Jace?

"We are going tonight to see if we can just speak to him. We may need your help. I can't use my phone right now, but I'll message you later. Please, I really need your help with this."

Magnus placed the paper on the side of his chair and wondered if there was anything Alexander _wouldn't_ ask of him. Did he not realize that Magnus _knew_ how he felt about Jace? How easy it would be for him to simply say "No, let him rot in there," and take Alexander for himself?

But at the same time, maybe Alexander _did_ know what he was doing. He was toying with Magnus's emotions in such a way that he could manipulate him into doing almost anything he asked. With a deep sigh, Magnus realized that he was going to be taking a trip back to his old home.

--

"Hi, Clary," Alec said, slightly surprised that the girl was being pulled into the room by Isabelle. "What are you doing here?"

She sat down on the stool in front of Isabelle's vanity table. Without thinking, Alec focused on the table for a moment and thought of Magnus and how infuriated he would be by the lack of organization on the vanity.

"Isabelle texted me. She told me what happened to Jace."

Alec looked at Isabelle, hoping she sensed his anger from his gaze.

"Oh, come on, Alec. I thought she should know. I didn't know she'd come racing up here!"

"Of course I came! Is he all right? Why on earth did the Inquisitor throw him in Prison?"

"It's not prison exactly. He's in the Silent City." Alec began to play with one of Isabelle's many plush pillows in order to get out some of his anxiety. It was either that or start breaking his own fingers in his nervousness for Jace.

"In the Silent City? Why?"

Alec looked down at the pillow for a moment, toying with a strand of beads that hung over a corner. "There are cells under the Silent City..."

--

Magnus arrived at the arch to the Marble Cemetery and saw no signs of Alexander or his sister. However, he did have a strange feeling that something was amiss. He took a few steps toward the door to the City, which looked as though it had been opened recently, but not by normal means. It almost reeked of a demonic presence. Magnus had simply planned to ask the Silent Brothers to let the two of them speak to Jace and then leave, considering his work done ahead of time, needing no actual interaction with Alexander in which he'd have to talk about Jace.

But something was wrong here.

He turned away and walked out of the gates, but planned to stay close by in case anything happened to Alexander.

--

Alec looked into his sister's eyes and saw the same fear reflected there.

"Something's wrong with him," she said to the Inquisitor. "Something serious."

"He probably needs a healing rune." The Inquisitor said. She seemed as though she was almost offended by Jace's affliction. "An _iratze_ or—"

"We _tried_ that. It isn't working," Alec pleaded. "I think there's something of demonic origin going on here."

"Like demon poisoning?" His mother took a few steps forward, as though intending to come to the teens' aid, but the Inquisitor held her back, like she wasn't yet convinced.

"He's shamming," she said. "He ought to be in the Silent City's cells right now."

Alec jumped to his feet, nearly falling backwards with the sheer force of his own weight landing on his feet. "You can't say that—_look_ at him!" With his words, Alec himself looked at Jace, angellic Jace, who had fallen back in the grass and closed his eyes. "He can't even stand up. He needs doctors, he needs—"

"The Silent Brothers are dead," the Inquisitor stated bluntly. "Are you suggesting a mundane hospital?" Her tone was mocking him.

"No." He took a deep breath. "I thought he could go to Magnus." There, he'd said it.

Isabelle seemed to choke on air and looked at him in shock. The Inquisitor looked at him with the same questioning expression, though hers held no emotion.

"Magnus?" The Inquisitor asked.

"He's a warlock. Actually, he's the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"You mean Magnus Bane," his mother said. His name sounded harsher when it came from her lips. "He has a reputation—"

"He healed me after I fought a Greater Demon," Alec explained. "The Silent Brothers couldn't do anything, but Magnus..." Alec trailed off, not knowing what he could say. _Magnus cuddled me until I was all better again_. No, that wouldn't cut it.

"It's ridiculous," the Inquisitor snapped. "What you want is to help Jonathan escape."

"He's not well enough to escape!" Isabelle argued. "Can't you see that?"

"Magnus would never let that happen," Alec said, looking over at Isabelle. "He's not interested in crossing the Clave."

"And how would he propose preventing it?" She was doubting Alec's plan, mocking him with each word she spoke. "Jonathan _is_ a Sahdowhunter; we're not so easy to keep under lock and key."

"Maybe you should ask him," Alec suggested, hoping that Magnus would come through for him on that favor.

The Inquisitor flashed her teeth at him, as though baiting him. "By all means. Where is he?"

Alec swallowed hard and looked down at his phone, hoping Magnus really was close by. Otherwise, he was about to make himself look extremely foolish.

"He's here," Alec stated. The Inquisitor looked as though she were ready to laugh... At the same time, Alec felt as though he was ready to vomit.

--

Magnus stood outside of the arch, waiting to make his dramatic entrance.

"Magnus! Magnus, come on out!"

Magnus walked through the gate, trying to take in the Inquisitor's shocked stare without showing that he was enjoying it too much. He looked at Alexander, who was looking at him with a returned flash of amusement in his eyes, but then looked down at Jace, who was lying in the grass looking, well... Dead.

"Is he dead?" Magnus asked, knowing very well that he wasn't actually dead. Alec wouldn't be so calm. "He looks dead."

"No," said a woman, stepping forward. "He's not dead."

Magnus studied her with a quick glance and was convinced that she was Alexander's mother. If he wasn't mistaking, it was Maryse, whom he had originally pegged as being the Lightwood from his memory.

"Have you checked? I could kick him if you want." Magnus took a few steps in that direction, half expecting Alec to throw himself over the weak form lying on the grass. Instead, he was scolded by the Inquisitor herself.

"Stop that! He's not dead, but he's injured." She sounded upset that he was injured only because it foiled her plans to cause him pain herself. "Your medical skills are required. Jonathan needs to be well enough for the interrogation."

"Fine, but it'll cost you," Magnus replied, wondering how much the Clave would be willing to pay for the mending of the boy just so they could break him again later.

"I'll pay it," said Maryse.

After some further bickering back and forth about Jace being a flight risk and then being defended by his little girlfriend Isabelle, Magnus was tired of the arguments.

"Look, it's not a problem. I can keep Jace at my place easily enough."

After his suggestion, the Inquisitor did not turn to him, but instead to Alexander.

"Your warlock does realize that Jonathan is a witness of utmost importance to the Clave?"

Magnus grinned.

"He's not _my_ warlock," Alexander said as his cheeks flushed scarlet.

Magnus turned to her, serious now. "I've held prisoners for the Clave before. I think you'll find that I have an excellent record in that department. My contract is one of the best." Magnus let his eyes drift over the crowd of Shadowhunters, lingering briefly on each of the former members of the Circle who had been in his "captivity" while awaiting trial. They stopped at Maryse, who looked down at the ground.

"It's settled, then," said the Inquisitor. "Let me know when he is well enough to talk, warlock. I've still got plenty of questions for him."

"Of course," Magnus said, moving over toward Jace, whose sister was knelt down next to him. "Can he talk?" He asked her.

Jace's eyes opened then and looked around in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, roommate." Magnus said, looking down at Jace and then back up at Alexander. This was going to be an interesting experience for all three of them.


	7. Chapter 7

(AN: Though this chapter has direct quotes from _City of Ashes,_ I do not own it and do not mean any infringement by using it. It is merely there to push the story further along. Please don't sue. Also, the "chapter song" for this chapter is "Come Undone" by Vanessa Carlton and can be found on YouTube. Enjoy.)

**When You Say Forever, **Chapter 7

"There is no chance I'm going to let you do this, Alec," Jace said, his tone threatening. "I'll wrestle you to the ground if I have to."

Magnus watched with bored eyes as Alexander seemed to blush at the mere thought of being taken down by Jace. "While that does sound tempting," he said, flipping the silk sleeves of his shirt back above his hands, "there is another way."

"What other way? This is a directive from the Clave. I can't just weasel out of it."

"But I can," Magnus replied with a devious grin. "Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope. I specifically enchanted the contract with the Inquisitor so that I could let you go for a short time if I desired, as long as another of the Nephilim was willing to take your place."

"Where are you going to find another—Oh," Alexander said, realizing half-way through his sentence what Magnus was implying. "You mean me."

Jace raised his eyebrows at him. "Oh, now you don't _want_ to go to the Seelie Court?"

Magnus watched as Alexander began to blush.

"I think it's more important for you to go than me. You're Valentine's son, I'm sure you're the one the Queen really wants to see. Besides, you're charming."

Magnus wanted to gag, but instead just looked at Jace, who was glaring at Alexander.

"Maybe not at the moment. But you're _usually_ charming. And faeries are very susceptible to charm," said Alexander.

"Plus," Mangnus said, looking at Alexander. "If you stay here, I've got the whole first season of _Gilligan's Island_ on DVD." He winked.

"No one could turn _that_ down," Jace muttered.

Alexander looked at Magnus in slight confusion and then back to Jace. "Isabelle can meet you in the park by Turtle Pond. She knows the secret entrance to the Court. She'll be waiting."

"And one last thing," Magnus said, pointing a perfectly-manicured fingernail at Jace, "Try not to get yourself killed in the Seelie Court. If you die, I'll have a lot of explaining to do."

--

Alec watched Magnus close the door as Jace, Clary, and Simon walked down the stairs.

"Who's Gilligan?" Alec asked from several steps away.

Magnus rolled his eyes and locked the door. "He's an unfortunate fellow who is klutzy and went on a three hour boat ride that—Well, it lasted a lot longer than three hours." He approached Alec and touched his face softly, "Much like I'm hoping their visit to the Queen will."

Blood rushed to Alec's face, turning his cheeks the same shade of red as Magnus's nail polish.

"It's been a while since I've had you to myself," Magnus said, leaning forward to brush his lips against Alec's. They stayed like that, unmoving, for several moments.

Alec moved first, but instead of pulling away the way he usually did, he deepened the kiss, raising his hand to cup Magnus's neck in his hand and tilting him back slightly to grant better access to his mouth.

Seeming emboldened by Magnus's compliance with his new-found bravery, he put his other hand on his shoulder and lightly pushed him backwards until he had him against the wall. Magnus pulled him closer and hesitantly slipped his fingers under the bottom of Alec's oversized sweater.

Alec gasped softly at the sensation of Magnus's warm fingers on the sensitive skin of his sides and then the cool feeling that followed when the cool metal of his rings pressed against him. It was all new to him... He hadn't ever let Magnus get below the surface. He was used to kissing him, touching him over his clothes—they were usually tight enough to leave little to the imagination—and receiving the same in return. But tonight there was something different. Alec didn't know what it was, but he felt like he was suddenly cold, like he wouldn't be able to be warm until Magnus's hands had touched every inch of his skin the way he was now.

And he wanted to do the same.

His mind was racing as he tried not to let this strange instinct overtake him. He didn't love Magnus, but then what was going on? Suddenly he couldn't get close enough to him, couldn't get _enough_ of him. There was a part of him that was telling him to pull away, to tell Magnus that he just wanted to watch _Gilligan_ or _Top Model_, but there was an unfamiliar pull from the back of his mind telling him just to put up his hands in defeat to his hormones and see what happens.

So he did.

Alec put his hands on Magnus's shoulders for a moment before raising them above his head tentatively, as though hoping that Magnus would understand without him having to say anything. He was afraid that if he _did_ say something, it would come out horribly, horribly wrong.

Magnus seemed to pause for a moment and in that moment Alec realized how desperately he needed the contact between them. It wasn't just the hormones of a teenage boy, it was so much more than that, but at the same time he had no idea what it was. He just knew that he was going to go to hell for feeling it.

The fingers gripped the edge of his sweater as if asking if this was what Alec really wanted. Alec pulled away from their kiss but didn't open his eyes, just raised his arms out higher.

--

In the moment when Magnus pulled the sweater over Alexander's head, he realized exactly what was happening. He was reliving their last time. Though he was sure it wouldn't go that far tonight, he had a terrible feeling in the bottom of his stomach, knowing what had happened only two weeks later.

But as he dropped the sweater to the floor, he couldn't think about it anymore because Alexander was kissing him again and fiddling with the buttons on his shirt with unsure and trembling fingers.

Magnus brought his hands from Alexander's waist to help him with the buttons, a feat that was slightly difficult to do without the aid of sight, since their fingers kept interfering with each other. He knew it would have been easier to use magic, but he didn't want to ruin the moment by showing off his ability to make his shirt fly off of his body and into a neat, folded pile across the room. Although he knew that it was going to end up on the floor otherwise and it was silk and it would _wrinkle_, but as Alexander's fingers finally slipped past the buttons and touched his chest, Magnus decided that it would be worth the extra effort to iron out the wrinkles later.

As the shirt slipped off his shoulders, Alexander's mouth trailed away from his mouth to explore new territory, almost immediately finding the sensitive spot just below Magnus's collarbone. As the boy carefully played with the skin there, biting gently and then sucking, Magnus knew that _his_ Alexander really was in there. No one else knew about that spot and Alexander had gone to it almost immediately.

Magnus gasped when Alexander applied more pressure, making Alexander jump slightly at the sound, but he didn't stop. He let his hands move up Alexander's back and then carefully ran his nails over the curve of his spine, making Alexander shiver and grip one of his hips harder.

He lifted one of his legs, wrapping it around Alexander's waist and aligning their hips, causing a lovely new kind of friction that Magnus was sure Alexander had never experienced before. Not only because he _knew_ it, but because of the very audible sound that escaped his lips.

Magnus smiled.

Alexander kissed Magnus, as if telling him to wipe that grin off his face, and at the same time, the pair of them opened their eyes.

They stared at each other as they kissed, almost as if each was trying to read the other's mind, hoping that he was thinking the same thing and that they were on the same page. Magnus looked into Alexander's glass-blue eyes and wondered exactly what the boy _was_ thinking at that moment.

--

Alec looked into Magnus's cat-like eyes as they kissed and couldn't help but wonder exactly what was so alluring about the intimacy of doing this while they kissed. He couldn't say that he could see much... Everything was out of focus and he knew he looked like a total cross-eyed dork, but he didn't care. It was pleasant.

He fought not to blink as his eyes began to feel as though someone was stuffing them with cotton balls. He didn't want to break the strange connection they seemed to have at that moment. He would blink when Magnus did, not a moment sooner.

Magnus, who was currently standing on one leg, shifted slightly, bringing the strange friction back to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't help but to close his eyes, feeling the fluid rushing behind his eyelids to rehydrate his poor pupils. But then there was something else...

A bright light seemed to explode inside his head, blinding him and dazing him. He opened his eyes and tried to blink, but the light had been so disorienting that he stumbled backwards, tripping over his sweater and sliding on the silk shirt Magnus had worn. As he tried to maintain his balance, he suddenly felt dizzy, like his head was growing exponentially and was too heavy for his shoulders.

"Alexander?" Magnus sounded concerned, and even though Alec couldn't see him, he could hear him approaching.

Alec, who had reached the other side of the wide hallway and was leaning on the wall, grasping his head in his hands, slowly let himself be lowered to the floor.

"Alexander, what's wrong?"

For the first time, Alec's mind didn't register that Magnus was calling him by his birth name. Instead, it sounded more natural for Magnus to call him that than his own parents, which was odd, since it generally came in the form of a scolding.

Alec opened his mouth to speak but discovered that he couldn't find words. He tried to open his eyes, but the light was still there, shining brightly and sending his head reeling, and made his eyelids feel heavy.

"Talk to me," Magnus said, touching his shoulder.

"There's a light..." Alec replied knowing how ridiculous he sounded.

"Then whatever you do, don't walk towards it," Magnus replied. Though his tone held amusement, Alec could still tell that he was worried.

Again he tried to open his eyes and this time he found success, but it was short lived. No sooner had he opened his eyes and blinked away the light, everything began to blur in and out of focus. He saw Magnus, crouched down in front of him and blinked several times.

"How many fingers?" Magnus asked, holding up his hand a few inches from Alec's face.

Alec blinked a few more times but as Magnus's hand swayed in front of him, he suddenly felt nauseated and leaned forward into his knees, closing his eyes.

"If you tell me what's wrong, I can try to fix it," Magnus said.

"I'm dizzy."

"Did I do something?"

"No... I—I don't know what it is. But, oh—" Alec tried to open his eyes as the light seemed to fade back in behind his closed eyes, but he failed. Heavy Eyelid Syndrome was taking effect again.

"You need to lie down," Magnus said and Alec heard him standing. "This is going to feel strange, but I'm going to levitate you to the bedroom. I apologize in advance if your head hits anything or if you suddenly find yourself on a coat hook." Again, his tone was joking, but Alec could tell that he was sincerely worried.

After a moment, he did feel something strange, like his stomach falling out under him, but it was overshadowed by the dizziness he felt that seemed to be traveling between his head, his toes, and every other fiber of his body. Before long, he felt himself being lowered into a feather-soft bed and then felt the side of the bed next to him shifting under Magnus's weight.

The light faded and he tried to open his eyes. Now he could see Magnus somewhat clearer, but not much.

Magnus smiled nervously, showing Alec his perfect smile, lined in lipstick that never seemed to smudge. "No fingers this time," he said. "How many of me are there?"

"Only one," Alec replied, trying to smile. "I don't know what I'd do if there were more than that."

"Do you want me to get you some water? Gingerale? Starbucks?" He paused. "Vodka?"

"I'm fine. I think... I don't know, I just got a little..." He didn't know how to describe it.

"You had some kind of a spell," Magnus said. "Which worries me, because you shouldn't be seeing bright lights."

"I didn't walk toward it," Alec replied.

"I doubt you would've been able to take two steps."

Alec looked at Magnus, who was on the edge of the bed and slowly coming more into focus. He could actually _look_ at him now, could see all the marks that painted the caramel skin of his chest, and the new red mark that was starting to appear just below his collarbone.

"I think you just need to lay here for a while," Magnus said. "I'll go watch TV or something." He moved to get up, but Alec caught his arm.

"Would you stay with me? Just—Just in case it happens again or something. I don't want to be alone," Alec said. He knew he sounded foolish, but he really didn't like the idea that it could come back.

Magnus looked at him for a moment and Alec could almost see the gears working as he thought. He then sat down on the bed and said, "Do you want me to sit over there and watch you sleep or stay here?"

Alec, who was still holding onto his arm, gently gave him a pull and brought him down next to him. He wordlessly slipped into Magnus's arms, the only place that seemed to make sense right now, and curled into the warm skin he found. As he slipped into a welcomed unconsciousness, he wondered if Magnus thought he was crazy.

--

Magnus watched as Alexander fell asleep almost instantly. Well, of course he did, since Magnus was manipulating his mind to put him to sleep. In normal circumstances he never would have done it, but after what Alexander had just experienced, he thought it best that his body rest.

_He's starting to remember_, Magnus thought, tightening his arms around the sleeping form in his arms. _The light... That's the only explanation for it..._

It made sense... Even though Alexander had been finding old instincts that his former self had, it hadn't been _memories_ that he was experiencing. If Magnus was right, now that something had triggered the light, Alexander would begin to remember his time with Magnus whenever something else was triggered.

_I'll finally have him back,_ he thought with a smile. The problem was that there were so few things that Magnus could think of that would trigger memories. It wasn't that nothing was significant enough to be a trigger, of course _every moment_ was significant, but from what Magnus understood of the spell, it would be small things that would bring the memories back to Alexander.

What had it been tonight? It had happened just after they had blinked away from their kiss, broken it momentarily. Magnus had opened his eyes again expecting to look back at Alexander, but the boy had been squeezing his eyes closed, like he was in pain. That hadn't been cause for alarm, since they had had their eyes open for a long time and his eyes probably burned when he closed them. The alarm had come when he had stumbled backwards, and Magnus hadn't only been worried because of his shirt (which was now probably irreparable), but because Alexander had looked so afraid, incapable of opening his eyes.

His first thought was that maybe Alexander was reliving a memory, but it wasn't a good one. When Alexander mentioned the light, Magnus knew almost immediately what was going on. Or at least, it was what he was hoping was happening.

It seemed like all he had anymore was hope. He _hoped_ that Alexander would remember him, he _hoped_ Alexander would choose him, he _hoped_ Jace would be trapped forever in the Seelie Court for something stupid. Okay, so he wouldn't wish that on anyone, but it would've made his life easier if Jace wasn't in it.

Magnus knew that Jace was slowing down the process and even though he also knew that he only had himself to blame for that, he couldn't help but hold a grudge.

_It is your fault, you know,_ he told himself. _Not only did you ask for a protector, but the boy is_ pretty._ Why are you so incapable of creating anything other than _pretty_?_

Alexander shifted in his arms, bringing Magnus out of his rant to himself. He gently kissed Alexander's forehead and wondered silently if the boy even knew how Magnus felt about him. He couldn't possibly comprehend the level of commitment Magnus felt towards him, but he had to know that it meant something more than a casual fling, didn't he? Magnus hadn't charged the Shadowhunters for any of his recent services, which was sure to be raising eyebrows among the Downworlders of the area, but he didn't care. He just wanted Alexander to see how much he cared.

And he did care. So much.

But Alexander, who seemed to think himself unworthy of any praise, hardly seemed to see that he cared. _Maybe,_ Magnus thought, _Maybe if Jace wasn't so prevalent in his mind, he'd be able to see what was right in front of him._

Magnus sighed and tried to stop thinking about the blonde. There was only so much self-pity one could give in such a short time span and Magnus was sure that his anxiety was simply going to cause unwanted wrinkles that he would have to smooth on his face the next day.

For now, he decided to savor the new feeling of Alexander sleeping in his arms. Yes, he had gotten to before, but it was new now because Alexander wasn't in questionable health. In fact, Magnus thought he was better than he had been in a long time.

Because now he was on his way to being _Alexander._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** Lots of this is clearly from CoA (WHICH I STILL DO NOT OWN, kthnks), but with lots of added extras. It's kind of long (took me three hours to get it right. Thirteen pages in Word). It's mostly a set up for the next chapter, but it was completely necessary. I also love feedback, even if you're just pointing out a typo or something ;)

**When You Say Forever**, Chapter 8

Magnus was walking down the street, feeling the change in temperature as he neared the water. He had known that the tired state he had been in for several days now wasn't exactly ideal, but now it was just plain inconvenient. Alexander had been draining his energy without even knowing it and it could be the reason for avoidable deaths and he would only have himself to blame.

But wouldn't it all be worth it in the end?

He knew what the Shadowhunter was going to ask of him. The boy needed to get to a boat, but couldn't use a boat to get there. And on top of it, he needed Magnus to tear down wards on Valentine's ship so that he could go and fight him. This was going to be an endeavor which would either put him in very good standing with the Clave, if they ever showed up, or was going to kill him. While he hoped for the former, he was almost expecting the latter. And no one would be around to make sure he came back...

He spotted Jace, the werewolf, and Clary near the water. Luke looked away from the teenagers and saw him approaching. Clary was the next to see him, but she furrowed her brow, as if confused by his appearance. Well, who wouldn't have been confused? Magnus Bane wasn't only known for his magic. No, he was also known for his outlandish outfits and all the color that usually surrounded him. Of course no one could ever forget his sarcasm, either.

Now he was wearing black and the only makeup he wore was eyeliner that he hadn't even applied today. It would have taken too much of his energy to put on his makeup and do his hair, something he had never had to worry about before, but now he was walking toward them, feeling almost naked.

"You look surprised to see me," he said to them when he was close.

"We did wonder if you were coming." The boy was looking at his watch and Magnus scowled at his nerve. He was doing them a favor.

"I said I would come, so I came. I just needed time to prepare. This isn't some hat trick, Shadowhunter. This is going to take some serious magic." He looked at the werewolf, who seemed better than he had been when he had left him. "How's the arm?"

"Fine. Thank you," he replied. Magnus noticed that he had a weapon on his belt. Were the only fighters in this battle going to be people who were untrained or recently injured?

"That's your truck parked by the factory, isn't it? It's awfully butch for a bookseller," Magnus noted. Well, it was.

"Oh, I don't know. All that lugging around heavy book boxes, climbing stacks, hard-core alphabetizing..."

Magnus laughed, the first time in a while, and said "Can you unlock the truck for me? I mean, I could do it myself"—he wiggled his fingers in Luke's direction—"but that just seems rude." _And I need to preserve my energy._

"Sure."

They walked to the truck mostly in silence. Once they arrived, Luke unlocked it without a word and opened the door for Magnus.

"Chivalry isn't dead," Magnus noted, climbing into the cab. Luke just laughed and stepped back. He sat for a moment and looked around, studying each different aspect of the truck. He sighed deeply, realizing that his Plan A wouldn't be the option he'd be able to do. The truck wasn't a stick shift.

He hopped out of the truck and walked around it in a huff and tried to pull down the back. He scrunched up his nose in frustration as Luke walked over with the key and pulled it down. Magnus hoisted himself into the back of the truck and looked down at his hands as he knelt on the grooves. Disgusting. He didn't even want to know what his knees were going to look like.

He pushed aside a few tools and a long rope to clear out the center. He held out his right hand and snapped with his left, a can of black spray paint materializing in his open hand. As Magnus shook the can and removed the cap, Luke cleared his throat. Magnus looked over at him.

"And you thought unlocking it without asking would be rude?" He grinned. "Now you're just going to deface my property?"

Magnus smiled back dryly. "Trust me," he said. "What I'm about to do is the least I'm going to be doing to this poor truck today."

Luke shook his head and waved his hand, permitting Magnus to go back to his work.

"No more interruptions from the peanut gallery," Magnus said, zipping his lips with a motion.

He looked back down at the bed of the truck and pointed the spray paint at it, pressing his finger down and letting it fly onto the metal.

With careful precision and a little bit of magic, he was able to create a perfect circle to put his pentagram in. Once the pentagram itself was done, he added the additional flourishes that would aid him. As he did so, he chanted under his breath in Chthonian, vaguely wondering in the back of his mind if the werewolf had heard him speaking the language when he had been healing him. So few Shadowhunters actually knew anything about the language of the Warlocks and got uncomfortable when it was spoken in their midst, even when beneficial.

When he was through, he stood and admired his handiwork. He put the cap back on the can and snapped again, sending the half-empty can back to a shelf in someone's tool shed.

He rubbed his hands together to rid himself of the dirt and then wiped his pants off before trying to jump down. He stumbled slightly when he hit the ground and Luke caught him, making sure he was steady before letting him go.

"No offense, Lucian, but you're not exactly my type," he said with a smirk.

Again, Luke just laughed.

"If you could drive it around in a few circles, I'd appreciate it. I just want to make sure it isn't going to blow up," Magnus said, pointing his thumb back at the truck. "I'm going to go back over to the water and see what I can come up with."

"Thanks for giving me the easy job," Luke said, twirling his keys around his finger once before going back to the truck.

Magnus walked back toward the water, seeing Jace standing close to Clary, marking her. It looked more intimate than a Shadowhunter marking another should, but it made Magnus more at ease about Alexander, since Jace hadn't quite looked like that when he had been marking Alexander with the fearless rune before.

"'_And the Lord said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the Lord set a Mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him_,'" he said as Clary pulled her sleeve down. She turned, surprised to see him standing there. He smiled at the nervous step Jace took away from Clary.

"You can quote the Bible?"

"I was born in a deeply religious century, my boy," Magnus replied. "I always thought Cain's may have been the first recorded Mark. It certainly protected him."

"But he was hardly one of the angels," the redhead said. "Didn't he kill his brother?"

"Aren't we planning to kill our father?" said Jace, turning to look out into the water.

"That's different," said Clary.

At that moment, the truck pulled up only a few feet from them and Luke leaned out the window, gesturing to them with his hand.

"Okay. Here we go. Get in."

"Are we going to drive to the boat? I thought..."

"What boat?" Magnus laughed and got into the cab next to Luke. "You two, get into the back."

Once they were all situated in the truck, Luke seemed to have second thoughts about bringing Clary along. However, instead of doing the smart thing and simply leaving the girl on the shore, Luke told her she was going to be staying with Magnus in the truck and that he and Jace would go out to the ship.

Luke started the truck again and it lurched forward onto the water, the tires rolling just above the surface. As they drove, Magnus tried to concentrate on the spell it was going to take to tear down Valentine's wards on the ship. He heard talking from the back and tuned in briefly.

"Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-crawling powers; we get the Aquatruck," Clary said.

"If you don't like it, Nephilim, you're welcome to see if you can _walk_ on the water," Magnus said.

Several minutes later, as the light of the sun began to disappear entirely, they were drawing closer to the ship. It seemed to spring out of nowhere, but as they got closer, Magnus felt the pull of all the demons in the pit of his stomach.

"Stop here," said Magnus. The truck stopped on the water and idled there, swaying gently in the tide, and Magnus saw a swarm of bird-like demons heading their way. He couldn't focus on them, though, he needed to start stripping Valentine's protection from the ship. If he didn't start now, it would just take longer later.

He heard commotion in the back of the truck and he knew that Clary and Jace were probably fighting the hideous birds off, not realizing that they were going to be the least of their troubles. The truck rocked slightly with each lunge they took and Magnus prayed that neither of them would fall; he didn't have time to get them out of the water.

He ignored Luke, who seemed to be contemplating going out there through the back window (he'd never have fit) but he jumped when one of the winged-demons landed on the windshield, cracking it in a spiderweb pattern. He distantly heard Jace whining about his jacket. Luke was climbing out of the window now, causing the truck to tilt slightly sideways on the water. He ended up on the hood of the truck, slashing at one of the creatures with his _kindjal_. A moment later, the top of the cab was ripped off by the claws of one of them, ringing in Magnus's ears. His head pounded, but he kept up with his efforts, slightly doubled over.

"Magnus!" Clary cried. "Are you hurt?"

"No," he said, struggling to sit upright. He fell backwards against the seat and stared at the ship. "I'm just drained. The protection spells on the ship are strong. Stripping them, keeping them off, is—difficult." He was quiet for a moment as Clary looked off at the ship. "But if I don't do it, anyone who sets foot on that ship, other than Valentine, will die."

"Maybe you should come with us," Luke suggested.

"I can't work on the wards if I'm on the ship itself. I have to do it from here. That's the way it works. Besides, I'm no good in a fight." He grinned, but it was a painful smile. "My talents lie elsewhere."

"But what if we need—" Clary started to say something, but never had the chance to finish. One of the flying creatures had come when none of them had been looking out for it and taken Clary in it's talons. And then she was gone, heading back to the ship, dangling like a rag doll from the creatures claws.

Magnus, who was getting weaker by the moment, looked up as Jace and Luke watched from the hood as Clary got smaller and smaller. Jace dove into the water without hesitation. Then Luke turned back to him and held up his hand, asking his permission to follow, asking him if he was going to be okay. Magnus let his head fall forward in a weak nod. And then he was alone.

He was alone for a long time, watching the battle on the ship that looked like it was going to be a losing one. It was a while before another group of Shadowhunters arrived with real boats, and with a pang in his chest, Magnus saw Alexander making his way onto the ship. He wanted to scream out to him, tell him not to go, but he didn't have the energy. He'd just have to pray that Alexander didn't get himself into more than he could handle.

All Magnus could do was watch with a blank stare as the scene played before him on the ship. There weren't many Shadowhunters, but the ones who were there were probably being slaughtered. Magnus wondered how long they would last before Valentine was finished with the ritual and had control over all of hell.

He saw Alexander helping Isabelle, who appeared to be injured, up a ladder and over a rail on the ship. For a moment it looked like he was going to follow her as Jace prepared to fight a rather large demon that resembled a cross between an over-sized mosquito and an elephant, but then he turned back, like he had suddenly changed his mind and decided to try to be a hero.

Magnus lunged forward in the cab of the truck and shouted a weak "No!" but of course Alexander couldn't hear him.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The demon, which had previously been focused on Jace, changed its mind and headed for Alexander, whose sudden movement must have been the deciding factor. As Alexander picked up his weapon, the demon sped up and was on him in a moment, looking as though it was ready for its meal.

"No, no, no!" Magnus cried, wishing there was something he could do. But there was nothing he could do; he could only watch and hope that Jace saved the day. It was what Jace was there for.

But the demon didn't get to eat the boy and Jace didn't get to save him. Instead, Alexander stabbed the demon, which just pissed it off, and was flung in anger across the ship and over the side of the deck. Magnus watched as the water broke under Alexander's weight and had only seconds to make a decision. Would he have enough energy to save Alexander and get the truck back to shore? Would he have enough energy to heal the wounded people who would need him later? Would he be able to save Alexander without killing the both of them?

He could only hope.

Magnus stretched his hands out in front of him and focused on the spot where Alexander had disappeared into the water. He found him a moment later and could feel the weight of him straining on his arms. He tried to lift him out of the water but failed miserably and, when he realized he was too weak to get Alexander out of the water mentally, he began to pull him in frantically, praying that he would make it to the truck before it was too late.

He climbed out the top of the truck with a burst of adrenaline and continued to pull Alexander toward him, feeling the boy's life force draining with every second he remained in the water. Magnus, who had lately felt more connected to him, felt cold, but wondered if it was simply mental.

Alexander was closer to the truck now and Magnus could see his pale skin in the dark water, surrounded by his dark hair. He reached into the water and dragged him onto the hood of the truck, gasping when the cold water touched his skin. He carefully pulled Alexander toward the back of the truck, up over the severed top of the cab, and laid him in the bed of the truck. His arms burned from the effort, but he cradled Alexander against him.

He could feel the boy's weak pulse and began to chant, surrounding them in a water-like bubble. Magnus wasn't going to give up, no matter how weak he was. There was no point in helping the other Shadowhunters anymore. As far as Magnus Bane was concerned, they were a lost cause. Alexander Lightwood, however, had a pulse. A pulse Magnus could never let fade again.

--

When Alexander woke, Magnus was sitting next to him, staring at him. The boy coughed violently and shivered before trying to sit up. He blinked several times and then looked around him before spotting Magnus.

"What—What happened?" He asked, his teeth clanging together violently in the cold.

"You tried to drink the East River," Magnus said. Alexander seemed to notice that Magnus was wet as well. "I pulled you out," stated Magnus.

After staring at Magnus for a long Magnus, Alexander remembered what had happened before he left the boat.

"Isabelle! She was climbing down when I fell-"

"She's fine. She made it to a boat. I saw her," Magnus said. He reached out to touch Alexander's head. "You, on the other hand, might have a concussion."

Alexander shook his head, a visibly painful gesture, and pushed Magnus's hand away. "You're a warlock. Can't you, I don't know, _fly_ me back to the boat or something? And fix my concussion while you're at it?"

Magnus recoiled slightly and sat back against the side of the truck bed. He looked at Alexander, who seemed to realize how sharply he had said it. Neither of them said anything for several moments, just stared at each other in the darkness. There were sounds coming from the direction of the ship, but they ignored them.

--

"Sorry," Alec said. He knew it was rude, but he didn't understand why Magnus wouldn't just do this one simple thing for him. Didn't he understand that Alec had to get back to the ship? His family was there, fighting, and he was sitting here with Magnus, who was only concerned about a bump on his head. "I know you don't have to help us out—it's a favor—"

"Stop," Magnus said shortly. "I don't do you _favors_, Alec. I do things for you because—well, why do you think I do them?"

The way Magnus was looking at him made Alec look away. Lately he didn't know what it was, but he felt like there were no words to describe the way he had started to feel about the warlock. But whenever he tried to think about it, he couldn't actually come up with anything that summarized it properly. It was all too new and uncomfortable to him and he just couldn't verbalize it. Neither of them ever did.

And for now, Alec gave up trying and simply said "I need to get back to the ship."

Magnus replied, sounding as though he were too tired to fight anymore. "I would help you. But I can't. Stripping the protection wards off the ship was bad enough—it's a strong, strong enchantment, demon-based—but when you fell, I had to put a fast spell on the truck so it wouldn't sink when I lost consciousness. And I will lose consciousness, Alec. It's just a matter of time." He paused. "I didn't want you to drown," he said quietly, looking into Alec's eyes. "The enchantment should hold long enough for you to get the truck back to land."

"I—didn't realize," Alec said. He closely at Magnus for the first time since he had woken up. He looked truly exhausted in a way that Alec had never seen anyone else before, especially not Magnus. There were tired lines around his eyes, which wore no makeup other than eyeliner, and even that seemed to be smeared. His hair was strewn about his forehead and hung over his eyes in some places and it seemed like Magnus couldn't even muster up the energy to push the hair away.

Alec shifted his position so that he was on his knees and then shuffled closer to Magnus and adjusted himself to sit cross-legged in front of him. He held his hands out, slightly unsure, and looked up at Magnus, who was looking at his hands in confusion. Alec shifted again and their knees pressed together.

"Take my hands," Alec said. "And take my strength too. Whatever of it you can use to keep yourself going."

Magnus looked down at Alec's hands and then up at him with a tired sigh. "I thought you had to get back to the ship."

"I have to fight. But that's what you're doing, isn't it? You're part of the fight just as much as the Shadowhunters on the ship—and I know you can take some of my strength, I've heard of warlocks doing that—so I'm offering. Take it. It's yours."

Magnus looked at Alec for a moment and then took his hands. Alec was surprised to find that Magnus's hands were just as cold as his were, but then Magnus closed his eyes and seemed to focus. Alec closed his eyes, squeezed his hands slightly and Magnus squeezed back, followed by a warm tingling that went from Alec's fingers and up through his arms.

The cold he had felt a moment before was suddenly replaced with a warmth, but at the same time he was starting to feel tired and the throbbing in his head was becoming a dull ache that was second to everything else.

They were silent for a while, listening to nothing but the gentle sloshing of water against the side of the truck and feeling nothing other than the warm passage of energy from one to the other. When Magnus finally released his hands with a gentle squeeze, Alec started to feel dizzy.

He could feel the white light coming on again, as it had only twice since the first time, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter. The nausea and dizziness that came with the light combined with the throbbing that was coming back into his head made him feel as though he was going to fall over.

"Alexander?" Magnus said, taking one of his hands.

"I'm fine," Alec said. The light hadn't come yet, but Alec knew it would soon. "It's—it's the light again."

He tried to lay back on his own but found it hard to do so from his current position. With Magnus's help, he was able to lie back against the cold metal of the truck bed, feeling stray water drops soaking into his back, chilling him.

The light still hadn't overcome him and Alec started to wonder if the sickness was just his exhaustion combined with seasickness from being on the truck for so long. He felt Magnus starting to lay down next to him and was thankful for the warlock's warmth, since the metal was so cold against him. Magnus reached around him and took his hands again.

"Maybe I took too much," Magnus whispered, "I should give you some of your strength back."

"No," Alec said, "I'm fine. It's just the light." He shook one of Magnus's hands away, but kept holding the other.

The light had only come when he was with Magnus, though he never knew what brought it on. Now, he assumed, if it was going to come, it was probably because of the toll that the day's events were taking on his body.

They were silent as Alec waited for the bright light to come over him. When he realized that maybe it really might be something else, he slowly opened his eyes.

But when he did, he was shocked to find that he wasn't on the truck anymore. Instead, he was in a strange room. The ceiling was the first thing he saw, since he had been expecting to see the night sky, and when he looked to his right, there were walls of plain wood with small shelves covered with assorted jars instead of the side of the truck. He looked to his other side, where he could still feel Magnus, and saw that Magnus _was_ still there, but he was wearing an old cotton shirt instead of the jacket and button up he had been wearing several moments before and he looked _different_.

He tried to talk but found that he couldn't get the words to come out.

Alec sat up quickly, feeling the familiar pain in his head as he did so, and then looked straight ahead of him, willing the boat to come into view, but all he saw was a door to another room. The scene wasn't changing. Had Magnus done something?

"Alexander, what's wrong?" Magnus sounded different. The New York accent was gone from his voice and Alec felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face him and looked at his face. He was no longer laying next to him and his hair was longer and pulled back behind his head into a leather ponytail. He wore no makeup.

Alec tried to speak again, but the words didn't come.

He looked down at his hands, expecting to see the dried blood on his fingernails, but his hands looked normal. Except there was a different rune on the back of his hand, one that he didn't remember ever receiving, but it looked familiar.

His head was pounding. He reached up to touch the throbbing part of the back of his head and found that his hair was no longer wet nor the same length it had been. Trying to remember to breathe, Alec began to panic.

"What's going on?" He cried, trying to stand but finding that he couldn't get up. His own voice sounded different.

"Alexander, you're hurt. Calm down," Magnus said, sitting beside him on the bed and rubbing one of his arms. "Is it your head? I told you you hit it hard."

"I—I don't know where I am," he said, looking into the new Magnus's eyes in desperation. He looked taken aback.

"You're with me," Magnus said. "You're safe."

"What happened?" Alec asked.

"You fell, remember?" Magnus replied, looking at him with concern.

"I—I... But what about everyone else?"

Magnus was staring at him, confused, and then looked across the room, through the window and into the night.

"Magnus, what's wrong with me?" He asked, feeling a lump rising in his throat.

Sympathetically, Magnus reached out and touched Alec's face. Alec could feel the tender concern in his familiar hands, even if nothing else about what was happening was familiar. Needing the comfort, Alec leaned into the touch, wishing he knew what was wrong with him.

He looked at Magnus, who was leaning forward hesitantly. This time it was Alec who closed the distance between them, kissing Magnus for all he was worth. It felt the same as always.

When they pulled apart, Magnus looked surprised. Alec swallowed hard, wondering if Magnus hadn't been intending to kiss him. _Maybe he's still upset about earlier_, Alec thought.

Magnus took both of Alec's hands looked as though he was about to lean in and kiss him again when there was a loud sound, like an explosion of metal, from somewhere in the distance. With a flash of white, the room and the bed and the warmth faded away and Alec found himself on the boat again, overcome with the nausea and dizziness he had been feeling before. He wrenched himself away from Magnus and turned to the side of the truck, vomiting into the ocean.

He turned back to Magnus and stared at him for a moment. Magnus seemed torn between looking at Alec in concern and looking at what had made the explosion.

"Are you all right?" Magnus asked.

"I don't know what just happened," replied Alec.

There was another metallic sound, like a tin can being crushed, but magnified by several hundred decibels, and Alec turned to see the outline of the ship seeming to fold in on itself, ripping apart, twisting, and turning in the moonlight.


	9. Chapter 9

(AN: The chapter song is "Hallelujah" by Paramore. It's on YouTube if you want to find it. Again, I don't own the characters. This is the point in the story where everything starts to stray away from the parallels with the book. From here on out, the books are over. I'm pretending I never read the _City of Glass_ cookies.)

When You Say Forever, **Chapter 9**

It was two weeks before Magnus realized Alexander was avoiding him. For the first week after the battle, Magnus had understood Alexander's need to be at the Institute with his family. Magnus himself had spent a good amount of time there helping with injured Shadowhunters, but he had never felt welcome. When they paid him, Magnus had looked to Alexander, who had stood several feet behind his mother and stared at the floor.

The following week, Magnus had called him several times, texted him, and tried everything but smoke signals to get him to talk to him, but all of his attempts went without replies.

Magnus had backed off slightly and tried to give Alexander space during the following week, but he was finally fed up with it and called Alexander earlier on this day and to his surprise the boy had answered and agreed to meet with him.

He shifted nervously in his armchair and thought about what he was going to say when Alexander arrived. There was a horrible feeling in his stomach that Alexander was coming to tell him that he didn't want to see him anymore. He didn't know what had spawned this sudden change in him, but Alexander seemed so cautious of being near him.

Magnus knew that something had happened that night on the water, but he didn't know exactly what it had been. He was clueless. Alexander wouldn't talk to him about it, so he couldn't actually try to decipher which level of the spell they were trapped in. If it hadn't been about the spell, what could it have been? Nothing else could explain it.

There was a soft knocking at the door and Magnus sprang out of his chair and all but flew to answer it. When he was a few feet from the door, he slowed down and tried to put on a calm face. He took a deep breath and then pulled the door open.

Alexander stood there, looking the same as ever, but he was looking down at the ground instead of at Magnus. He looked like he was going to fall over at any moment from exhaust.

"Alexander? Are you all right?" Magnus asked, concerned.

--

Alec felt like his head was going to roll off of his shoulders at any moment. He was so tired, so drained, and it had taken most of his energy to get to Magnus's in the first place. Now he was standing there feeling as though he was going to fall asleep at any moment.

Instead of answering Magnus's question honestly, he nodded and walked inside with him. Almost as soon as he walked through the door, he felt as though he was more awake. He paused and looked up at Magnus, who kept walking.

He stood there by the door for a moment before Magnus noticed there were no footsteps behind him and turned.

"Is something wrong?"

As soon as he said the words, Alec felt the familiar dizzying pull in his stomach and the room began to fade. He had almost gotten used to the feeling at the Institute over the past few weeks, but it was so much stranger when it happened around Magnus, because it was so hard to come out of.

It had happened at the Institute when Isabelle had come into the room and told him that their father was going to be fine. Magnus had been in the other room. The feeling had come and he had closed his eyes, expecting the light again, but got nothing. When he opened his eyes, Isabelle didn't look like Isabelle anymore and the room was older. She had explained that Magnus thought it would be best if their father stayed out of the action for a few days but that he would be okay with rest.

The room had snapped back to its normal state when she giggled and told Alec that Magnus was waiting for him in a room down the hall. He didn't go.

It had happened on two other occasions, each time being broken by something that Alec couldn't explain. It was always random. It had been broken when Jace entered the room while he was talking to Isabelle and the other time was when the newly-appointed Inquisitor had interrupted a conversation between Alec and his father about the demons in the city.

But this was the first time it had happened around Magnus since that night on the truck... And the first time that Alec managed to keep his eyes open as it changed.

Magnus was the first part to change and Alec kept his eyes on him instead of watching the rest of the room. His hair seemed to grow at an alarming rate, losing the colors and fading to the dark, natural black, and then pulled back behind his head into a ponytail without aid. His yellow and hunter green fitted t-shirt faded to a dark gray and his makeup seemed to be absorbed into his skin and disappeared.

Alec looked down at himself, though his clothes changed very little. His shoes, standing on an entryway mat that hadn't been there a moment ago, suddenly appeared muddy and there was a small leaf stuck in one of the laces.

He looked back up at Magnus. He was no longer standing in the entryway to the living room, but was now in what Alec assumed was the house they had been in the last time it had happened.

Magnus took a few steps forward when Alec didn't reply, but Alec didn't move toward him or away from him.

"Alexander, what's wrong?"

Alec stood and stared as Magnus moved toward him. He was unsure of what he was supposed to do. He had come to see Magnus to talk about this, about everything that had been going on, but now that he was here, he didn't want to.

"Magnus?" He asked when he was closer.

Magnus raised his eyebrows in question.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said. "But I don't think I care right now."

Magnus looked like he was about to speak but Alec moved faster than Magnus's words and kissed him fiercely.

Alec had noticed a pattern in the last few times that he had been to Magnus's. They seemed to have this habit of kissing without actually being in any room of the place; it was always close to the door or against one of the walls. There had been few times when they had made it into the living room and they had only made it into the bedroom once, aside from the last time, when they had ended up in there without actually intending to.

Now, as they kissed, Alec realized he didn't know where the bedroom was in this new place. He had been there, he assumed, that night in the truck. He thought back to what he had seen through the door and realized that the bedroom must have been through the living room and to the left. Maybe.

Magnus pulled away from him and Alec reluctantly let the kiss break, but he kept a hold on Magnus.

"You're tired," Magnus noted.

"So are you," Alec replied, leaning forward and letting their foreheads touch. It was true, he was tired. But he could tell that Magnus was, as well.

"We could lie down," Magnus suggested, staring into Alec's eyes.

Alec nodded, wondering if he could actually just lie down with Magnus right now.

As Magnus walked a few steps ahead of him toward the bedroom, pulling his hand gently, Alec wondered why Magnus never said anything about the strange change of scenery. A part of him wanted to ask about it, but it was pushed into the back of his mind when they entered the familiar-yet-not room.

Magnus bent over and removed his boots and Alec realized he should do the same, since they were muddied and leaf-infested. When he thought about it, he thought that it would have been polite to remove them at the door, but he realized that Magnus probably didn't care.

He looked back at Magnus, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at Alec with unsure eyes. Alec approached the bed, but Magnus stopped him by grabbing his waist. Alec looked down at realized that he was wearing a weapons belt. He had one, of course, but he hardly ever wore it. Jace usually had enough weapons tucked into his pants for the both of them.

For a brief moment, Alec smiled at the irony of the thought that had just passed through his mind, and then he started to unbuckle the belt, which was what he was assuming Magnus wanted him to do.

"Wouldn't want to poke yourself now would you?" Magnus asked.

"Or you," he replied, placing the belt on side table next to the bed.

Alec had a strange feeling of deja vu as he crawled onto the bed, followed a moment later by Magnus. Each laid on his side, looking at the other closely.

"It's been some time since I last saw you," Magnus said, bringing his hand up and touching Alec's face.

"I've been--"

"I understand. The life of a Shadowhunter is rather trying," Magnus replied, scooting slightly closer.

Alec swallowed and touched Magnus's side, just above his waist.

He was processing his words in his mind, trying to figure out why Magnus sounded and looked so different. He was definitely the same Magnus, there was no doubt about it, but he was so different at the same time.

Alec wondered if this was what it was like to love someone. Of course he had never loved anyone before, so he couldn't be sure, but this had to be close. Here he was, unsure of where he actually was or what was going on, fading between here and where he was used to being, and he didn't care because he was still with Magnus.

That, and, well he still was a teenage boy... But here he was, lying in a bed, unchaperoned, with someone he usually didn't want to keep his hands off of in times like these. The fact that he could just lie there like that and be comfortable with it had to mean it was something else, didn't it?

"Magnus?"

"Mmm..." Magnus touched his hair gently.

"How would you describe being in love with someone?" Alec asked. His voice was barely a whisper, but he knew that Magnus understood his question.

Magnus was silent for several moments, simply looking at him the same way he had been before. Alec wondered if Magnus was going to tell him he didn't believe in love or had never been in love, which would have crushed the boy's soul right there, but Magnus got closer to him and rested their foreheads together on the pillow.

"I'm unsure of how I'd describe being in love with someone," he said, looking into Alec's eyes.

Alec felt his heart drop.

"I've only ever been in love with one person, and he most certainly wasn't any old 'someone,'" Magnus continued.

Dropped farther. Alec closed his eyes, regretting saying a word, and thought about excusing himself to the bathroom, if only to get away from him for a few minutes.

"I think I'd describe it as being a feeling of happiness and warmth that flows through you every time you see the person you love. Being in love with someone means that you'd be willing to do almost anything just to see him smile, even if it means your own sacrifice. It's being able to talk about anything at all, even when you don't know if you want to hear with he has to say," Magnus kissed his forehead. "Especially when you ask him about love and you think he's not talking about you."

Alec opened his eyes and stared at Magnus for a moment as his heart seemed to stop beating under his gaze.

"When you love someone," Magnus whispered, getting closer to Alec and all but whispering in his ear. "You realize that you've been waiting for him your entire life." He placed a soft kiss on the side of Alec's neck, making him shiver. "You realize that everything you've ever thought you may have felt about anyone else was nothing." Another kiss and Alec's stomach fluttered and he acknowledged with a gentle nod of his head that Magnus was right about that. Jace was nothing compared to how Alec's emotions were soaring at that moment.

"You realize that you feel empty when he isn't around," Magnus said, his hands slipping under Alec's sweater as he kissed him again.

"And when you love someone," Magnus said, running one of his hands up Alec's stomach to his chest and the other reached around him and followed the same trail up his back, resting just above and behind his heart. "When you _truly_ love someone," he whispered into Alec's ear now, "You can be trusted to hold his heart in your hands and never break it."

Alec's entire body shook with a shiver that followed Magnus's words from his ear all the way down to the tips of his toes.

Without a word, Alec gripped both of Magnus's arms and kissed him for all he was worth. He discovered that it was slightly strange to kiss when they were in that position, so he pushed Magnus backwards and crawled on top of him, straddling his waist. Magnus, who had his hands under Alec's sweater already, started to push it up over his head as they kissed. Alec raised his hands and, briefly breaking their kiss, pulled his sweater off by the sleeves and tossed it across the room. Alec leaned forward and claimed Magnus's mouth in another loving kiss.

"Let me sit up a bit," Magnus said a few moments later, breaking away from their kiss. He was breathless, something so rare for Magnus Bane, and his cheeks and lips were flushed. Alec, who was used to Magnus wearing makeup that hid his true skin, thought Magnus looked amazing without the glamourous shades and colors.

They adjusted and put pillows behind Magnus, who was now sitting up against the bedframe with Alec in his lap. Alec had to admit that it was more comfortable than having to be hunched over to kiss him. He also felt like it gave Magnus more freedom to move his head now that he wasn't being shoved into the mattress.

Alec kissed him again and started to unbutton Magnus's shirt. Why did he always have buttons? At least Alec wore sweaters that took seconds to remove.

Once he had gotten the buttons undone and was trying to push the shirt off Magnus's shoulders, he realized that the buttons on the wrists were still buttoned. He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and reached for Magnus's hands on his waist. Magnus pulled back with a smirk.

"Did you just growl?"

Alec glared at him and tried to get the buttons on the wrist undone, but Magnus just snapped his fingers and they were finished.

"You couldn't have done that a few minutes ago when I was practically ripping your shirt?"

Magnus shrugged and assisted Alec in tossing the shirt to the side.

Alec kissed Magnus's throat, finding a spot just below the collarbone that was particularly sensitive and making Magnus squirm for several moments.

Alec wasn't used to having longer hair and was surprised when he felt the leather band that held his hair back was untied, bringing the hair into his view. It was only shoulder length, but it was strange. His brief thoughts about his hair disappeared as Magnus began to run his fingers through it, down to his neck, and then back through his hair again.

He left the spot at his collarbone and looked at Magnus for a moment before deciding that he wanted to try something. Without a word, he kissed his way down Magnus's chest, taking pleasure in the way Magnus's breath hitched when he got to his naval.

There was no indentation there, no belly button, just smooth skin that stopped moving when Alec placed a kiss to it. Magnus had stopped breathing.

He put his hands on Magnus's sides and Magnus spread his legs slightly to let Alec sit there and kiss his stomach as the warlock continued to hold his breath. Alec touched his tongue to what he assumed would be the exact place his belly button would have been and Magnus lost his fight with himself.

"Alec!" He cried, gasping. Apparently it was a _very_ sensitive patch of skin.

Alec, who had closed his eyes for only a moment, looked up at Magnus to see that he was suddenly the Magnus Alec was used to. His hair, his makeup... Everything. And they were no longer in the rustic wooden bedroom, but the colorful bedroom with the canary comforter.

Alec stared for a moment, wondering what had triggered the change.

Alec reached up and touched his own hair, which was short again. Well, not short, but it's normal length.

He looked over to the dresser he had put the weapon belt on and saw nothing but Magnus's makeup jars and a single seraph blade.

Magnus's hand touched his face and turned him back to him. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Alec, deciding that this mind trick problem was becoming the biggest mood breaker _ever_, wondered if he should say anything about it to Magnus. Maybe he would know what was going on with him. He swallowed hard and moved back up to straddle Magnus's lap. Despite the fact that they were each wearing thick denim, it was an oddly comfortable seating arrangement.

"I don't know how to say this—"

"Alexander, it's okay, we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with," Magnus said, reaching up and cupping Alec's face in one of his hands.

The room faded again and this time, Alec watched Magnus's transformation from up close. He looked at the hand that was touching his face and Magnus's nails seemed to grow back into his hands and lose their perfectly manicured shape. He looked back at Magnus and watched the makeup fade into his skin as if someone was applying a thick layer of caramel foundation to him. He looked the same way he had a few moments ago with his flushed cheeks and full lips.

Whatever Alec had been ready to say left his mind as though someone had wiped it away with an eraser when Magnus kissed him again. Alec felt his other hand moving up his back, cupping the back of his neck and tilting his head slightly to the side as their mouths opened to each other.

Magnus gently nibbled at Alec's lower lip, causing the Shadowhunter to gasp slightly, and Alec placed his own hands in the center of Magnus's chest, his fingers splayed out over the skin he found there.

He could feel Magnus's heartbeat under his fingers and remembered what Magnus had said about holding the heart of the person you loved.

Alec broke the kiss and looked at his hands as they rose and fall with Magnus's breath.

"What is it?"

He looked up at Magnus and met his eyes. "You have a heartbeat."

Magnus's eyes opened slightly wider and he raised his eyebrows. "Did you think I was heartless?" He smiled.

"But you're... Well, you're..."

"Immortal."

"Yes."

"You knew that, Alexander, I don't see how it's a revelation," Magnus said, kissing him softly.

Alec, who had told himself a million times that Magnus was a warlock, a Downworlder, and that he would never be able to truly be with him because of it, had forgotten it all tonight in return for what he had been feeling since he arrived.

He suddenly felt the painful realization closing in on him and he balled his palms against Magnus, closing his eyes tightly.

"Alexander, what's wrong?" Magnus shifted slightly, sounding concerned.

"I'm in love with you," Alec breathed the words like they were a secret he shouldn't have been telling anyone.

He opened his eyes and looked at Magnus, who was looking back at him, confused.

"Don't you understand? I love you. I can't love you, I shouldn't, but I do, and it scares me to death," Alec said, getting up from the bed and walking across the room. He saw himself in the mirror and hardly recognized himself. His body was so much more toned than it normally was, like he fought more than he actually did.

He stared into the mirror and watched as Magnus got out of the bed behind him and walked over to him, concerned again.

"Alexander, you don't need to be afraid—"

"Why?" Alec asked, talking to Magnus's reflection. "I could be stripped of my Marks if anyone knew where I was." Alec closed his eyes tightly when he realized that that wasn't what he was afraid of. He wished he could use that as the cover excuse, but he knew Magnus was going to see through it.

"Alexander, no one can do anything to you that you don't let them do. No one knows about us except your sister and no one else needs to know." Magnus put a hand in the center of Alec's back, like he was touching his heart.

"What about when I get older?" Alec asked the mirror. "You're going to be seventeen for the rest of your life. You'll always look like this. You'll never be expected to do anything. I'm to carry on the worthy name of Lightwood and pass it on to generations of Shadowhunters."

Magnus looked at him in silence, like he had something to say but was afraid to say it.

"What is it?" Alec asked, turning around to face him.

"Alec—"

Alec fell forward into Magnus as the room began to change again. Magnus caught him in surprise and Alec looked up at him.

"You called me Alec," Alec said. He backed away quickly and stared at him. "You—The last time, when you—I... The room. It's because you called me Alec."

Magnus looked at Alec in confusion, unsure of what he was talking about.

"The room! It keeps changing back and forth. You don't see it? It.... Changes. It changes between your room and a little wooden room. It's like..." Alec was frustrated, trying to remember what the room looked like but drawing a blank. "You change, too. Your makeup goes away and—and your hair is longer."

Magnus swallowed but said nothing.

"Magnus, please tell me I'm not losing my mind," Alec pleaded, taking a step toward him and outstretching his hand.

--

Magnus had noticed the parallels between past and present but hadn't thought that Alexander was actually swtiching between the two _physically_. But that was the only way to explain it. He was being switched between the two and the spell was being broken each time something from the present was different from the past. Magnus had never called Alexander "Alec" but tonight he had done it twice.

"You're not losing your mind, Alec," Magnus said, careful to use the nickname so that Alexander wasn't warped back into the old cabin. He wished he could tell him everything, but he knew that if he did, the spell would basically be null and void. He had to remember everything on his own.

"I don't understand," Alexander replied as Magnus took his hand within his own.

"Alec, I love you, but I have no explanation for you. Just understand that everything will be clear in time."

Alexander looked down at their hands and Magnus looked at him.

"Are you all right?" Magnus questioned.

Alexander was silent for a long moment before he took a step forward and looked at Magnus with sad eyes.

"What will happen when I'm older?"

Magnus felt like an arrow had been shot through his heart with the question. What _would_ happen? Would Magnus be able to convince this Alexander that he should give up his marks, his life, his glory as a Shadowhunter and live his life as an immortal just so they could be together?

"Alec," Magnus said, touching their foreheads together and looking into the unsure eyes that were only centimeters from his own. "There are several options that could be looked out. I don't know how open you would be to any of them, but there are things that could be done."

Alexander's eyes seemed to light up with Magnus's words. Magnus was apprehensive about saying anything else on the subject, but he knew Alexander wouldn't let the subject rest.

"It all depends on how long you'd be willing to put up with me," Magnus said lightly with a kiss to Alexander's lips that was just as light.

"Forever."

Magnus felt blood rushing through him and could hear it flowing past his eardrums, his heartbeat drowning out every other sound. When he realized that the room was changing around him and turning into his bedroom in the old cabin, he understood what Alexander had been going through. He remembered this moment—he remembered it well—and looked at Alexander, who was looking at him in the same way he had each other time the room must have been changing.

"I can give you forever," Magnus said. "But it will not be simple."

"I don't care," Alexander replied.

Magnus touched Alexander's face. It had been so long since he had seen the Alexander he had fallen in love with so many years ago. It was a face that he never hoped to see again, but now that he was looking at Alexander, he realized that he wasn't in love with him anymore. He had fallen in love with Alec, who was slightly smaller and didn't look anywhere near as confident.

He leaned forward and kissed him once, just to feel it once more before he let him go.

"I love you," he whispered when they parted. "Alec, I do."

The room changed back and standing before him again wasn't the warrior he had fallen in love with, but Alec Lightwood, the slightly awkward and loyal Shadowhunter he was in love with. The one he'd be with forever.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **Still don't own it. Still have no affiliation with Cassandra Clare, etc. Please don't sue :)

**When You Say Forever**, Chapter 10

It was nearly three in the morning when Magnus heard a knocking at his door.

_I have a doorbell,_ he thought groggily as he climbed out of bed, slipping his feet into a pair of pink slippers as he did so. _I'm going to be angry, either way. Why not go all the way?_

He was preparing a speech for the person at the door as he slowly made his way down the hall. Part of him wondered why he was even answering the door. The other part of him reminded him that his High Warlock status had no specific hours of business.

After the rant he had set up in his mind, he was almost admittedly disappointed when he opened the door and Alec was standing on the other side.

But it wasn't an Alec that Magnus was used to seeing. Alec generally wore the same thing as a rule: Black sweater (no matter the weather), black pants, black shoes, black... everything. It was just how he worked. Magnus sometimes would consciously wonder if the boy owned more than one of the same outfit or if he just never changed.

Right now, however, Alec was standing before him, wearing a white t-shirt and what appeared to be plaid flannel pajama bottoms and... socks.

"Alec," Magnus said, stepping aside and letting him enter. He watched Alec sivering as he closed the door. "Is something wro—"

"Shut up," Alec said as Magnus turned to him.

Magnus froze and looked at Alec, who was now standing in better lighting. Magnus could see bags under Alec's eyes, dark circles that almost made it look as though the boy had been hit. He was trembling slightly and holding a piece of thick paper in his left hand. And he didn't look happy with Magnus. At _all_.

He had no idea what he could have done, so Magnus stood still, now completely awake, and tried to figure out what the problem could possibly be.

_Now would be a good time to kick in,_ he told his non-existent psychic powers. _A _really_ good time._

No such luck.

Alec turned away from him and walked toward Magnus's bedroom. He didn't turn back, didn't acknowledge Magnus at all, just walked quickly down the hall and out of sight. Magnus listened to the sock-clad feet on the hardwood and then heard his bedroom door open. It didn't close, so Magnus followed.

When he entered his room, he saw Alec standing in front of the bookcase, one of his pale fingers running along the spines, looking for a title.

Magnus, who was becoming more confused by the moment, stood in the doorway and watched. He tried to get a better look at the paper Alec was clutching, but from the angle he was holding it, Magnus could see nothing more than the fact that part of the bottom was singed away.

Alec's fingers stopped on the Gray Book and pulled it from the shelf less-than carefully, nearly dropping it in his haste. He opened it and practically tore through the fragile pages until he stopped on one and held the book up in front of himself, the cover facing Magnus.

Smart as he was, Magnus realized that the reflection of the page could be seen in his mirror.

_Memory_. Alec was looking at the rune for _remembrance._

Unfortunately, Magnus still couldn't see the paper in his hand. Though he was curious as to why his visitor was _looking_ at the rune rather than marking himself with it. Surely he knew it would be stronger if he did.

Alec slammed the book closed loudly and closed his eyes. The Gray Book, which was respected and treated with great care by Shadowhunters above all, fell from Alec's hands and hit the ground with a loud _thud_.

Still unsure of what he was supposed to do, Magnus carefully took a few steps forward, not speaking.

"Stop," Alec said, his tone cold.

Magnus stopped.

Alec opened his eyes and stared at Magnus.

"What did you do to me?"

Magnus stared back, unsure of what the boy meant.

"What. Did. You. Do. To. Me?"

"Alec, I don't know what—"

"Magnus, don't _lie_ to me," Alec pleaded. Magnus thought he saw a glimmer when Alec shifted in the lighting, like tears forming, but he didn't want to think he did.

"Alec, I—"

Alec took a few steps toward Magnus, clearly frustrated and on the last strings of energy he had in him, and gripped the paper in both his hands, staring down at it as he walked.

"Do you know what kind of records Shadowhunters keep of their own people?" Alec asked, standing only a few inches from Magnus.

"Good ones?" Magnus replied, shrugging in confusion.

"Perfect ones. Nothing is left out. _Nothing._"

Magnus stared at him, still not knowing what he was supposed to say, but thankful that Alec was completely unarmed. At least that he knew of.

"Do you know what I dreamt tonight, Magnus?" His voice was desperate. "Do you have _any idea_ why I haven't slept in nearly five days? Why I haven't been able to help _at all_ with the problems my family is facing?"

Magnus shook his head.

"I haven't slept because I keep having these _nightmares_. Nightmares about going into the woods somewhere, I don't know where, and being viciously attacked," Alec paused, trying to control the shaking that was overtaking his entire body, making his voice jump. "Attacked and then left there to die—nearly dead and bleeding. And I can _feel_ everything, Magnus, I can feel it all. I can feel the teeth digging into my shoulder, I can feel the venom running through my veins..." He broke off, choking on the thought. "I can feel the utter fear that I'm about to die, and the only thing I can think about is that I should have gone to you sooner. But _I don't know why._"

Magnus looked down at the floor. His vision blurred slightly and his slippers became nothing more than a pink cloud against the floor.

"And then I wake up, but I'm not actually awake... I'm laying in my bed staring at the ceiling, but I can't see anything because there's blood coming from my head and I can feel my hair sticking to my face. And when I reach up and touch my shoulder, I can actually feel the blood there, see it, smell it... I've gotten to the point where this nightmare is so vivid, I'd rather stay awake, keep myself awake, than go to sleep again. And it all revolves around you."

He still said nothing, just stared at the floor, looking at the distance between his feet and Alec's. He felt his heart breaking at the description of what Alexander had gone through, what Alec was now remembering going through, and had no words to express to Alec what he felt.

"I went to the library. I thought maybe I could find one of Hodge's old potions, maybe find something that would help me stop dreaming. I know Jace used to have nightmares about Valentine's staged death, and I knew they gave him something... But when I got to the library, I was sidetracked because something pulled me to the old records," Alec paused and looked down at the paper again and Magnus realized exactly what it had to be. "And it was like magnetism. Without knowing what I was doing, I opened one of the books from the early 1900s and started turning through the pages."

Magnus swallowed hard, wondering what Alec had convinced himself Magnus had done to him. Surely he was thinking along the lines of a love potion or a spell...

"And I found this," Alec said, holding the paper up to Magnus for a moment before turning it back around and reading from it. "'Alexander Fairchild perished on the eve of September 13 after being attacked by what was suspected to be the Greater Demon, *Asmodeus. He was found just outside of the city limits in Downworlder territory by Mitchem Wayland and transported back to the Institute. A warlock was summoned to attempt resuscitation of Fairchild in lieu of the Silent Brothers, but the warlock was unable to save him." Alec stared at the page and then looked up at Magnus. "Under a recorded obituary, they put the death certificate of the Shadowhunter. It's always signed by the person who declared that he had died."

Alec thrusted the paper at Magnus, but he didn't need to look at it to know that his own shaky signature was on the bottom of the paper, smeared and splotched with tears he hadn't had the energy to get rid of before giving the Shadowhunters what they needed. He had simply used a glamour to hide the fact that tears were falling. Of course that glamour would have worn off over the last century.

Magnus took the paper and looked down at it. It looked almost foreign to him now, though his signature was still the same flourish. He remembered signing it and insisting he had to leave but having to stay longer so he could be questioned about what he had done to try to save Alexander.

He didn't look up at Alec, he just kept rereading the words on the paper that Alec had just narrated to him.

"You don't love me," Alec said, his voice noticeably pained.

Magnus's head snapped up and he stared at Alec in shock. That was the _last_ thing Magnus had expected to hear pass the boy's lips.

"Don't look at me like that! I... These visions. These nightmares. You—You were in love with Alexander Fairchild. That's why you called me by my full name," Alec choked on his own words. "When I kept having those visions, I was in a cabin or something. I could see woods out the window." He was staring into Magnus's eyes without blinking away the tears that had formed. Magnus wanted to wipe them away. "Do I look like him? Is that why you chose me? Because you were in love with a Shadowhunter a hundred fucking years ago and now I come along and remind you of him?"

Magnus had never heard Alec swear. Alexander, yes, but not Alec. And they were so clearly two different people.

Magnus shook his head in defense but couldn't say what he wanted to. He'd break the spell and he didn't know what the consequences would be. Maybe Alec would evaporate into thin air and all Magnus's memories of him would be erased... He didn't want to find out.

"Just tell me why I saw those things. Was it because you were—You were thinking about him when you were with me? Was that what did it? Or were you projecting your own thoughts onto me so I'd see it all?"

Alec was so close--_so close_--to realizing what was going on.

Magnus wanted to try something, just a single word to see if it would trigger a response.

"Memories," he whispered into the space between them.

"Memor—" Alec stopped and stared blankly forward, seeming to have lost his train of thought entirely.

Magnus felt the need to close the space between them and take Alec in his arms, just in case he was about to disappear forever, but he stayed in place and watched the wheels turning behind Alec's blue eyes.

Alec focused his eyes on Magnus from the blank stare and looked at him as though he were seeing him for the first time.

"I'm—No. How—No. I'm not—It's not possible."

Magnus could almost see his train of thought as his mind processed it.

"Magnus, I can't be—" He stopped, perhaps seeing the glimmer of hope that Magnus was sure flashed before his eyes. "How?"

_Just say it, Alec,_ Magnus thought desperately. He couldn't confirm or deny anything until Alec said it out loud.

"Magnus, answer me!" Alec said, taking two steps closer until they were so close that Magnus could have kissed him. But he just looked at him. Could he tell him he couldn't answer? Would that be cheating?"

He looked into Alec's eyes with a pleading desperation. Alec looked down at the floor, his hair falling in front of his eyes, and then looked back up at Magnus and shook the hair away, meeting his eyes with confusion.

"I can't be Alexander Fairchild," Alec said. "I'm Alec Lightwood. I—I can't have been him. These can't be my own memories."

Magnus released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and he threw his arms around Alec, pulling him so close that he thought maybe the boy would sink into his own skin.

"Magnus, wha--"

The warlock kissed him hard, pushing away his question and confusion, if only for a moment.

Magnus pulled away and touched his forehead to Alec's, looking into his eyes and sending up a silent prayer to the Angels he probably shouldn't have been praying to in the first place.

"I thought you'd never remember, Alec, I thought—" Magnus stopped, realizing that he'd ramble on forever if he didn't at that moment. _I thought I was going to lose you again, that you'd never remember, that you'd choose Jace, that you'd want nothing to do with me..._

For the umpteenth time that night, Alec just looked at him.

"You mean I...? But that's not possible," he said in a small voice. "I can't just... come back."

Magnus nodded, making Alec nod as well, before pulling back and walking over to the bed. He gently pushed Alec to sit on the edge and summoned over his vanity bench for himself. He sat down in front of Alec but wondered if he could tell him everything, even the things he hadn't remembered yet. Could he tell Alec _why_ Alexander had been going to him the night he died?

_I'd hint subtly,_ Magnus thought, looking up at Alec, _But subtle doesn't really work with you, does it?_

"We met when you were fifteen," Magnus said. "I wasn't quite the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and I was new to the United States... I lived in a small cabin outside the city. You and your sister, Irena, came to me when the Silent Brothers were unavailable. After a while, you began sneaking back to see me, almost like you did after the party the night I met _you_."

Alec blinked.

Magnus took Alec's hands in his own and tried to come up with the best plan of action for the continuance of his story.

"You used to complain about my proximity to the city. You wished I lived within the limits so that you wouldn't have to fight your way through to see me—"

"But it wasn't _me_," Alec said, his eyes wide. "I've never so much as killed a demon. How could I have done that in the past?"

Magnus looked down.

"You were always confident and nearly arrogant. In a way, you were kind of like Jace. The night you died, I had the choice of 'editing,' so to speak, aspects of you."

"Of Alexander," Alec corrected.

"Of Alexander. I had loved yo—him. I loved him and felt more than guilty for his death. It was _my fault._ He had rarely been injured, he was a warrior, of course, and had no fear. I was always worried about him, always afraid I'd never see him again after he left..." Magnus paused, looking into Alec's eyes to see if he understood. "When he was attacked, his sister came to me and I was taken back to the Institute to heal yo—him."

"Then why did he—Alexander—die?" Alec said, his hands trembling in Magnus's.

"I realized I couldn't save him. So I made the decision to project his personality, his appearance, _him_ into a time when I could meet him again. I moved into the city a few months later, thinking that it would probably be fifteen years before I met _you_. I thought that—That if I was in the city, I'd be more accessible to the Shadowhunters and I would be more likely to come in contact with you."

"And it's been—"

"A hundred years," Magnus said, looking into Alec's eyes.

"But—Why? Why was _Alexander_ going to you?"

_To tell the truth or not to tell the truth: That is the question._

Magnus sighed deeply looked down at their hands.

"_*Vita infinita_," he said.

He could feel the change in Alec's pulse, its quickened pace, and looked up at him.

"He was coming to me beca—"

"That's _illegal_!" Alec whispered, as though they were talking about something vulgar. "You could have been _killed_ if anyone found out that you had used that spell—"

"And I was willing to take that chance," Magnus replied, staring into Alec's eyes and willing him to see that it was a choice he had made as well. It wasn't just Magnus... It was both of them.

"How could he do that? Just leave his family?"

Magnus sighed again. "We had come up with a plan to stage his death, much like his _actual_ death. He would be injured, I would go to help, say there was no hope, and sign that he had died from the attack. Then we would have taken his body—"

"We?"

"He wasn't going to do it unless his sister gave him her blessing. It's why he was coming that night: He had finally gotten her blessing."

"How could someone agree to that? The Accords strictly state—"

"Alec, the Accords weren't even a thought at this time. It was strictly an unseen war between the Downworlders and the Clave. The difference was that some of us worked for both sides, myself included."

Alec stared.

"It wasn't well received when the spell was used, and sometimes Shadowhunters _did_ kill those who had used it or whom it had been put on, but it wasn't a strict _penalty_ like it is today."

Magnus, at this point, was happy that Alec hadn't evaporated into the air or turned into a pile of ash. This meant that the spell was complete and that this was the point they had to move forward from.

"Do you—Do you expect me to do that?" Alec asked, looking pale.

Magnus hadn't exactly been expecting the question, but he immediately knew he was walking a double-edged sword. He decided to go with the safer answer rather than the one he wanted to give.

"Only if you want to, Alec. I can't force you to do anything," he said, looking down at their clasped hands. He could feel Alec's becoming slightly clammy, like he was nervous.

"What if--" Alec broke off, seeming to change his mind.

"What is it?"

"What about _*Novus Letalis_?" Alec asked. As soon as the words left his mouth, he seemed surprised that he had said them.

Magnus felt a chill run down his spine at the very thought of the spell and let go of Alec's hands.

He wondered if this is how Alexander had felt when he had asked him to give up his mortality for a forever with Magnus. But Alec was asking Magnus to give up his _im_mortality for mere _years_ with him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"No, Alec, it's fine. I'm just... It's not something you hear everyday," Magnus said, not looking at Alec.

"I don't think anything I've heard tonight is something you hear everyday."

Magnus took a breath and started to explain what was going through his head. This, of course, was assuming he could grasp at it as it flew by.

"_Vita infinita_ has the purpose of stopping the aging of a human or mortal Downworlder. Warlocks generally stop their aging when their human bodies and demon powers are fully developed." Alec nodded in understanding. "The spell can only be used on a willing person, it _cannot_ be forced, but it generally holds a negative connotation, all the same." Alec nodded again. Clearly, he had heard all of this before. "It's not a painful spell, other than the fact that it severely weakens the caster for a period of time, during which the energy is transferred, in a way, to the other person, to ensure that their body can handle the transformation."

Magnus paused and stood, starting to pace.

"It grants an ageless life, but the person can still _die_ in some circumstances. I could die, I'm just not going to die of the common cold or any other mortal diseases. It would take a lot to kill me." He turned to Alec, who was looking at him from the bed and appearing to be concerned with the thought of Magnus dying.

"_Novus letalis_ is very different. Generally it is only used by warlocks _on_ warlocks. Most specifically, it is used on oneself once one decides that he or she no longer wants to go on in this life. It is rare, but it does happen." He paused. "It is excruciatingly painful and some don't even survive the casting of the spell. It's a matter of determination, but usually by the time of the casting of the spell, one has lost most of the will to live. Even those who _want_ to continue living simply _can't_ because of the drain of the spell." He looked away from Alec and to himself in the mirror, meeting his own eyes. "There have only been three instances of a warlock surviving, and each died within five years of the completion of the cycle."

"But you're strong," Alec said, standing and walking over to him. Magnus didn't break the eye contact he was holding with himself until Alec was standing within reach.

"I've been weakening since you started to remember things," he admitted. "Ever since the first flash, with the white light some weeks ago, I've been losing my strength because it's going into you, making you remember. Even when you weren't around me, I knew you were going through things because I would feel sick."

"But now that I know everything—"

"It will take time for me to build my strength again," Magnus said. "I have to open a portal for your family to get to Idris. That will take a lot of energy that I don't have right now."

"We have time," Alec said. "You could do it. I know you could."

"Are you only saying this because you fear that _you_ wouldn't make it through the cycle of _Vita Infinita?_" Magnus asked. "Are you afraid that something will go wrong? Because there is time for that, as well. There is time for me to gain my strength, for you to go to Idris a final time, to say goodbye to your family—"

Alec looked down at the ground. "I can't."

"If you thought about it, Alec, you would see that it's the best option here," Magnus said, putting one hand on Alec's shoulder and the other on his waist. "We'd have all the time in the world to get everything else right."

Alec muttered something under his breath.

"Hmm?" Magnus said, leaning closer to hear him.

"I can't leave Jace," Alec replied.

Magnus took a step back, releasing Alec.

"It's not that I have any feelings for him, not anymore, but I couldn't do something like that to him. He's losing everything, Magnus. _Everything_. I can't add to that. There's so much going on right now with him—"

"So get his blessing. Alexander got his sister's blessing. You can get your _brother's_," Magnus replied. "He'll understand. It may take some time, but we have that, Alec, we do. We have the time. As long as you don't go off and do anything stupid in Idris, we'll have the time to get everything we could possibly need."

Alec looked down.

"I need to think about this," Alec said, staring down at his feet.

"I know."

"Will _you_ think about it?" Alec asked, looking up at him.

Magnus took a breath. "I will."

Alec sat back down on the edge of the bed. Magnus followed a moment later and put an arm around Alec's waist.

"It's nearly five," Magnus noted.

"I should go back to the Institute."

Neither of them moved.

"You could stay," Magnus said.

"I shouldn't."

They remained seated on the bed for another moment before Alec seemed to have a change of heart and began to scoot back into the center of the bed.

"I guess I could. They won't be looking for me..."

Magnus followed Alec and pulled him into his arms. As Alec fell asleep, Magnus wondered what he had agreed to moments before. But for now he just wanted to have what he was holding so close to his heart: Alec. _His_ Alec.

All that was standing in the way was Jace.

Again.

---

*Asmodeus was chosen because in the Book of Tobit, he kills a woman's husbands (seven of them) on the wedding night to ensure that the marriage isn't consummated. I thought that since Alexander was on the way to consummate their relationship in a different way, this was fitting.

*_Vita infinita_: "endless life," via my friend the Latin-speaker.

*_Novus letalis_: "New mortality" via a different Latin-speaking friend.


	11. Chapter 11

**(A/N:** Still down own it... Just playing with the characters for my own amusement. Only one more part after this one... Yay! Also, there's a note at the end in reference to someone's review from the last part. :-P Enjoy.)

**When You Say Forever, **11

It had been two weeks since Alec had remembered. They had talked very little and the Shadowhunters were to return to Idris the following day. Though he was nervous about not having Alec within range at all times, he didn't have much of a choice.

He was sitting in the living room looking over an old text on _Vita infinita_, just in case. It was shortly after dusk when he tucked the old pages back into their book, since they had fallen out due to their age, and walked back toward his bedroom to put the book away.

That was where he was when he heard the door unlocking, making his ears perk up at the faint sound. Yes, Alec had a key, but it was rare that he used it. And even rarer that he showed up without giving Magnus _some_ notice to pull himself together. It was only when the Shadowhunter was _extremely upset_ that he arrived without call.

Magnus looked at himself in the mirror, expecting to get advice from himself, but his reflection shrugged back at him and looked in the direction of the door, wear he could hear the sound of the main door closing and locking.

Magnus took a few steps toward his open bedroom door and paused.

"Magnus?" He heard Alec call. He didn't sound angry, so Magnus stepped out into the hall.

"I'm here," Magnus replied. He looked down the hallway and saw Alec jump at the end, startled by his voice.

"There's something wrong with me," Alec said, walking toward him. "There's something _very_ wrong with me. And I don't know what to do..."

---

Alec walked toward Magnus, holding the sleeves of his sweater around balled fists. His skin felt like it was on fire and he was digging his nails into his palms trying to distract himself from the pain.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, if I knew, I would tell you..." Alec said, stopping a foot or so from Magnus. "I don't know how to explain it."

"So start at the beginning. Are you feeling ill? Is it something to do with the memories? Are you seeing the light again?"

Magnus reached out and put a hand on Alec's shoulder and tried to lead him into the bedroom. Alec hissed in pain as the fabric of his sweater rubbed his skin and leapt backwards. Magnus pulled his hand away as though he'd been burned.

"Alec, you're burning up," Magnus said. "Come in here, lay down."

Alec walked into the room slowly and wondered how he had gotten all the way there from the Institute with such pain in his legs.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and Magnus pulled up the vanity bench and sat down in front of him, a position they had been in so many times before.

Magnus reached up and touched Alec's forehead but frowned. "Your face doesn't feel warm."

Alec closed his eyes and shook his head. He was afraid to tell Magnus exactly what was wrong... He knew what his assumption would be. He would blame Jace.

"Alec, maybe you should take your sweater--"

He shook his head more fiercely.

"Tell me what happened. Something must've happened," Magnus said.

"We went out this afternoon... Down to some sewer where someone complained about a demonic presence," Alec said, thinking back. "I got scratched by the demon Jace was fighting."

"Do you think it's the poison?"

He shook his head. "We went back to the Institute and—And Jace Marked me. I don't know if he drew it wrong because he had hurt his hand, but he drew a healing rune and..." Alec took a deep breath and pulled up one of his sleeves, wincing as the cotton scratched his skin like wires.

He looked down at his own arm, where the runes that were inked into his skin were nothing more than large boils and blisters shaped like his Marks.

Magnus reached out and held his hand just above one of them and Alec willed him not to touch it.

"They're hot," Magnus said, confused. "I can feel the heat coming off of them."

"All of them are like that. Every last one," Alec said, wincing and pulling his sleeve back down.

"Do you mind if I help you take your sweater off? I'd like to see what he did," Magnus said, looking as though he felt sick.

Alec felt vain; he didn't want Magnus to see his body like that. But he nodded anyway and after several moments of agonizing pain, the sweater was finally gone.

Magnus stood before him staring at him with a look on his face that was a mixture of pity, pain, confusion, and disgust.

"What did he _do_?" Magnus asked. "I've never seen this before."

"I-I didn't tell anyone at the Institute. After he Marked me, Jace did the same to himself and then went to shower. I just changed my shirt. It felt strange for a while and then... This," Alec said, gesturing toward his chest, where the runes were red-hot on his skin.

"Where did he Mark you?" Magnus asked, climbing onto the bed and kneeling behind Alec.

"Just below my shoulder... There was a scra--"

"I see it."

---

Magnus traced his fingers over the Mark in the air and could feel the heat coming off of it, like Alec's skin had been freshly branded. It looked like a normal healing rune. How could it possibly have resulted in all of this?

He looked at the rest of Alec's back and felt sick. The marks reminded him of what happened when a Mundane was—Oh.

"Were you Marked before you went to the sewers?"

"No, just after."

"When was the last time you were Marked?"

"I-I don't know. We haven't done much in the last few weeks. Probably a week or two ago. It's been quiet," Alec replied.

If it had been that long, it had probably been before Alec's memories returned. But that still didn't make sense...

"But it didn't hurt immediately! It was like a gradual thing. It always burns when the Mark is first applied, but--"

"I have an idea of what may be wrong," Magnus said. He hoped that _he_ was the one who was wrong.

Alec turned his head and looked at Magnus from the corner of his eye.

Magnus willed his hands to be cool and gently touched Alec's back without a word. Alec hissed through his teeth and turned his head away, closing his eyes tightly. He was tense for a moment and then seemed to relax under Magnus's attempt to cool the burns.

"When a mundane is Marked, they get burns like this... It eventually scars over, but in the beginning, it looks like blistered, hot flesh," Magnus said carefully. "It's extremely painful and more oft than not drives them completely insane. They rip out their own hair, kill anything in reach..." Magnus paused and ran a hand down Alec's spine.

"Do you remember—Do you remember the night you remembered Alexander?"

Alec nodded.

"I told you that warlocks stop aging at the point when their body is fully developed. This usually happens between seventeen and twenty-five."

Alec nodded again.

"When—When I..." He took a deep breath. Even though he hoped he was wrong, he still could be right. And if he was right, he had taken away Alec's free will without trying. And Alec may not appreciate that. "When I sent everything about Alexander into time, I may have—I may have inadvertentlymadeyouimmortal."

Alec froze in Magnus's hands and Magnus tried to prepare himself for whatever Alec was going to say. Instead, the boy did nothing other than stand abruptly and stare at him, wincing as his hands touched his sides, making the blistering Marks rub each other.

After a long moment of staring at Magnus, Alec let it out.

"You _what?!_ I thought you said it had to be _consensual!_ I didn't _ask_ for that! I don't even know if I'd want it! So... So you're telling me that I'm a _Forsaken?_ I'm turning into a--"

"No!" Magnus said, quickly hopping down from the bed and standing in front of Alec. "No, you're not turning into one! Your body still has Angel blood, which is why you aren't losing your mind. I think—I think you might be, um..."

"Might be what? I might be about to spontaneously combust? I might be about to strangle you? Because I think I'm about to do the latter if you don't start explaining."

Magnus took a step backwards and his knees hit the edge of the bed. "I think your body is just rejecting the Marks now. You can't be Marked if your body isn't aging. I think you stopped aging the night you remembered Alexander, meaning that my spell had run its course. And since you hadn't been marked since then, it makes sense that--"

"But _how_? How is this happening? Doesn't there have to be—I don't know! Doesn't there have to be some kind of hocus pocus and fairy dust for something like that?" Alec was grasping desperately for anything, and Magnus could tell.

"The spell I had to perform to get you to this point was already so complicated... I remember it. Even if I just thought 'If only I had done _Vita Infinita_ sooner' it may have triggered it," Magnus felt his heart break in two just at the thought that he had taken away Alec's right to choose what he wanted to do with his life. For all he knew, maybe Alec would have been straight, brave, and a catch for all the girls if Magnus hadn't gotten in the way so long ago.

"Can you reverse it?" Alec asked, seeming to have calmed down slightly.

"I told you, very few people--"

"Survive. Right." Alec looked down at the floor and then back at Magnus. "What do I do?"

Magnus took a few steps forward and touched his hands to the marks on Alec's chest, trying to sooth him. In response, Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath, seeming to get away from the burning for just a moment.

"You can't go to Idris," Magnus said, running a cool finger over the scroll on Alec's shoulder. "They can smell magic like this from a mile away."

"And what should I _do_ about that, Magnus? I can't exactly tell my parents I can't go because a warlock put a spell on me a century ago!"

"I'll call," Magnus said, stepping away. "I'll call your parents and tell them that the scratch you got today was more severe than you thought--"

"Jace and Isabelle were there. They know it wasn't bad."

"Then I'll call _them_ and tell them to go along with it."

"Isabelle won't go away to Idris if she just thinks I'm here shacking up with you," Alec said, shaking his head. He seemed to realize his choice of wording and tilted his head to the side.

Magnus was growing visibly frustrated. "Then I'll explain what's going on--"

"No!" Alec snapped. He seemed to realize the harshness of his tone and recanted. "I mean... I'll tell them. But... I'd rather they were here."

"So I'll call them and tell them to get their butts over here."

"You can do that."

Magnus whipped his cell phone out of his pocket and walked out of the room as he dialed Isabelle's number, closing the door behind him. Alec was thankful that he was gone... He needed time to himself to process the new information about the direction his life was taking him.

---

When the doorbell rang nearly half an hour later, Magnus was standing behind it impatiently, ready to open it.

"What's wrong with Alec?" Isabelle asked, rushing in past him, almost stepping on his slipper-clad feet in her spiky heels.

"He's got a... skin condition," Magnus said, closing the door once Jace had past him. "He just needs to talk to you. He's not going to be able to go with you to Idris tomorrow, but needs you to back him up when he tells your parents--"

"But there are _doctors_ in Idris! They could heal him better than you can!" Isabelle said, rushing into the living room as though she expected to find Alec there.

"Not this time," Magnus said. "This isn't something that's going to go away--"

"What did you do?" Isabelle asked, rushing in on him like a bird of prey. She lowered her voice, "Did you give him some kind of magical STD?"

Magnus rolled his eyes. "No. Not," he said, "That it would be any of your business if I did."

"Where is he?" Jace asked, looking down the hall.

"My room," Magnus said, smirking at Isabelle's glower.

Isabelle walked off in a huff, pulling Jace by the elbow. Magnus followed, wondering why Isabelle suddenly hated him... She used to like him, didn't she?

Then he realized that perhaps getting a phone call saying that there was something wrong with her brother and she needed to get to him _right now_ may have made her think that he was some kind of problem. Hm.

When they opened the door, Isabelle cried out upon seeing her shirtless brother sitting on the bed.

"Your _skin!_" She cried and immediately turned on Magnus. "What did you _do_?"

"_I_ didn't do anything," Magnus said, crossing his arms. Even Alec hadn't blamed him so quickly.

"Magnus," Alec's voice sounded shaky. "Could you—Could you leave us alone for a little while?"

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, receiving a death glare from Isabelle.

"I'm sure," Alec replied with a weak smile. Magnus tried to return a smile, but suddenly felt nervous. How on earth was Alec going to explain it to them without sounding absolutely crazy?

He took a few steps back and closed the door.

---

Jace's face never changed as Alec told the story. He still felt like he was telling a story rather than talking about himself. Isabelle, on the other hand, turned several colors, hissed, and nearly cried on several occasions. When he was done, Alec sat quietly and looked between the both of them. Isabelle was sitting on the vanity bench and Jace was standing a few feet from her in the corner.

"I'll _kill_ him," Isabelle said, standing quickly. "Do you _know_ how many laws he broke? ...Are there any he _hasn't_--"

"Isabelle, he hasn't broken a single law," Jace said, speaking up for the first time. "Everything that's happened happened almost eighty years before the Accords were even a thought. Unless you plan to build a defense to the Clave based on Magnus having a gay relationship with your brother, you've got nothing."

Alec swallowed hard and watched Isabelle sink back down onto the bench.

"We don't know that he's telling the truth. He should be brought before the Clave—"

"The spell can't be performed unless the person is willing, Isabelle. He couldn't have done it on me at any point," Alec said, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands.

"And there's no way to reverse this?" Isabelle said.

"Not without risking Alec's life. Weren't you listening?" Jace said, taking a few steps toward them. "I think what we need to do is come up with a good reason why Alec can't go to Idris and then we'll worry about it when we come back."

"How can you be so casual about this?" Isabelle snapped, standing again. "How can you just act like this isn't Alec's _life_ that Magnus is ruining--"

"Alec has time to think about whether or not this is ruining his life," Jace said. "Don't try to make the decision for him."

Both Alec and Isabelle stared at him.

"You mean you're just okay with this? La dee da, have a nice _eternity_ with the Downworlder?"

Jace shrugged. "It doesn't seem like it'd be so bad."

"You _bastard_. You are such an arrogant little--"

There was a knock at the door and all of them looked at it as Magnus poked his spiky-haired head in.

"It was getting a little loud... I thought I should just check in," Magnus said, looking only at Alec.

"We're fine, Magnus. Um, you can come in, I guess," Alec replied. He was ignoring his sister's petrifying glares toward the warlock and patted the space next to him on the bed.

Once Magnus was seated, he looked at Jace and Isabelle. Isabelle met his eyes with an icy stare and Jace looked almost bored of the situation.

Alec cleared his throat, "So, um, I guess we need to figure out what we're going to tell mom and dad."

"You could tell them the truth," Isabelle said. "They deserve to know that their only son has chosen to become a Downworlder."

"I didn't--"

"That's unfair, Isabelle," Jace said. Everyone looked at him, again.

"He did, didn't he? He just doesn't know he did it, since Magnus said he did it before. _Alexander_ was going to give up his family, whose to say that Alec wouldn't have done the same?"

Alec looked down at the burning hands in his lap. He had been wringing them together the entire time he had explained everything to Jace and Isabelle... Now the blistering Marks were broken and some were bleeding. They still burned. As he stared, Magnus put his hand over them and he immediately felt the soothing coolness of the touch.

"Isabelle, there will be time to talk about all of this once you return from Idris. Perhaps you'll have a better grasp on the situation when you get back--" She snarled. "And maybe not. But in the meantime, we all need to come up with something to tell your parents."

"Why don't we just stage his death?" Jace said from across the room.

"_What_?"

"Not tonight, obviously, but when we get back. We'll all go out somewhere and we can come up with a substitute for Alec's body and stage his death. That way your parents never need to know about this. For tomorrow, we can just tell them that he's sick from a demon poisoning today... And Magnus doesn't think he can travel to Idris."

"It's just a portal, Jace, it's not like he's hopping a plane--"

"But there are cases where people can't travel by portal because of weaknesses, aren't there Magnus?"

Magnus nodded.

"So we'll go back and tell your parents that Alec is sick. They'll call Magnus and he'll come up with a suitable problem," Jace was walking toward the door. "Are we done here?"

Alec stared at Jace. He was taking this too cooly.

Isabelle stood and followed Jace out the door, leaving Alec and Magnus. Alec jumped up and followed them. And Magnus followed Alec.

"Jace," he called softly into the hallway.

Jace turned, his face set hard. He raised his eyebrows.

"Can I talk to you?"

Jace rolled his eyes and walked back toward the bedroom. Magnus stood just outside the door and then pulled it closed behind Jace and Alec, leaving them alone.

"Why don't you have anything to say about this?" Alec asked.

"What do you want me to say?"

Alec didn't know.

"Something," Alec said. "You're just—You're being so cold about it, like it doesn't even matter to you. We're _brothers,_ Jace."

Jace looked past Alec and out the window.

"You're going to have a _life_, Alec," Jace said. He looked back at Alec, at the burns on his flesh. "You're not going to be kept at bay by the Clave and you're not going to have to risk your life every five minutes just because someone whistles."

Alec was taken aback. "But you love being a Shadowhunter."

"So do you," Jace said. "But sometimes there are things you love more."

Alec felt something stab his heart. _Clary_. That was what Jace's demeanor was about.

"Jace, I'm sorr--"

"Don't, Alec. Just... You didn't have to make a choice about how you felt because it was made for you. Just be happy that it was made in the way you _would've_ gone eventually. Because if it hadn't been, you'd hate it later."

Alec knew that Jace wasn't talking about him anymore, but didn't know what to say.

"You've got a chance to be with someone who loves you, Alec. _Forever_. And I know the guy hates to clean, but you've got time to train him," Jace said, smiling sadly at Alec. "And if he gives you any trouble, you've got me to call. Or Isabelle, since I think she wants his blood right about now."

Alec laughed slightly.

"You'll always be my brother, Alec," Jace said, putting a hand on his shoulder. It burned, but Alec ignored it. "I'm not going to disappear just because your parents think you've died. And I know it might seem like Isabelle is angry right now, but..." Jace took a deep breath. "She's never been in a hopeless love."

Alec had never seen such a vulnerability behind Jace's eyes, but he knew he never wanted to see it again. When Jace took his hand away, Alec was sure he took bits of Alec's flesh with him, but he just gritted his teeth and watched Jace open the door and walk away.

He had his blessing.

---

Magnus was extremely thankful when the door opened and Jace walked out of his room. Partly because Isabelle had been standing at the end of the hall clicking her heel and playing around with the gold whip she always carried and partly because he still felt uncomfortable about Alec being alone with Jace.

Once the two of them were gone, Magnus walked back to his bedroom, where he found Alec looking out the window down at the street, watching as Jace and Isabelle walked down the street.

He put his hands on Alec's back again and heard a contented sigh escape the boy's lips.

"What did Jace say?"

Alec was silent for a moment. "I think he just wants me to have the kind of happiness he can't," Alec replied, turning to face Magnus. "Because even though this choice was made for me, I probably would've made it myself in time. But where he didn't know what to feel about Clary...."

Magnus nodded in understanding.

"And I would have, Magnus, I know I would have," Alec said, leaning into Magnus's touch against his burning skin. "I just didn't think it would be so soon."

Magnus leaned forward and kissed him, carefully running his hands down Alec's arms.

When he pulled away a moment later he realized that Alec's eyes were open and looking at him curiously.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you really think you'll be able to put up with me for_ever_?"

"As long as you don't try to alphabetize my spice rack, I'm perfectly okay with forever," Magnus said, brushing Alec's hair away and kissing his forehead.

"A few weeks ago, I told you I wanted to be with you forever," Alec said as he put his hands on Magnus's waist.

Magnus nodded and thought back to that night.

Alec laughed nervously. "I didn't think I meant it literally."

"Sometimes we say things as jokes that our mind actually means seriously," Magnus said, leaning forward and touching their foreheads together. He stared into Alec's eyes as the boy seemed to think about it for a moment.

"I don't know that I'd say my _mind_. My mind is telling me that I'm going to wake up and laugh at myself. My _heart_ is the one telling me that I'm awake and I'm not crazy for believing everything you've said."

"Well, I love your heart," Magnus said. He put his hands on Alec's chest and felt his heartbeat under the heat.

"And it loves you," Alec said, kissing Magnus quickly. "Forever."

---

**A/N Pt. 2: **BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! ...Aside from Jusmine who (I think) said it as a joke and will be like "Oh.. Um... So I was right?" BOO TO YOU! And if you did see it coming, well... :( I didn't think I was being predictable. Bah. I've been tossing the idea around in my head for a while and then I decided on it about ten minutes after I posted the last chapter... Then Jusmine posted that review and I was like "Well... Maybe I shouldn't do it." Then I was like "Screw it, I'm going with it." ;) Good job, Jusmine :-P


	12. Chapter 12

(**A Final Author's Note: **Never owned the characters, still don't own the characters, will never own the characters. The characters belong to the lovely Cassandra Clare, as they have for the entire duration of this fanfic. This is the final part and I'd like to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing and fangirling ^.^ Since this is partially based on a novel I've been writing (different characters, similar storyline) I hope that if I'm ever published, ya'll will pick up my book :-P Toodles! It's been fun.)

**When You Say Forever**

He wasn't sure exactly how he was supposed to react to what he was seeing. There was a glamour on him, but he felt like he was the pink elephant doing ballet in the center of the room. He couldn't make a sound, couldn't move, and he had never felt so helpless.

He wondered if this was how it felt to be dead. To be out of your body, looking down at how your family was reacting to it.

His mother—the strongest woman he knew—was bent over the bed, her arms wrapped around him as she cried. Well, it wasn't actually him... Magnus had taken great care to work up a glamour that would transform a dead Forsaken into a double of him.

It was surreal.

His father was standing back slightly behind his mother and just staring at him.

Alec took a deep breath just to remind himself that he could breathe.

Isabelle came into the room next, Jace shortly behind her, as Magnus had gone out only a moment ago and informed everyone that he hadn't survived the "demon attack." Isabelle and Jace were each bloodied, but it was the blood of the Forsaken rather than Alec's own.

But no one else knew that.

Isabelle stared at the Alec lying in the bed with eyes that were slightly glazed over. Jace looked over directly to where the real Alec was standing and Alec wondered what he saw. Of course, Jace and Isabelle knew he was there, so he wondered if they could see through the glamour, or if Magnus had put one strong enough that even they couldn't see.

His father put an arm around Isabelle, who leaned against him and continued to stare at her mother and dead-Alec.

When she let her eyes drift over to where he was standing, her gaze was filled with ice. He knew what she was thinking since he was thinking it himself.

_How could I do this to her?_

Magnus came into the room a moment later and stayed back by the door, watching the scene with genuine sympathy.

There were several long moments while everyone just stood and watched as his mother cried and Alec wished that someone would _do something_. He wanted to hug her, something he hadn't done in years, and tell her that it was okay. But he couldn't.

And no one else would.

His father turned around, as though sensing for the first time that Magnus was in the room. When Isabelle scowled at Magnus, his father saw it and Alec wondered if he'd question it.

Then he realized that it would be logical in a situation like this to blame the Downworlder who had been unable to save a Shadowhunter. Even when it wasn't Magnus's fault, Alec still knew that his father would understand Isabelle's contempt.

"You can go," he heard his father saw in a low tone. "Thank you for trying."

Magnus nodded solemnly and turned to walk out of the room without another word. Alec assumed he was meant to follow.

He moved as silently as possible, forcing his legs to move even when he wanted to fall back against the wall with exhaustion, and made it into the hallway only moments before his father closed the door.

Magnus was waiting for him at the end of the hall. He had just pressed the button on the elevator.

Alec felt heavy as they stepped into the rickety old elevator and they remained silent from the second the shaky gate closed until they were back at Magnus's home twenty minutes later.

Magnus touched his shoulder when he closed the front door and Alec felt like a weight had been lifted. He could only guess that the glamour was gone.

"Are you okay?" asked Magnus, his hand lingering on Alec's shoulder.

"I don't know," Alec said. "I'm—I'm really tired. Would it be okay if I slept?"

Magnus nodded and stepped back. Alec was thankful that Magnus was at least giving him space to breathe; he felt smothered by the situation itself.

He made his way into Magnus's room—he preferred it over the room Magnus was setting up for him because if felt more familiar—and curled into the canary-colored comforter.

He fell asleep almost immediately.

When he woke some time later, he stared up at the ceiling for several long moments and wondered what was happening at the Institute. Jace had sworn to keep him informed on happenings over there, but he wondered if Isabelle would keep him from it.

She wanted nothing to do with him.

There was a soft rapping at the door and Alec rolled over and saw Magnus cracking the door open.

"Hey," said Magnus. "Are you hungry?"

Alec shook his head on the pillow and then started to sit up.

"I'm still tired," he said. "I don't really want to move much."

Magnus nodded and continued into the room with caution.

"How are my parents?" Alec asked.

"Jace says they're preparing the body to be taken away. Your mother is the same as she was when we left," he said. He took a seat on the edge of the bed.

Alec sighed and felt horribly responsible for what his family was going through. It must have been written on his face because Magnus reached out and touched his face.

"This isn't your fault," he said. "This is what had to be done."

"Maybe we could have told them the truth," said Alec. "They would have understood eventually."

Magnus looked at him with great sympathy and shook his head slowly.

Alec looked down at his hands and knew deep down that he was wrong.

"You're right," he said. "It just would've brought shame to the family."

Magnus traced one of the faded red marks on his arm, the healed blisters that had appeared when his body rejected his Marks.

"Do they still hurt?" he asked.

"No. Thank you for the lotion," Alec said. "Most of the pain is gone. Now it's all just... internal, I guess."

Magnus frowned.

"It'll take time to get used to," said Magnus. "But I'm here for you."

---

It had been three weeks since Alec's death was staged. Since then, there had been little contact from the Institute, which surprised Magnus, since he was expecting to be contacted by the Clave. They usually investigated the deaths of Shadowhunters more thoroughly when the Silent Brothers weren't the ones who were called in to confirm the death.

Currently, Alec was sitting in the living room reading a book while Magnus planned out his own schedule for the following week. He had several things he needed to get done in relation to the bedroom he was setting up for Alec across from his own.

Although he would have preferred that Alec share his bedroom, he knew that it was a lot to ask from him at that particular point in time. The boy had just been separated from his family, friends, his _life_... Magnus knew he couldn't ask too much of him just yet.

But they had time.

Magnus smiled inwardly at that knowledge. Even when he saw how depressed Alec sometimes seemed to be, he couldn't help but feel happy when he realized that he had him back.

Even if it meant sleeping on his couch until Alec's room was ready. It wasn't that bad, really.

He let his pen drop back onto the table and stood, stretching as he walked from the kitchen into the living room.

"Think you're ready for bed?" Magnus asked.

Alec looked up from the book and then back down at it. He pulled the ribbon from behind the spine and tucked it into his page.

He had been having trouble sleeping as of late, so Magnus had to get him settled on most nights. He would wait until Alec had changed, brushed his teeth, and finished his other nightly activities before going into the room and calming his mind for him.

Though Magnus could think of many _calming activities_, Alec just preferred the spells Magnus knew by heart to keep the nightmares away.

Once he saw that Alec was sleeping contentedly, he kissed him on the forehead and left the room, heading off to the couch.

---

Alec woke feeling uncomfortable. Magnus had made sure that nightmares were well warded off, but that didn't stop other dreams from paying him frequent visits.

Sometimes he dreamed of Jace, but not the way he used to. No, he would dream about Jace being his friend again, since that was something he thought about often. He wanted Jace to be in his life, though he hadn't seen him in quite some time.

Sometimes he dreamed of Isabelle, wishing for the same thing. When he had tried to contact her, he had used Magnus as the medium between them and had him call her. She had told him that her brother was dead.

It hurt.

Now, however, he had been dreaming of Magnus. Then again, perhaps it wasn't a dream. Memories of his former life were not uncommon during sleep, or so Magnus said, and he had been having them often enough.

But this one had been different.

Alec hadn't felt like himself. He hadn't felt like it was _him_ the way he did during the other dreams or those moments in real life when he would blink and find himself in the past.

It was here, he was sure, that he differed from himself.

Or he thought he did, at least.

In his dream, he had woken in Magnus's bedroom in the cabin. Of course, Alec thought right away that he was waking up as _Alec having a memory_ rather than sleeping as _Alec having a dream._ So it had all been very strange to him.

He had never had memories of being with Magnus in any capacity other than kissing or the occasional brief touches, since he had never lived anything other than that. This is why it came as quite a shock when he rolled over in the bed and found a _very naked Magnus_ lying next to him. Upon further inspection he found that he, too, was _very_ naked.

Alec stared at the ceiling, remembering how he had felt like he shouldn't be looking at Magnus like that while he was asleep, but he couldn't help but notice the dark tattoos on his caramel-colored skin and the way his hair fanned out about his head like an ebony halo.

He hadn't been able to look away.

And then Magnus had stirred, as if feeling his gaze, and although Alec felt the need to look away, _Alexander_ had decided that it was time to pounce.

That was the only word Alec could think of to describe it. He had, quite literally, pounced Magnus.

It was late in the afternoon, or so Alec would have guessed, and Alec could only assume that they had been taking a brief nap to, ah, _recover_ from previous activities.

Activities, Alec reminded himself, hadn't happened in this day and age.

And now he was pretty sure he knew why.

He closed his eyes and remembered the way he hadn't had any control over his body; the way Alexander took control of him and did everything without his permission. Maybe that was why Alec felt the way he did now; he hadn't had any say in anything and it had been nothing like he would have wanted.

But wasn't that how it was supposed to be? Is that how Magnus would expect it?

Alec rolled over in the bed and looked at clock on the side table. It was just after three in the morning, telling him that Magnus would still be asleep.

He looked at the door and thought about going out there—waking Magnus—and just letting everything he wanted to say fall out of his mouth. There were so many things he wanted to ask Magnus, so many things he felt like he needed to tell him... But, as he always was when Alec felt the desperate need to talk to him, Magnus was unavailable.

Well, he was available, of course, but Alec felt guilty waking him at such an hour. He had done that enough with the nightmares. Alec felt as though Magnus might be a bit confused if he woke him to tell him he'd had a sex dream.

Alec sighed and rolled onto his back. There were a lot of things about the way Alexander had been that made him wonder exactly what would be expected of him in the future.

It wasn't that it hadn't been nice—the dream—but he couldn't see himself _doing that_. If he was completely honest with himself, he didn't want to be the one who--

There was a knock on the door, abruptly cutting off his thoughts.

"Alec?" Magnus said quietly as he opened the door. "Are you awake?"

Alec wondered if he should pretend to be asleep, but then decided not to. "Yeah," he said. "I just woke up."

"I thought I heard you rolling around. Did you have another nightmare?"

Magnus walked to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"No," replied Alec. "I don't know what woke me up." _Lie._

"Oh," said Magnus.

"How did you hear me?" he asked. "You're in the living room."

"Well, A, I have great hearing for a three hundred year old and, B, I was just in the bathroom, so I was walking by your door," Magnus explained.

"Oh. I'm fine," he said. "Just rolled over wrong or something... Woke myself up." _Also a lie._

Magnus looked at him as though he wasn't sure he believed Alec and then leaned over and kissed him softly before he stood.

"I'll let you go back to sleep," Magnus said as he walked toward the door. "If you wake up again, don't worry about waking me up if something's wrong."

Alec nodded, wondering if he should let Magnus leave. Hadn't he just been wishing he could talk to him?

"'Night," Magnus said.

And then the door closed, taking his chance to speak to Magnus away with the sound.

---

A few nights later, Alec found himself in another memory disguised as a dream.

The times when he could so clearly distinguish himself from Alexander were the times when he knew he wasn't awake. When he was awake, he could control his voice, his motions, his _mind_; but when he _was_ Alexander, he had no choice. It was like being trapped in a body he didn't know.

It was so strange to touch Magnus and feel everything but not have the ability to do what he wanted.

Alexander didn't really seem to enjoy kissing Magnus quite as much as Alec did and even though Alec still had the strange pleasure of looking at Magnus as they kissed, the kisses ended too soon. And Alexander bit down on Magnus's flesh a bit harder than Alec would have.

"We don't have long," Alexander said while Alec could only listen. "They'll be wondering where I am."

Magnus nodded and tugged at the black sweater Alexander wore. Their hips were crushed together almost painfully and Alec wondered if Alexander ever woke with bruises.

When he felt how hard his hands were gripping Magnus's sides, he realized that _Magnus_ was probably the one who was more likely to wake up with the marks.

There were so many unfamiliar things going on at once. It made Alec wish he could just wake up. He didn't want to think about it again; how harsh Alexander tended to be. Did Magnus really enjoy this? Could Alec do this when he was awake and didn't have Alexander doing everything for him?

"Alexander," gasped Magnus when Alexander began moving his hips against him.

Alec agreed that the sensation was very nice, but couldn't voice his opinion because Alexander was focused on ending it all as quickly as possible. Even without being able to know what Alexander was _thinking_, he could feel it in the way his own body started to thrust harder against Magnus's hips, aligning them perfectly, and how the pace began to get more erratic rather than a steady rhythm.

He wondered silently if they did this often. That thought made him wonder if it ever got uncomfortable... Wouldn't it make a mess?

Before he could think of any other strange questions, he felt Alexander's orgasm ripping through him. He couldn't count it as his own, since he really had no part in it, but it still felt gloriously warm. He gasped and cried out just before Magnus pushed himself up to kiss him—hard—and they both started to settle down.

"I love you," Magnus whispered, slinking his arms around his neck and kissing the side of his throat.

_I love you, too_, Alec thought.

But Alexander had other plans. "I—I should go."

"Mmhmm..." Magnus murmured. He snapped his fingers and Alec felt the mess in his pants evaporate. It was a strange sensation. Magnus kissed him again and then Alexander started to get up, just as Alec was starting to think that it might be comfortable to sleep there.

"I'll see you," Alexander said. "Soon."

Magnus got up as well and followed Alexander out.

For the first time, Alec found himself even more frustrated with Alexander's actions. He wanted to stay.

When the door opened, he woke up and was granted his wish. He was in Magnus's home and would never have to leave.

Or maybe he just never could.

"Alec?"

Alec realized that maybe he hadn't been awakened by the opening door in his dream.

"Did I wake you?" Magnus asked as he walked further into the room.

Alec shook his head on the pillow and turned his head to look at Magnus. He was standing a few feet from the bed, looking down at him in concern.

"You were saying things in your sleep," he explained. "You kept calling me. I wasn't sure if you were awake or not."

Alec rubbed the blur away from his eyes and tried to sit up.

"Sorry," he said dumbly.

"It's okay," said Magnus. He shifted awkwardly on his feet and Alec sniffed.

It tended to be like this when neither of them knew what to say. It hadn't been _before_, but now that Alec was _living_ with Magnus, they had run out of things to say to one another. And Alec didn't want to talk about his family.

"You're flushed," Magnus noted a moment later. "Were you having a nightmare?"

Alec shook his head and felt his face getting redder.

"I guess I'll go back to the living room, then," Magnus said. "Unless you want me to do another spell... Do you think you'll have another nightmare?"

Alec shook his head again and looked down at his hands, which were clasped together in his lap.

Magnus turned to leave and Alec remembered the dream and how he remembered the look in Magnus's eyes when Alexander walked out the door. He felt a pang in his heart and cleared the sleep from his throat, finally finding the voice he had been looking for.

"You could stay," he said quietly.

Magnus paused, his hand on the doorknob, and didn't turn for a moment. He took a deep breath and then turned his head.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Alec," he said.

Alec remembered Alexander's words from so many memories. Usually _he_ was the one to say it was a bad idea. When had they traded?

After a moment during which Magnus seemed to argue with himself within his head, he took a few hesitant steps toward the bed and, with equal hesitance, climbed into the bed next to Alec.

---

Alec wondered how often Alexander and Magnus would meet. It couldn't have been all too frequent, otherwise there probably wouldn't have been so much tension between them when they finally _were_ allowed to be together. The problem was that Alec never knew how much time had elapsed between the last time they had been together and his current situation, since they only came to him in dreams. He wasn't even sure if these memories were _in order_ and it was giving him headaches as he tried to keep up with a mental time line.

Though Magnus's lips at the hollow if his throat was _not_ making it easy for him to calculate lapses in time.

Upon thinking this, he was viciously reminded that it was not _his_ throat Magnus was lovingly attacking, it was _Alexander's_ and he was only reminded of it because Alexander reached up around Magnus and was trying to trade places with him. He failed for a moment and then gasped when Magnus bit down against his shoulder.

Alec decided that he probably would've gasped, too. It was rather nice.

"Magnus," gasped Alexander. His voice remained foreign to Alec.

"Let me," Magnus pleaded as he kissed a warm trail down Alexander's chest and stomach.

Alexander shook his head against the pillow and started to sit up.

"Alexander--"

"No, Magnus. I've said--"

"I know you've said," said Magnus, looking slightly dejected. "I just don't understand why you don't trust me."

They were kneeling before each other in the center of the bed. Though Alec couldn't hear Alexander's thoughts, he could feel the frustration in his posture and from the very way alec was looking out from behind the eyelids of someone he didn't know.

"I do trust you," Alexander said. "I just--I can't do that."

Magnus sighed and leaned forward to kiss him and Alec understood exactly what the problem was, but he wasn't sure it was something he would want to address with Magnus in real life if he didn't have to. Although he had to admit to himself that it was a reassuring thought.

He tried to raise Alexander's hand but found that it was impossible to do anything that Alexander didn't want.

He wondered if Magnus felt that way.

---

"Alec?"

Alec had fallen asleep on the couch some time ago and Magnus was worried that he was having a nightmare. He hadn't done any of the usual spells to ward them off, so it wouldn't have surprised him if the younger man's profuse sweating was being caused by such a dream.

Alec stirred slightly, though he cried out just as he awoke.

"Are you okay?" Magnus said, crouching down in front of the couch. "Another nightmare?"

Magnus sometimes wondered if he was annoying Alec by constantly monitoring him when he slept, but he knew that it was likely that memories would start coming to Alec in his sleep. Memories of things that had not yet come to light during the day and were trying to get free in his sleep. He was afraid that Alec would begin to see the night that Alexander died in his dreams when the proper spells weren't put on as a precaution. He always asked if there were nightmares because he knew that Alec would think he was bothering him if he wanted to talk about it... He wanted him to know that he could trust him.

Alec stared at him for a moment before realizing that he was awake. It was another long moment before he blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked.

Alec nodded slowly and continued to stare at him. The blue eyes were looking at him as though torn between being confused and being happy to see him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head and then started to sit up. He wiped his forehead and seemed surprised to find that it was saturated with a cold sweat. He seemed equally surprised to find that he had, at some point, been covered by a fleece throw blanket with the several of the Rugrats characters on it.

"You were shaking a little in your sleep," Magnus explained. "I used that one just in case you..." He trailed off for a moment and Alec blushed. "When your nightmares were at their worst, you were vomiting.. I just..." He trailed off again and Alec nodded in understanding. Better the Rugrats than the Powerpuff Girls, afterall.

"Are you hungry?" Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head.

"Are you going to talk to me in the next decade?" Magnus asked his question with a grin, but he was partly serious. Alec's silence was worrying him.

But Alec smiled and some of the worry melted away. "Sorry," he said. "I'm just trying to wake up."

"It's okay," Magnus replied.

They were silent for several moments and Magnus decided to sit down on the floor in front of the couch. He played with dust bunny for a few minutes and then decided to send it away toward the dark and dismal world of Under The Couch.

"Magnus?"

He looked up. It was unusual for Alec to address him first. Alec was fidgeting with his hands in his lap, just above the carrot-colored hair of the four-eyed Rugrat. Magnus couldn't remember his name at that moment... Alec's slender fingers distracted him. He followed the anxiety in Alec's hands up his arms to where they met his shoulders--tense and slightly hunched forward--and then to Alec's face. Alec wasn't looking at him. Instead, he was looking down at his hands and biting his lip.

"Did you and Alexander ever argue?"

Magnus was slightly surprised by the question and looked down at the ground before saying anything.

"Everyone argues, Alec. We argue. Alexander and I argued. It doesn't mean I didn't love him." _God,_ thought Magnus, _I sound like I'm telling my eight-year-old son why I was fighting with his mother or something._

He rethought his thoughts. _Not that I even_ have_ an eight-year-old._

Then he wondered what kind of memory Alec could have had that would have involved an argument. Most of their arguments had been over Alexander becoming immortal, which Alec had already done. Thus, that memory should not have been prevalent.

Alec nodded at his answer and went back to playing with his fingers.

"What was your dream?" Magnus wondered, wishing he had the ability to read minds more than he ever had before. Alexander had never been too shy to come right out and say things, but from the weeks he had been living with Alec under his roof, he had discovered that there were some things that Alec found difficult to discuss.

His efforts to make Alec talk to him over the course of the next hour were in vain and soon he was feeling tired himself.

He walked Alec into the bedroom to put him to bed--including the spells to ward off the nightmares. Once Alec was settled in like the eight-year-old child Magnus didn't have, he leaned forward to kiss him goodnight. He put his hands on either side of Alec and pressed his lips softly against Alec's.

When he started to pull away, Alec reached out from below the blanket and held him steady, seeming to be slightly nervous as he deepened the kiss. He was surprised by this but stayed steady above him and kissed him back matching his intensity as best he could from his standing position.

Alec's other hand snuck out from under the blanket and came up to touch Magnus's waist. Magnus wasn't sure if he was supposed to take the gentle pull as a hint that he was being invited onto the bed, so he tentatively brought one knee up onto the bed, just in case he was misreading. When Alec's other hand left his neck and went to his other hip, he took _this_ as the invitation and crawled up onto the bed.

It had been so long since they had last had any physical contact that Magnus was sure he wouldn't be able to stay much longer before he would have to force himself to leave for Alec's sake. There were too many things that Alec hadn't yet understood... Magnus couldn't force these things on him yet.

Alec, however, seemed to have other plans. His hands slipped below Magnus's shirt and traced his spine with cool fingertips, making Magnus shiver slowly and causing a soft sound to escape his lips. The parting of his lips allowed Alec to carefully slip his tongue between them. Magnus accepted the happy intrusion and slid his own against Alec's, causing Alec to make an equally soft sound, only it sounded louder to Magnus because it reverberated against his own mouth.

Magnus let one of his hands--really, it seemed to have a mind of its own and he was merely letting it go where it felt like it needed to be--travel to the center of Alec's chest. Through the thin fabric of Alec's t-shirt, he could feel his heart beating. It was a heart he had promised to hold.

They had to stop.

He broke the kiss against his own will and pulled back, but Alec's hands remained.

"We need to stop," Magnus said. He tried not to notice how full Alec's lips were or how the younger man's cheeks were tinted pink. Alec squeezed his eyes shut and seemed either be thinking very hard or reprimanding himself for something.

"It's okay, Alec... I just--I'm sorry. If I don't go now--"

"You could stay," Alec whispered. His eyes were still shut tight and Magnus wasn't even sure if he had spoken. It could've been his mind playing tricks; getting back at him for all the memories Alec was going through.

"Alec... I can't stay. Not tonight," he said, his breathing starting to return from jagged to normal.

"Please?" Alec asked, finally opening his eyes. "I-I want you to stay."

Magnus sucked in a shaky breath and touched his forehead against Alec's.

"Any other night, Alec," he said. "I just don't think it's a good idea tonight."

"Why?" Alec asked. His hands fell down Magnus's back and stopped on the skin of his hips. Alec--and Magnus would wonder where Alec got the nerve for a very long time--lifted himself slightly off the bed and kissed Magnus harder than he usually did. At the same time, he gripped his hips and tried to pull him closer.

This time it was harder for Magnus to pull away.

"Alec," he said when he was finally free of his hormones and more in touch with his senses. "Alec, I need to go."

He pulled away and hoped that he wasn't leaving Alec scarred for the rest of their days by walking away. Alec had to understand that it was so much harder to walk away than it would have been to stay, but it was something he needed to do.

"Please," Alec choked out.

Magnus stopped at the door but didn't turn around. He knew that if he did, there was no way he'd leave.

"Let me," said Alec. His voice was almost a whisper and Magnus froze completely. He hadn't been planning to move, but those two words made him turn to stone in place.

"Let me give you what he wouldn't."

The words less than a whisper; they were like a breath being exhaled into the wind and finding their way to his ears.

It was at that moment that Magnus realized the extent of Alec's dreams and why he wouldn't discuss them.

"Alec--"

"Magnus, please don't..." Alec trailed off and looked down at his hands, fiddling with them again in his lap.

"Alec, I don't even know if you understand what you're asking for."

Alec tossed the comforter aside and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Magnus stayed put as Alec approached him, looking about half as predatory as Alexander had. But the idea was still there.

"I can't stand the dreams, Magnus," Alec said, putting his hands on Magnus's waist. "He holds you too tight and kisses you too hard and those are the only memories I have." He flexed his fingers and slipped them below Magnus's shirt, touching gently at spots where Magnus had frequently awoken with purple bruises shaped like fingertips. "He was always in such a hurry, wasn't he?" Alec was looking down at him with nervous and sympathetic eyes. "He always had to get back before anyone realized he was missing. And he always had to have control." Alec pressed their foreheads together and looked Magnus in the eye. "It's all I have, Magnus," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "And it's killing me to keep having these memories where I can't _do_ anything but just... go through the motions."

Magnus was silent for a long moment and Alec took his right hand and held it tight.

"I think that this is where the memories stop, Magnus," he said. "I think that this is where Alexander and me are different."

Magnus couldn't meet Alec's eyes and looked down at their clasped hands.

"I know you wanted him to give himself to you. And that's what I want, Magnus, it's exactly what I want."

He had no idea how to answer Alec. Yes, it was something he wanted, but it had never been something he had _expected_. And now it was standing right in front of him and he still had a hard time believing that he was in the present--awake and present--and Alec was actually serious. He wasn't sure what had gotten into Alec, and he knew he should have questioned it, but then Alec took his silence as a good sign and leaned forward and kissed him.

He decided not to fight it.

As soon as he let his mind switch to off, his body seemed to click on. He put his hands on Alec's shoulders as they kissed and pressed him back toward the bed. He was as gentle as possible to ensure that he wouldn't make Alec think he was pushing him away. From the way Alec took hold of his waist when Magnus started pressing backwards, Magnus realized there was no way Alec would have _let him_ push him away.

The backs of Alec's thighs brushed the mattress and they paused for a moment, quickly discarding each other's t-shirts with only the briefest break in their kiss, and then Alec fell backwards, pulling Magnus down with him.

They took a moment to situate themselves, hands wandering everywhere at once, and then were back into their kiss. After a few brief moments, Magnus broke the kiss and started to suck and nip at the side of Alec's neck, trailing downward and causing Alec to throw his head back on the pillows and squeeze his eyes shut. Magnus playfully dipped his tongue into his lover's bellybutton, causing him to arch upward in search of more attention.

Remembering how quickly everything had ended with Alexander the first time, he decided not to press his luck by going downwards and began to retrace his trail back up to Alec's neck. As he tried to leave a pleasant mark next to one of Alec's faded Marks, he slipped his hands into the waistband of Alec's pajama bottoms and began to shimmy them off the younger man's hips. Alec lifted off the bed to assist in the effort and Magnus lifted himself higher to ensure he wasn't going to get kneed in the crotch as Alec kicked the pants away.

"Not fair," Alec gasped, quickly reaching down to try to unbutton Magnus's jeans. Alec was right--It wasn't actually fair. Alec was completely naked, aside from his black socks, and Magnus's pants would be a project. For the first time in many, many years Magnus inwardly scolded himself for wearing such tight pants.

The button was undone, but Magnus's jeans weren't made with an erection in mind, which made the zipper slightly more difficult to deal with. After a bit of awkward fumbling that was sure not to be the last of the night, the offending jeans were slipped off of his hips and they worked together to kick them down to the end of the bed, where they joined Alec's pajamas and one of their shirts. Magnus tried not to grimace when he realized that his shirt must have found its way to the floor earlier.

He straddled Alec's waist and leaned in to kiss him again when he realized that Alec was trembling nervously.

"You're shaking," Magnus said.

"Thanks _so much_ for pointing that out," Alec replied. His cheeks flushed and he closed his eyes as though he didn't want to look at Magnus.

It was several moments before Alec opened his eyes again, but when he did, Magnus's eyes looked back at him as they kissed soundly. After another bout of awkward fumbling, they were each left wearing only their socks. As Magnus felt his body align against Alec's without the various layers between them for the first time, he realized how unfamiliar Alec was to him in comparison to Alexander.

He placed a hand on Alec's waist and pulled him closer, lifting him slightly, and Alec instinctively wrapped one leg around Magnus, pulling him closer than a moment before.

Magnus broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, the tips of their noses touching slightly, and began to grind his hips against Alec's. The unfamiliar skin-to-skin friction made Alec's mouth open in a perfect circle and his eyes flutter shut. Magnus would have smirked if he hadn't been so concentrated on not losing himself in the feeling entirely.

He had done this so many times, but it was becoming increasingly harder for him to remember that Alec never had.

Letting go of Alec's hip, he steadied himself on his other hand and reached between them to grasp both of their erections. As soon as his fingers closed around the both of them, Alec let out a sharp hiss and his head fell away and onto the pillows. Magnus looked down between them, surprised by how hard it seemed to be for Alec to breathe steadily in that moment, and watched as his hand stroked up and down, creating yet another new feeling for Alec to enjoy. After a moment, he stopped including himself and just stroked Alec in long, teasing pulls.

Alec opened his eyes and then squeezed them shut so tightly and sucked in a breath.

"Please," Alec said simply when he exhaled sharply. It wasn't begging, pleading, or demanding. It was just a word that Alec seemed to hope would get his point across.

Magnus, who had always been slightly bothered by how fast and desperate his times with Alexander had been, realized in that moment that there was nothing about this that had the urgency caused by a lack of time or a fear of being discovered. He kissed Alec, pressing his tongue into Alec's warm and receptive mouth, and decided that the only thing that made him want to go faster was his need to have _all_ of Alec _right then_.

He tried to break the kiss but Alec pulled him closer and pressed his hips upwards while tightening his leg around him, holding him in place. Magnus made a mental note to make sure that Alec continued to get regular exercise; he had very strong legs.

When Alec let him pull back a long moment later, he let a soft moan of disappointment escape his lips.

Magnus smiled at him and tried to breathe regularly, if only for a moment.

"How do you want me to do this?" Magnus asked. He looked at Alec's red cheeks and thoroughly disheveled hair and swallowed hard. When Alec's eyes looked up at him in slight confusion, Magnus wondered if his own cheeks began to color. Though Magnus wasn't even sure if his blood was flowing properly anymore. It had been a long time.

He cleared his throat nervously. "It might be easier if, ah, you're on your hands and knees--Just the first time," he added quickly, though he wasn't sure how quickly he was speaking, since his voice was betraying him from his quick breathing.

Understanding flashed in Alec's eyes and he immediately shook his head. Magnus wondered if Alec was having second thoughts--and immediately prayed that he wasn't. His face must have been readable because Alec took a deep breath and swallowed.

"I mean," Alec said, like he was picking the words very carefully, "Could we just..." He paused, seeming afraid to say it.

Magnus feared the worst.

One of Alec's hands was on the lower side of his back and Alec ran it all the way up to Magnus's shoulders and then brought it around to his chest.

"Couldn't we--" He swallowed again and Magnus watched the way his throat contracted around the air Alec was taking in. He noticed a red patch that he had succeeded in creating and then the subsequent patches that had followed in a short trail down to the center of Alec's chest, which was rising and falling with nervous breaths. "Like this?"

Magnus broke away from admiring his handiwork and looked at Alec, who was looking at his hand on his chest.

"Like this?" Magnus was surprised, of course, but he wasn't going to complain. Alec nodded and Magnus kissed him again and began to snake his hand down between them. He briefly wondered whether he should use magic as a lubricant or get out of bed and find one. Then he wondered why he even had to ask himself in the first place.

_Bed, nice and warm, or out naked into the other room where it is most certainly not warm? Really?_

He shifted their positions so that Alec had a chance to spread his legs just enough for Magnus to slip his hand between them.

He broke the kiss and ran his tongue along Alec's jawline until, enjoying the way it made Alec shiver, and placed a soft kiss at the spot where his jaw connected, just below his ear. "This is probably going to be a little uncomfortable," he whispered honestly. Alec's breathing hitched slightly and he tensed, like he was preparing himself for the ultimate discomfort, and Magnus added, "Just try to relax." Alec nodded but remained tense.

Magnus turned his head away from Alec and whispered a few words, thankful for magic that could aid him in bed without involving stealing from one of the hundreds of sex stores in New York City, and felt his fingers become warm and slippery. He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together without looking down at his hand and turned back to place a kiss against the side of Alec's neck as he slowly pressed his middle finger into Alec's body.

He was only in up to his first knuckle when he paused on Alec's sharp intake of breath. When Alec exhaled, he pressed further, to the second knuckle, and let Alec breathe every time. It took several moments for Alec to get used to his finger alone and Magnus realized that maybe this was going to take longer than he thought it would. But judging by the heat and sheer tightness of it all, Magnus was sure it would be worth the hundred-year wait.

"I'm okay," Alec said, not quite sounding convinced himself. "Keep going."

With the same gentleness, Magnus repeated with a second finger, followed several moments later by a third. He held himself up on one hand and watched as Alec became more and more accustomed to the feeling, eventually meeting Magnus's thrusting fingers by moving his body to meet them mid-way.

Magnus slowly withdrew his fingers and when Alec whimpered slightly at the loss, Magnus knew that he was ready. "Here," Magnus said, taking one of Alec's hands and holding it for a moment. He whispered the spell again and Alec's hand was slicked with a warm lubrication. He guided Alec's hand to his cock and Alec instinctively closed his fingers around it and began to pump up and down.

Magnus put his hands on either side of Alec and tried to remain steady. He let his head fall forward to rest against Alec's and when Alec began to quicken his rhythm, Magnus had to stop him, lest everything end far too soon.

"I'll go slow," said Magnus as he positioned the tip of his cock against Alec's opening.

Alec nodded and closed his eyes, clearly still not sure of himself, and bit down on his lip to brace himself. When Magnus began to press into him, he cried out in surprise and Magnus stopped immediately, fearing that he had hurt him.

"I'm... I'm fine," Alec said quickly. "I'm fine."

"Just relax," Magnus said, biting the inside of his cheek. It had been too long.

Alec nodded again and Magnus continued to enter him, inch by inch. He was nearly fully encased by his lover's body when Alec tensed again and Magnus realized he needed to slow down. He wordlessly gave Alec a moment to adjust before continuing. A few long moments later, he was finally inside him and he took a few heaving breaths at the realization that they were as close as they could possibly get.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked. He was afraid to move. Alec hadn't really made any sound other than a few uncomfortable gasps in the last few minutes.

Alec nodded and bit his lip. "It hurts a little bit," he said, breathing hard.

"It'll be okay," Magnus said. "We'll wait until you're comfortable."

Magnus, feeling steady, reached up and wiped Alec's brow, which had grown moist and now had hair clinging to Alec's skin.

He wasn't sure how long it would take for Alec to grow accustomed to the strange fullness inside his body and it had been so long since Magnus's first time that he really didn't remember himself. So, to fill the awkward moments, he leaned forward slightly--carefully so as not to move and hurt Alec--and kissed his forehead before kissing the tip of his nose and finally finding his lips.

Alec kissed him back tentatively and in the moments that their kiss lasted, Magnus could almost feel the adjustment taking place. Alec went from kissing him nervously and breathing harshly through his nose to deepening the kiss and beginning to breathe more erratically, though no longer due to pain. A long moment after that realization, Alec broke the kiss and looked Magnus in the eye for the first time in a while.

"I think I'm okay now," he said.

Magnus nodded and slowly began to move. He watched Alec's face for any changes as best he could, but as he withdrew partly and then pressed himself back into the glorious and unfamiliar warmth, it became increasingly hard to concentrate.

They had soon managed to work into a rhythm and Alec began to move with him, letting Magnus know that he was no longer in pain.

Magnus looked down between them and wasn't surprised to see that Alec was only half-erect and as his eyes moved back up toward Alec's face, he watched his chest rise and fall quickly as his breathing began to quicken. When Magnus's eyes found Alec's, he was surprised to find them open rather than shut tight again, and Magnus moved in to kiss him, not even bothering to close his eyes as he locked their lips together.

He stared into Alec's eyes, unblinking, as their tongues met and slid along each other in a similar way to their bodies. Alec lifted his legs and wrapped them around Alec's waist, creating a new angle for the both of them, and each of them gasped into the other's mouth when Magnus's thrust went deeper than it had only a moment before.

Magnus reached between them and took Alec's cock into his hand, stroking it in time with his thrusts, and tried to keep himself balanced on his other arm.

After a few short moments, Alec broke their kiss and his eyes squeezed shut again. He bit his lip hard, turning the skin around it almost white, and gasped Magnus's name.

"Almost?" was the only word Magnus could manage in that moment.

Alec nodded quickly and his legs squeezed tighter, almost making it hard for Magnus to get the same depth into his movements, and Magnus began to stroke his cock faster, trying to match his speed with thrusts that were becoming more out of rhythm with each moment.

"Oh God," Alec gasped and his eyes went wide, the opposite of what Alexander did when he came, and Magnus's palm twisted around Alec's cock as the first string of fluid erupted from the tip. "Magnus," Alec gasped and Magnus felt Alec's fingernails digging harshly into the skin on his back. His name pouring from Alec's lips in such a euphoric way combined with the tension that was shooting through Alec's body as his orgasm continued to flow through him pushed Magnus over the edge and he buried himself inside Alec as deep as he could and let go, crying out his lover's name as he did.

It took several minutes for them to recover and even when their breathing began to return to normal, neither of them wanted to move. They didn't have to say anything to affirm the fact; it was clear.

"I love you," Magnus whispered, planting a string of kisses along Alec's throat and jawline.

Alec ran a hand along Magnus's side and sighed warmly against the side of his face. "I love you, too."

Magnus looked at him and smiled lovingly.

"Forever," Alec added. "I'll love you forever."

"You know what happens when you say forever, don't you?" Magnus joked.

Alec shifted below him and wrapped his arms around Magnus, hugging him to him.

"I get it."


End file.
